Talk:Kiss Me More/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:25, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

I will start this shortly. --K. Peake 07:25, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead
* Separate genres using bullet points instead per Template:Infobox song, plus pop should not be listed when three of the others are sub-genres of it * "It was released" → "The song was released" * Add a comma after lead single and write "from the album" instead because the album should've been introduced before this * "with additional work" → "with additional production"
 * WP:OVERLINK of Doja Cat and SZA under songwriter(s) in the infobox
 * Add commas about the first sentence's mention of SZA's feature and write afterwards "from the former's third studio album, Planet Her (2021)."
 * The ref should not be in the lead; write out about the song's single release in the opening section and invoke the ref there instead
 * Mention the R&B, pop-rap, bubblegum pop, and dance-pop genres instead of writing pop, while use "jam" instead of song and move this to being after production/writing info; start a sentence with "It was produced..."
 * The producers and writers need to be written and sourced in the body per the rule on written content in the lead
 * "all of whom are credited as co-writers alongside" → "The producers co-wrote the song with" plus move the additional credits to being here instead adding a comma then "while Steve Kipner and Terry Shaddick received additional credits as writers due to the interpolation Olivia Newton-John's "Physical"
 * At the end of this para, add a sentence that starts with the musical description part and add the themes after the comma
 * Add a sentence at the start of the second para discussing the song's reception
 * Add one after the above about the award
 * "New Zealand and Singapore, and reached the top 5" → "New Zealand, and Singapore. It further reached the top five" per MOS:NUM, plus have this after the reception and all of the positions need to be written and sourced in the body
 * "Lithuania and Greece." → "Lithuania, and Greece."
 * Maybe add a sentence mention a few notable certifications?
 * Write about the music video after these stats, before mention the Billboard Music Awards performance since that's notable

Background and release

 * Merge with the first paragraph of the below section, retitling to Background and composition
 * "upcoming studio album features" → "then-upcoming studio album would potentially feature" per the source
 * "the song was first" → ""Kiss Me More" was first" because otherwise it is not clear if the song was mentioned by name at the time
 * "the former, saying" → "the former, saying:"
 * "stick to something"." → "stick to something."" per MOS:QUOTE
 * The producers/songwriters should be mentioned directly before the stuff that Doja Cat revealed
 * "to reveal the cover art and announce the release of the song for April 9." → "to reveal the song's Chad Knight-designed cover art and announce its release for the following day." with the wikilink
 * Add a sentence afterwards mentioning that the song was released as the album's lead single on the planned date

Composition and reception

 * Retitle to Reception
 * The first para here should be the second para of the above section, as any info from reception about comp can be/is here too without the opinionated parts
 * ""Kiss Me More" is a" → "Musically, "Kiss Me More" is an" but elaborating on my earlier comment, pop should be removed because three of the other genres stem from it so any source merely calling the song pop is really discussing the origins
 * Write jam instead of song by moving the multiple sources using this term to being at the end of the sentence; for the Vulture one that's already used for a genre here, it should solely be at the end
 * Shouldn't you write composed in the time signature of time
 * Wikilink chord progression
 * Does the Billboard ref actually source a beat drop?
 * Mention the bassline per [10]
 * "glimmering riff" and both singing and rap verses which" → "glimmering riff", and both singing and rap verses that"
 * "as equal parts singer and" → "as the equal parts of a singer and"
 * "by its slightly" → "by a slightly"
 * Pipe distorted to Distortion (music)
 * Mention the chorus being performed in a breathy tone per [26]
 * Remove the word melody since that being interpolated is not sourced, also mention the song being a single and add the release year
 * The additional songwriting credits should be mentioned in the writing info instead, but just write "due to having wrote work that the song interpolates" to avoid repetition
 * Mention the crooning of certain lyrics per [10]
 * "critics drew resemblance between" → "music critics drew resemblances between" with the pipe
 * "wrote that it" → "wrote that "Kiss Me More"
 * I don't think the pipe to the 1970s funk sub-section is useful; merely wikilink funk instead
 * Same as above for hip hop, piping to Hip hop music instead
 * Fix MOS:QUOTE issues throughout reception
 * "deemed it a" → "deemed the song a" plus mention the names of both Rolling Stone writers
 * ""smooth", "sultry" and" → ""smooth", "sultry", and" and mention who used this description
 * "and its accompanying music video" → "and its music video" with the wikilink
 * Move the sources around so the ones that discuss solely the song/video are next to them since 5 is too many together
 * Any that are used for both dreaminess and sensuality should be solely at the end of the sentence
 * Pipe Complex to Complex (magazine) per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * "and uptempo" and deeming it" → "and uptempo", and deeming the track"
 * "deemed it "the" → "deemed the song "the"
 * "with its infectious" → "with an infectious"

Accolades

 * Since this is only one award, remove the table and sub-section by moving the award to prose at the end of the above section
 * I'm going to add a whole bunch of mid-year lists to this section in the next few days, so there's no need to get rid of the whole section just yet. — cybertrip👽 ( 💬 • 📝)  16:41, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * sounds good. versacespace  leave a message!  16:44, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
 * This is acceptable since it does not classify as lacking stability under the GA criteria. --K. Peake 20:31, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

Commercial performance

 * Add this section here, writing out the notably high chart positions and notable certifications too

Music video

 * Img looks good, apart from the wikilink on Doja Cat
 * "The music video premiered" → "An accompanying music video premiered"
 * Mention the lair that of the aliens that they journey towards in prose too
 * "to his journey."" → "to his journey"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "he wakes up in" → "the astronaut wakes up in"
 * Add more synopsis info from [41], [43], [24] and [45]
 * MTV should not be italicised
 * Wikilink pastel
 * "far, far away. "" → "far, far away"."
 * "Erica Gonzales of" → "Erica Gonzales from"
 * "could pull off."" → "could pull off"."
 * "described it as" → "called the visual"
 * "Mekishana Pierre of" → "Mekishana Pierre from"
 * Italicise Entertainment Tonight
 * "noted that it was" → "noted that it is"
 * "noted that the fact that these "playful goddesses" were more" → "noted that these "playful goddesses" being more"
 * "to Planet Her was." → "to Planet Her is."

Live performances

 * Mention after "inaugural Fight Club event" that it was Jake Paul vs. Ben Askren
 * "Doja Cat and SZA performed" → "She and SZA performed"
 * Change in May 2021 to just in May, as the year is known from that of the awards ceremony
 * Mention the planets, artful shapes and dresses of the performers per [47]
 * "as well as the chorus usually sung by Doja Cat." → "as well as Doja Cat's chorus." but the chorus part is not directly sourced

Track listings

 * Retitle to Track listing

Credits and personnel

 * Pipe Stephen Kipner to Steve Kipner

Charts

 * The Croatia position is not mentioned by the source
 * Radio charts should not be included for Czech Republic and Slovakia since the singles ones are already there

Certifications

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Release history

 * The first release being various is not backed up
 * Pipe Sony to Sony Music
 * Remove pipe on Sony Italy

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed! --K. Peake 08:56, 17 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Hello I recently returned from a week long camping trip, so I'll be fully back to editing within the next few days. By then I'll try to tend to the article's current issues. Thank you for your patience!  versacespace  leave a message!  20:35, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Any updates on this? --K. Peake 05:08, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
 * K. Peake, it looks like VersaceSpace made some edits to the lead on August 6 and struck a few things above, but that's their only edits anywhere on Wikipedia this month. You might want to consider concluding your review soon, perhaps at the end of the month, if significant progress hasn't been made by then. BlueMoonset (talk) 16:41, 23 August 2021 (UTC)
 * I will go ahead and fail this article now, as it's been one week since your message and neither of the nominators have made significant fixes in the slightest. --K. Peake 15:44, 30 August 2021 (UTC)