Talk:Kui Lee/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:47, 17 January 2021 (UTC)

I thought it would be ideal to review this article since you currently have two music GANs pending, but this is my first time reviewing an artist's Wiki so feel free to inform me of any mistakes I make during the review! --K. Peake 07:47, 17 January 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Wikilink Shanghai in the infobox
 * Remove traditional pop from genres per WP:STICKTOSOURCE and remove capitalisation of the second word of Hawaiian Music
 * It is not written out anywhere in the body that his career started in 1955
 * Remove the comma after his stage name in the first sentence
 * "while performing as a dancer and singer." → "while performing as a dancer and later returned to Hawaii to become a singer." since that is the accurate representation
 * "Upon his return to Hawaii," → "Upon his return to the country," since once the above change is implemented, writing Hawaii so close would be repetitive
 * Second word of Honey club should not be capitalised
 * "released his debut album." → "released his debut studio album, The Extraordinary Kui Lee (1966)." – this will make it quite obvious he died in December 1966 too
 * Write out in the body that the Hawaiʻi Academy of Recording Arts issued the award

Early life

 * "while his parents were" → "as his parents were" to avoid overusing "while"
 * "His father, Billy, was" → "His father Billy was"
 * "Chinese and Scots." → "Chinese, and Scots."
 * "At five, Lee" → "At the age of five, Lee" to be specific
 * The source only mentions Lee returning to Hawaii, not his father

Career

 * "to the United States mainland" → "to the US mainland" since you have already written the United States
 * "New York City and Puerto Rico." → "New York City, and Puerto Rico."
 * "he appeared in a number" → "he appeared a number of times"
 * Lowercase the Lexington Hotel per MOS:THECAPS
 * "he met his wife," → "Lee met his wife,"
 * "They returned to Hawaii" the source only mentions Lee returning
 * The source does not mention that his wife's job was at Honey's club, even though it is mentioned as being with Don Ho
 * "Jetty club in" → "Club Jetty in"
 * Target Kaneohe to Kaneohe, Hawaii
 * "He met with success" → "He was met with success"
 * "at the club." → "at the Honey club."
 * Kanaka Pete's is in Lahaina, not Waikiki
 * The Queen's Surf club part is not mentioned as being where Lee performed by the source
 * "He earned US$2,000" → "Lee earned US$2,000"
 * Target Paradise of the Pacific to Honolulu (magazine) and add a comma afterwards
 * "on Ho's debut album," → "on Ho's debut studio album" and add the year of release
 * "Japanese and" → "Japanese, and"
 * "Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass and Vic Schoen" → "Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass, and Vic Schoen" with the target
 * Img looks good!
 * "he appeared at" → "Lee appeared at"
 * Why isn't [2] solely at the end of the sentence?
 * "debut single, "Ain't No Big Thing", paired with "All I Want To Do" in May." → "debut single "Ain't No Big Thing", paired with "All I Want To Do", in May 1965." with the target
 * "his regret at not" → "his regret towards not"
 * [15] should be at the end of the two preceding sentences as well as after the comma
 * "a ceremony in July." → "a ceremony in July 1966."
 * "he began treatment" → "Lee began receiving treatment" but this part is not backed up
 * Remove wikilink on Sweden
 * "In August, local artists" → "In August 1966, local artists"
 * Target Aloha Week to Aloha Festivals
 * "He apologized to the crowd and told anecdotes, then his wife" → "Kui apologized to the crowd and told anecdotes, then Nani Lee" per MOS:SAMESURNAME
 * "his latest composition," → "his latest composition"
 * "In November, Columbia" → "In November 1966, Columbia"
 * "Eventually, he traveled" → "Eventually, Kui Lee traveled"
 * Target Tijuana, Mexico to Tijuana
 * "banned by the Federal Drug Administration in the United States." → "which was banned by the Food and Drug Administration in the US." with the wikilink
 * "Lee died in Tijuana" → "Kui Lee died in Tijuana"
 * "to Hawaii to Ordensteins Mortuary." → "to Ordensteins Mortuary in Hawaii."
 * "his body and ninety mourners" → "Lee's body and 90 mourners had" per MOS:NUM
 * "Ten-thousand orchids were" → "10,000 orchids were"

Legacy

 * Unlike the audio sample text claims, it is not sourced that the blend included popular music in the US, and target Hawaiian music to Music of Hawaii
 * "released The Extraordinary Kui Lee." → "released Lee's debut studio album The Extraordinary Kui Lee in December 1966."
 * "The label's publisher, Mickey Goldsen," → "The label's publisher Mickey Goldsen"
 * Target Hawaiian music to Music of Hawaii
 * ""new wave Hawaiian" → ""new wave of Hawaiian" since that is what the source says
 * "he said that" → "Lee said that"
 * "He declared: "all" → "He declared: "All"
 * "as the theme of" → "as the themes of"
 * You should attribute the quote about Lee's sound to the author
 * "jazz, blues and rock and roll" → "jazz, blues, and rock and roll" with the wikilinks
 * "Don Ho organized The Kui Lee Memorial Show" → "Ho organized The Kui Lee Memorial Show"
 * Change US$ to $ since you have already introduced the currency and it is the only one listed in the article
 * "who recorded Lee's" → "who recorded a cover of Lee's"
 * University of Hawaii → University of Hawaiʻi
 * "It starred Kimo Kahoano as Lee, and Shaunne Gallipeau as his wife." → "The play starred Kimo Kahoano as Kui, and Shaunne Gallipeau as Nani Lee." per MOS:SAMESURNAME
 * "given posthumously to Lee." → "given posthumously to Kui Lee."
 * "Presented by Don Ho," → "Presented by Ho,"

Discography

 * Chart positions table is not needed at all since none of the releases charted

Final comments and verdict

 * until everything is fixed; one of the issues I noticed throughout was original research, but it is not too much to be fixed in a week or less! --K. Peake 12:26, 17 January 2021 (UTC)


 * As an opening comment, I want to thank you for taking up the review. Secondly, I want to remark how thoroughly you reviewed the sources (I recognize that I can be a little sloppy when citing). Thanks for that too. Now, without further do, let's go to the details:
 * Infobox and lead: As for the start of his career, I didn't even realize 1955 was there. I can either say when he started to perform as a knife dancer. As an alternative, we could use 1961, as it was the year he started singing. For the moment, I decided to just erase it from the infobox.
 * Early life: I found a small news piece that has his father explaining how the end up going back to Hawaii. By the war, I suppose he may have referred to the conflict surrounding the U.S. gunboat diplomacy in China, and the escalating tensions (and not World War II)? There was a book source also pointing out to them returning after the death of his mother, but it did not specify anything about a war (though I am not able to locate it now, exactly what I meant before about sloppiness when it comes to citing).
 * Legacy: I included now the source discussing that blend, and how he was influenced by the music that was popular at the time in the mainland. (1)
 * References: I use "xx Staff (number)" when it is the same publication, it does not list a specific author and was published the same year. I did not figure out yet what to write on the sfn template that would point straight to the reference I want to without having a conflict with another reference published the same year, by the same author.
 * I want to thank you again for taking up the nomination. Kui Lee is not exactly a well-known artist, and I was not expecting to get a reviewer soon.-- GDuwen  Holler!  20:11, 17 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Good to see you have got round to working on this article after my review so quickly; I will address the points in the following text. You should use 1961 I recommend, as that is the year that it is most appropriate to classify his career as having started in. It is fortunate that you have been able to find a source for backing up his father's return to Hawaii, plus the diplomacy in China is probably the war in question that led to them moving so I would highly suggest mentioning that. As for the blend, that part was very interesting to read so kudos for finding a source to back it up! Regarding your last comment about changes to the sections, just check the order of the sources then change the sfn for the ones where there is a number 2 appropriately. I felt glad to have reviewed this, not only because it was my first time taking on an artist's article but the article had been pending since September! --K. Peake 20:58, 17 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Well, I added the information about the conflict. I linked it to a subsection of another article that covers nicely the threat at the time (Yangtze Patrol). It was a complicated time to describe, as the conflict was first with the Nationalist. Then they flipped to be allies against the Japanese. Anyway I also reverted the numbers, so I suppose that's all.-- GDuwen  Holler!  21:41, 17 January 2021 (UTC)
 * The article looks much better with that info, even though I did some brief copy editing after the addition of it and I also fixed the staff number for Billboard since that is the only one you missed. ✅ now, very pleased with your quick response! --K. Peake 21:49, 17 January 2021 (UTC)