Talk:Kamui Shiro/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: TeenAngels1234 (talk · contribs) 21:12, 8 December 2020 (UTC)

Okay. I want to review this article. Let's start with the lead' incipit. The prose is too dry. What "to face his destiny" refers to, anyway? This sentence doesn't even have a comma, and ties in badly with the previous one. Try removing "several" and listing them. If you fear that there are too many, add a simple "depending on the appearance", or something similar. Thanks for the quick review. I'll try following any advice.Tintor2 (talk) 22:25, 8 December 2020 (UTC)
 * "Kamui is a young esper who returns to Tokyo after a six-year absence to face his destiny".
 * Done.
 * "Kamui must decide whether the world should be destroyed so it may be reborn without humanity or saved so humanity can continue to live in its current state".
 * Revised
 * "The character has been played by several voice actors."
 * Done

* "by voice actors" in the lead now still sounds bad. So, just try to write their names. Confusing sentence. Does it matter, anyway?
 * Done
 * "Her sister Tōru Shirō was intended to created it but committed suicide to delay the awakening of the Sacred Sword."
 * Done.
 * Appearances is good. Just a question. Why Appearence is placed before Concept and creation?--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 12:04, 9 December 2020 (UTC)
 * Rearranged. Not sure. Some other articles used to have this arrangements.Tintor2 (talk) 12:12, 9 December 2020 (UTC)

About the actors I just left them "" to avoid repeated words. Tell me if you think there is a better solution. Sadly, I only know of Suzumura's impression of the character thanks to the TV series' dvds. I couldn't find commentary about the others.Tintor2 (talk) 21:48, 9 December 2020 (UTC) Him? Who?
 * That's okay. I move on.
 * "which resulted in him using Kamui and Fūma"

There's something wrong in the sentence, I guess. Redundance here. Uhm? What does this mean? Sounds meaningless to me, or at lest tautologic/redundant. Delete one of the "another"s and add a comma after series. You mean, "while considers it"? "Since the latter" maybe fits better.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 00:06, 10 December 2020 (UTC) I hope it works.Tintor2 (talk) 00:29, 10 December 2020 (UTC)
 * "were old designs incorporated in new characters"
 * Done
 * "No models were used to create Kamui. Because Kamui"
 * Done
 * "According to Mokona, Kamui fits the manga's story."
 * Done.
 * "The authors originally wanted to name the character from another character they created in another series but"
 * Done
 * " Ohkawa considers it common sense that people care about protecting the planet, it is more important to love friends and relatives"
 * Done.
 * "the latter is voiced by Sakamoto"
 * Done.
 * That's fine. Reception looks fine, too. Now, be patient, I'm kinda busy in RL, but I'd like to read the whole article maximum tomorrow, and eventually pass this.TeenAngels1234 (talk) 14:01, 10 December 2020 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1) Is it well written?
 * A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
 * B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
 * 1) Is it verifiable with no original research?
 * A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
 * B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons&mdash;science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
 * C. It contains no original research:
 * D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
 * B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
 * 1) Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Brief summa. Good sources, good prose. After some minor change, it clearly meets all the criteriæ. Well done.
 * 1) Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Brief summa. Good sources, good prose. After some minor change, it clearly meets all the criteriæ. Well done.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Brief summa. Good sources, good prose. After some minor change, it clearly meets all the criteriæ. Well done.