Talk:Kim McQuilken

First paragraph
There are a few things that are incorrect in the first paragraph. I would like to update the first paragraph to:

Kim Evan McQuilken (born February 26, 1951) is a former American football quarterback in the National Football League (NFL) for the Atlanta Falcons and Washington Redskins, and the USFL with the Washington Federals. In his business career following football includes over 20 years as a football color commentator on radio and TV, almost two decades as a senior sales & marketing executive with Ted Turner’s Turner Broadcasting System (later Time Warner) and more recently (last 10 years) as President Sales & Marketing with Spend Management Experts a supply chain consultancy. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kimmcq (talk • contribs) 16:27, 8 December 2023 (UTC)
 * The proposed text In his business career following football includes over 20 years as a football color commentator on radio and TV is not the best way to word this; an improvement would be referring to it as his "post-football career" or "his career after football". Even better would be "after retirement from football". Also, almost two decades as a senior sales & marketing executive with Ted Turner’s Turner Broadcasting System (later Time Warner) and more recently (last 10 years) as President Sales & Marketing with Spend Management Experts a supply chain consultancy. Normally, recent business careers would not be placed in the lead section. However, as the subject has spent 20 years in those jobs, they might be relevant to place there, but usually the information to be placed in the lead is whatever the subject is most known for. The proposed lead states that he's been a commentator. If he has, that is a highly visible job, and if that is to be placed in the lead, then whichever networks he has provided commentary for should be mentioned as well. Per MOS:LEAD, claims made in the lead section should ideally be found and referenced in the main body of the article. In order to place this information, individual claim statements (along with references) which repeat the lead section's information should also be proposed here on the talk page (if they don't already exist in the article. If they do, go ahead and cut and paste them here). When ready to proceed with the requested information, kindly change the request template's answer parameter to read from y to n. Also, please remember to sign your message with four tildes ( ~ ). Thank you! Regards, Spintendo  03:54, 9 December 2023 (UTC)