Talk:Ken Hall (Australian footballer)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 03:45, 14 June 2011 (UTC)

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:45, 14 June 2011 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:
 * "Hall played his junior football" his isn't needed
 * Any personal life info? If there's only a little bit out there it's fine but there's really none at all here.
 * "The 2010 season was another impressive one for Hall as" reword to tone down a bit.
 * As an aside, the tone gets a bit iffy in some spots, like above. x played well, or x played poorly, etc. is discouraged unless a source directly says that, ideally it's better to note the positives. It's not too bad here, and a spot check of sources show them using the same language, so I'll let it slide. Just something to keep in mind for future articles.

I'll put the article on hold and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:33, 15 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks very much for the review. Fixed the specific issues you mentioned, but in regard to the personal life info, I'm afraid there's just nothing out there. To be completely honest, he's a pretty obscure player (only one AFL match) and all the sources in the article at the moment are pretty much every single reference that I can find to him in reliable sources. I can't find parents, wife/girlfriend/kids, hobbies outside football, even where he was born specifically (only that he "grew up" in Tasmania). If anything comes to light, I'll add it to the article, but I can't find anything even mentioning his personal life. As to the tone, thanks for the advice, it looks like I've slipped into the tone of a sports writer in a few places, as opposed to an encyclopedic tone, so I understand and I'll try and improve that in future articles. Again, thanks for the review and if there's anything else you'd like me to address, I'd be more than happy to. Cheers, Jenks24 (talk) 04:03, 15 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Sounds good. I understand being unable to find stuff, I've written on some pretty obscure players myself. Everything else checks out, so I'll pass it as a GA. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 15:50, 15 June 2011 (UTC)