Talk:Kona Lanes/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 15:12, 14 February 2015 (UTC)

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman 15:12, 14 February 2015 (UTC)

I read through some of the article, and the first thing I noticed was that I feel like the tone of the article is a bit much. For the type of article it is it's not too bad, but it does venture into "journalism-esque" language at times. For example, "Kona Lanes first opened its doors in 1958, enticing customers with the exotic styling and signage of post-World War II design influences." That's a bit much, especially without a source. Go through the article and tone it down a bit. Wizardman 18:34, 15 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Actually, I believe the cited sources support the language, but I'll make a run through. (Edit: first pass complete.) &mdash; ATinySliver &#47; ATalkPage  21:07, 15 February 2015 (UTC)

Looks a lot better now, so I gave it the full read-through now. Here's what I found:
 * A nitpick, but it feels like the lead is overreferenced. Since it's supposed to be a summary, that many shouldn't be needed. The lead all appears to be noted later though, so simply removing the redundant ones will suffice.
 * "one of three designed and built at around the same time by Powers," rm at

Overall the copyedit helped a great deal, as it's mostly ready to go now. Article is now on hold and I'll pass when the above is fixed. Wizardman 23:27, 19 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Done. The remaining refs in the lede are for data not later repeated; I'll take another quick look to see if anything else in the lede needs addressing. (Edit: I've moved one to the main body.) This should be ready, and thanks again! &mdash; ATinySliver &#47; ATalkPage 23:35, 19 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Everything looks good now, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman  02:04, 20 February 2015 (UTC)

My thanks for your efforts! &mdash; ATinySliver &#47; ATalkPage 02:09, 20 February 2015 (UTC)