Talk:Khalil al-Wazir/Archive 1

Untitled
Alrighty, this article is incredibly biased and has lots of information that really isn't relative, or just serves to inflate things. I've had a try at neutralizing the artical and trimming the irrelevant information. I'd appreciate a second opinion if it worked.

Also, the "youth training camp" is a part that I'd really like some help on. Cyberguy34000 18:27, 14 July 2005 (UTC)
 * I've done some editing as well, and added a bunch of links. Jayjg (talk) 19:35, 14 July 2005 (UTC)

I've tried to edit, but my knowledge is limited - Mossad has never confirmed or denied that it killed this man, so I changed the initial statement about his death. Also, one cannot claim that his actions alone precipitated the First Infitada. I hope that this helped. Wee Jimmy 21:06, 14 August 2005 (UTC)

I believe that these revisions are satisfactory, and that the POV notice can be removed. Anyone in agreement? greenday121 24 September 2005

I think this article is tilted towards a pro-Palestinian POV, which I have sympathy with, but could do with more neutral. I change "resistance opperations" to "paramilitary opperations". It would be useful if the article mentioned whether or not some of Abu Jihad's attacks on Israel targeted civilians. Kingal86 23:23, 6 August 2006 (UTC)

There is nothing wrong with the article being mainly from a pro-palestinian POV since he was a palestinian leader, if you ask any israeli about Al wazir he will tell you he was a terrorist without even knowing who the guy is, in the same manner a palestinian will tell you Sharon is a war criminal although he is a hero to several israelis. The facts in the article are very much true, & the fact that he was focused on his cause & that he kept a clean hand when other PLO leaders were corrupted was agreed upon even by his opponents. The article doesn't idealize him, it just describes his personality, whether you regard him as a hero or a villian doesn't have anything to do with his character.

Most sources use the name Khalil al-Wazir, should this article not be moved there? PatGallacher 14:41, 31 December 2006 (UTC)

I question the neutrality of this page. Is totally biased and it praises a ruthless terrorist

That's a POV issue, not s factual issue. And you are wrong, it is neutral.

I quote from the 'Legacy': "The Israeli government and the majority of the Israeli public, on the other hand, would likely consider Abu Jihad a dangerous terrorist and a murderer for his role in fatal attacks on Israeli civilians, and his role in igniting the First Intifada against the Israelis." I think that is biased, judging that intifada was an act of terrorism, against thhe Israelis is simply not true, intifada was conducted against Israeli forces Occupying gaza strip and west bank. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 41.224.194.5 (talk) 20:59, 9 December 2007 (UTC)

Israeli view of Abu Jihad
I'm not arguing the fact (at least what I believe) that most Israelis viewed Khalil al-Wazir as a terrorist, but that is an opinion which needs a reference to back it. I say so because its a major factor that would work against a GA review I'm planning soon. --Al Ameer son (talk) 23:29, 24 January 2008 (UTC)


 * resolved. --Al Ameer son (talk) 03:22, 12 February 2008 (UTC)

Lead
"Prior to and during Israel's 1982 invasion of Lebanon — where he fled to after his expulsion from Jordan — he masterminded numerous attacks inside Israel against both civilian and military targets as well as planned Beirut's defense from incoming Israeli forces."

It's not really clear whethere he fled to Isreal or Jordan. Please clarify. He fled to Lebanon. --Al Ameer son (talk) 02:26, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Early life
"Him and his family fled the city as a result of Israel's capture of the area during the 1948 Arab-Israeli War, becoming refugees in the Egyptian-held Gaza Strip."

Use "he", not "him".

"During his time in Gaza, al-Wazir became a member of the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood. He was briefly imprisoned by Egyptian authorities for his membership with the organization (the Muslim Brotherhood was banned in Egypt)."

Maybe you could try to combine these sentences.

Formation of Fatah
"Al-Wazir's residence in Kuwait allowed him to further his ties with Arafat, Salah Khalaf (Abu Iyad) and other Palestinians he met in Egypt. "

Who is Salah Khalaf?
 * Removed.

''"Al-Wazir moved to Beirut after being put in charge of editing the newly-formed organization's monthly magazine Filastinuna, Nida' al-Hayat, as he was "the only one with a flair for writing", according to author Said Aburish."'

A translation of magazine title would be in order here
 * "Our Palestine, the Call to Life". Done.

"He settled in Algeria in 1962, after a delegation of Fatah leaders including, Arafat and Farouk Kaddoumi, were invited there by Algerian President Ahmed Ben Bella."

Move the comma from after "including" to before it.
 * Done

Syria and post-Six-Day War
"Al-Wazir settled in Damascus, Syria in 1965, in order take advantage of the ruling Ba'ath party's militant stance against Israel."

What was the party's stance?
 * Replaced with the reason provided by Aburish. The above sentence was taken from a unreliable pro-Palestinian source which I thought I had got rid of. The real reason was Fatah decided to take advantage of the Palestine Liberation Army large base in Syria. Basically they had a lot of financial resources but lacked fighters. So..., they paid them higher salaries and thus attracted fighters to join their organization. I just shortened it in the sentence. If you feel more should be added just say the word.

"On May 9, 1966, he and Arafat were detained by Syrian police loyal to Hafez al-Assad after an incident where a pro-Syrian Palestinian leader, Yusuf Orabi was thrown out of the window of a three-story building and killed."

Comma needed after Orabi. Also, who is Al-Assad? The president, leader, rebel, etc.?
 * Done

"Al-Wazir alongside Arafat, was either discussing possibilities of uniting Fatah with Orabi's faction, the Revolutionary Front for the Liberation of Palestine or winning Orabi's support against Arafat's rivals within the Fatah leadership."

This sentence is not really clear. Try rewording it or adding punctuation where appropiate to clear up the confusion.
 * Tried to, does it make sense now?

"An argument occurred, eventually leading to Orabi's murder, however al-Wazir and Arafat had already left the scene shortly before the incident."

Use a semicolon after "murder" instead of comma.
 * Done.

"The panel found both Arafat and al-Wazir guilty but, the current President of Syria Salah Jadid pardoned them."

Move the comma to before "but"
 * Done.

"The panel found both Arafat and al-Wazir guilty but, the current President of Syria Salah Jadid pardoned them."

Clarify what "the panel" is.
 * Done.

"He was also put in charge of guerrilla warfare operations in the occupied Palestinian territories as well as, inside Israel."

Eliminate the comma before "inside".
 * Done.

Black September and the Lebanon War
"During the Black September clashes in Jordan, al-Wazir supplied the encircled Palestinian forces in Jerash and Ajlun with arms and aid but, nevertheless the conflict was waning in Jordan's favor."

Move the comma and the reference to before the word "but". And put a comma after "nevertheless". Also, keep the verb tense consistent.
 * Done.

"After Arafat and thousands of Fatah fighters retreated to Lebanon upon advancing Jordanian forces..."

"Upon" is not the right word to use. Maybe "in the wake of" or something along those lines.
 * Done.

"Although, al-Wazir and 264 other PLO members were received by King Hussein of Jordan."

This is a fragment. Connect it to another sentence.
 * Done.

"During his stay in Lebanon, al-Wazir was responsible..."

You said he was received by King Hussein, but then say he stayed in Lebanon. Clarify.
 * Relocated passage; Its chronological now.

Establishing movement in the Palestinian territories
"In 1982, he began to sponsor youth committees there, that eventually became the embryonic organization that later ignited the First Intifada in December 1987."

You can probably eliminate the word "there".

"The Intifada, began as an uprising of Palestinian youth against the Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza Strip."

Eliminate the comma after "Intifada".

"According Yezid Sayigh, al-Wazir believed that the Intifada should not have been sacrificed to Arafat solely for use as a diplomatic or political tool."

Put a "to" after "according".

Assassination
"According to Aburish, he was shot with over 150 bullets in the presence of his wife and son Nidal, however other sources suggest just over 70 bullets."

First of all, a semicolon before "however and a comma after. Secondly, is it necessary to know exactly how many bullets he was shot with?
 * You're right. No need, plus its disputed anyway.

"According to the report, Barak, who was then a deputy military chief, coordinated the planning by the Mossad, as well as, the army's intelligence branch, the air force, navy and the elite Sayeret Matkal commando unit."

Eliminate the comma after "as well as".


 * Done. --Al Ameer son (talk) 03:46, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Noble Story (talk) 02:07, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Syria and post-Six-Day War
"After the defeat of a coalition of Arab states in the 1967 Six-Day War, top Palestinian guerrilla organizations that participated in the war or were backed by any of the involved Arab states, such as, the Arab Nationalist Movement led by George Habash and the Palestine Liberation Army of Ahmad Shukeiri, lost considerable influence among the Palestinian population, propelling Fatah to become the dominant faction of the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO). "

This is an extremely long sentence. Maybe try to split up. And elminate the comma after "such as".


 * I split it up from "propelling"; Its still a long sentence but thats because it is listing two groups and their leaders. --Al Ameer son (talk) 16:41, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Black September and the Lebanon War
"As a result of Arafat ignoring al-Wazir's original proposal, PLO forces were eventually defeated and then expelled from Lebanon, with most of the leadership relocating to Tunis although, al-Wazir and 264 other PLO members were received by King Hussein of Jordan."

Move the comma from after "although" to before it.


 * Done.

Establishing movement in the Palestinian territories
"In 1982, he began to sponsor youth committees, that eventually became the embryonic organization that later ignited the First Intifada in December 1987. "

I think the sentence should go something like this: "In 1982, he began to sponsor the youth committees that eventually became the embryonic organization that later ignited the First Intifada in December 1987."


 * Done.

"The word Intifada in Arabic, literally translated as "tremor", is generally used to describe an uprising or revolt."

Move that explanation to just after the first mention of the word "Intifada".
 * Done

"The first stage of the Intifada was a response to an incident at the Erez checkpoint where an Israeli military vehicle hit a group of Palestinian laborers, killing four of them. However within weeks, upon consistent requests by al-Wazir, the PLO attempted to direct the uprising, which lasted until 1992–93."

Put a comma after "checkpoint" and after "However".
 * Done.

According to Yezid Sayigh, al-Wazir believed that the Intifada should not have been sacrificed to Arafat solely for use as a diplomatic or political tool."''

Who is Yezid Sayigh?
 * An author and and expert on PLO and Israel-Palestine conflict. Done.

"According to the report, Barak, who was then a deputy military chief, coordinated the planning by the Mossad, as well as the army's intelligence branch, the air force, navy and the elite Sayeret Matkal commando unit."

Who or what is Mossad?
 * I said they were an intelligence agency. Should there be more? --Al Ameer son (talk) 03:32, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

Noble Story (talk) 07:22, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Review of Khalil al-Wazir


 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * A. Prose quality:
 * B. MoS compliance:
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. References to sources:
 * B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * B. Focused:
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Pass or Fail:

After the necessary changes were made, I think this article now meets all GA criteria. Congratulations. Noble Story (talk) 03:55, 4 April 2008 (UTC)