Talk:Just Be Free/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Basilisk4u (talk · contribs) 22:08, 11 November 2011 (UTC)

Hi! I think this article is interesting and has a lot of potential, so I am going to review it for GA. Please bear with me as I currently am a bit busy. Basilisk4u (talk) 22:08, 11 November 2011 (UTC)

I have found a lot of prose issues. However these are easier to fix than sourcing issues, so I will keep reviewing as you have waited a long time for this review.

Lead

 * "The music was recorded when Aguilera was 15 and had met Roberts Alleca and Michael Brown, the pair gave Aguilera the opportunity to use a recording studio and they spent time presenting her with demo music with the understanding that they could use the material for their own purpose, but also claiming they would not commercially release it." This sentence is very long.  Break it up into at least two sentences.  Also, give some context as to who Alleca and Brown are and spell out "15" as "fifteen".
 * "Musically the album was compiled with dance style music in addition to ballad style tracks all conceived to showcase Aguilera's vocals in an effort to reach out to record label's, a venture which actually backfired after the recordings were not very well received amongst critics." Has many of the same problems. Add a comma after "Musically" and create a new sentence after "ballad-style tracks".  You don't need an apostrophe when you are talking about plurals - "record labels".
 * "The recordings were produced after Aguilera finished time with The New Mickey Mouse Club which was finishing its final season and even saw Aguilera record Spanish language tracks." These two ideas do not seem related.  Break it up into two sentences, like this: "The recordings were produced after Aguilera finished her run on The New Mickey Mouse Club, which was finishing its final season."  Then, add the Spanish part to the first paragraph where you talk about the album's musical style.
 * Add something about them releasing the album without her permission
 * "Warlock Records then filed their own lawsuit in an effort to continue with the release, and finally the case settled out of court, and one specification was for a letter, written by Aguilera to be featured inside each copy. The letter noted background information, and stated the music did not reflect her current musical style." End the first sentence after "out of court".
 * "Critically the album was not well received, and although her vocals were well received, the cheap production and lyrics were less so, commercially the album has sold over 128,000 copies in the United States." Again, break this up into two sentences. Also, the beginning of the sentence is very awkward.  Reword it by saying: "Critically, the album was not well received, and although critics praised her vocals, they panned the record's cheap production and lyrics."

Background

 * "After news that The New Mickey Mouse Club would be filming its final season, Aguilera was determined to land a record deal, she spent time in Philadelphia recording demo tracks with various producers and found herself more determined than ever to have an album released by the time she had finished High School and in the time she was taping the final season of the show she found herself working with New Jersey based producers Roberts Alleca and Michael Brown."  Again, this sentence is very very long and poorly written.  Here is my suggestion: "After news that The New Mickey Mouse Club would be filming its final season, Aguilera sought out a record deal. She spent time in Philadelphia to record demo tracks with various producers, hoping to have to have an album released by the time she had finished high school. While taping the final season of the show, she began working with New Jersey based producers Roberts Alleca and Michael Brown."
 * "The pair eventually built a relationship with Aguilera and her family and offered studio time to Aguilera however they told her that the demo recordings she would produce would be property of theirs, but the pair also told her that they would never commercially release the demo's." Same problem. Try "The pair eventually built a relationship with Aguilera and her family, offering studio time to Aguilera. They told her that the demo recordings she would produce would be their property, but the pair also told her that they would never commercially release the demos."
 * Create a "Musical style" section starting with "The early tapes were conceived as a way..."
 * Musically the album generally consisted of ballad material which was created in an effort to showcase Aguilera's vocal talents although in addition to the ballads recorded in these sessions, dance music became a prominent theme throughout the eleven tracks she recorded during this time." Break it up into two sentences after "vocal talents"

Lawsuit and release

 * "Though the President of Warlock Records, Adam Levy felt that despite Aguilera disliking the material he found it to be a look into her life, he said 'It's a great look at what she was doing, We're pleased [to be putting the record out]. I'm more pleased for the album's producers who wanted to get it out. I hope the fans can appreciate it.'" Reword as: "However, Warlock Records president Adam Levy felt that despite Aguilera disliking the material, he found it to be a look into her life at the time of recording. He stated 'It's a great look at what she was doing, We're pleased [to be putting the record out]. I'm more pleased for the album's producers who wanted to get it out. I hope the fans can appreciate it.'"

Reception

 * "Stephen Thomas Erlewine of allmusic saw why Aguilera was not happy with the release of the material calling them "pre-professional" and labelled them "generic early-'90s dance-pop" adding that the record did not match the quality of her self-titled debut album with the production being "bland" of which Erlewine described as a "footnote in her career"." Reword as: Stephen Thomas Erlewine of allmusic understood why Aguilera was not happy with the release of the material, calling the songs "pre-professional" and "generic early-'90s dance-pop". He noted that Just Be Free did not match the quality of her self-titled debut album due to its "bland" production.
 * "David Browne of Entertainment Weekly agreed that the production was low-budget describing the content as "teen-jailbait" due to lyrics such as "Why don't you stay with me tonight" and gave the album a D-rating overall." Reword as: David Browne of Entertainment Weekly gave the album a D-rating, citing the album's production and describing the content as "teen-jailbait" due to lyrics such as "Why don't you stay with me tonight".
 * Stephanie McGrath from JAM! Music also saw why Aguilera wouldn't want the album released, and like Dominguez found that it still showed potential, McGrath described the tracks saying "The songs themselves are terrible, dated club tracks, overwhelmed by poor effects and mundane beats." Reword as "Similarly, Stephanie McGrath from JAM! Music also saw why Aguilera would not want the album released. Although she recognized Aguilera's potential as a vocalist, she wrote "The songs themselves are terrible, dated club tracks, overwhelmed by poor effects and mundane beats."

A few more things
Hey! I hope you're feeling better. The article has improved so much. Great work! However, I still have a few concerns:


 * Lead
 * "The music was recorded when Aguilera was fifteen and had met Roberts Alleca and Michael Brown two New Jersey based producers." --> "After finishing her run on The New Mickey Mouse Club, fifteen-year-old Aguilera began recording the album with New Jersey-based producers Roberts Alleca and Michael Brown."  The part about the Mickey Mouse Club in the lead should be removed.
 * "The pair gave Aguilera the opportunity to use a recording studio and they spent time presenting her with demo music with the understanding that they could use the material for their own purpose, but also claiming they would not commercially release it." --> "The pair gave Aguilera the opportunity to use a recording studio and presented her with demo music with the understanding that they could use the material for their own purpose, but also claiming they would not commercially release the recordings."  Also, what do you mean by "presenting" her with demo music?  Isn't she the one writing and recording it?  So wouldn't she be presenting it to them?
 * "Musically, the album was compiled with dance style music in addition to ballad style tracks and saw Aguilera performing Spanish-language tracks." --> "Musically, the album consisted of dance style tracks as well as ballads, and saw Aguilera performing Spanish-language tracks." Also, link Spanish language.
 * "amongst critics" --> "among critics"
 * "After the project with Brown and Allecca had finished the pair released the record without the permission of Aguilera or her management." Didn't they release about six years later, after Aguilera had achieved success?  Maybe word it as "Six years after the completion of the album and Aguilera had achieved mainstream success, Brown and Allecca released the record without the permission of Aguilera or her management."
 * "One specification was for a letter, written by Aguilera to be featured inside each copy. The letter noted background information, and stated the music did not reflect her current musical style." --> "Aguilera requested that a letter be featured inside each copy. The letter noted background information, and stated the music did not reflect her current musical style."


 * Background
 * "They told her that the demo recordings she would produce would be their property, but the pair also told her that they would never commercially release the demos." --> "They told her that the demo recordings she would produce would be their property, but also told her that they would never commercially release the material."
 * "During the recording sessions Aguilera experimented with languages recording songs such as the title track "Just Be Free" in Spanish." --> "During the recording sessions, Aguilera experimented with different languages, recording songs such as the title track "Just Be Free" in Spanish." Again, link Spanish.


 * Lawsuit and release
 * Make sure every quote has a citation directly after it


 * Reception
 * "Commercially the album has sold over 128,000 copies in the United States[8] and peaked at number 71 on the Billboard 200." --> *"Despite the negative critical reception, the album has sold over 128,000 copies in the United States and peaked at number 71 on the Billboard 200.[8]"

Okay now these are my final concerns. After these are addressed, I will pass the article. Yay! Basilisk4u (talk) 03:59, 10 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the wait. Christmas time is pretty hectic. But I've addressed all the points :) -FeuDeJoie (talk) 15:16, 22 December 2011 (UTC)