Talk:Kuiil/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk · contribs) 17:32, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Infobox
 * It seems odd that you list Kuiil's occupation in the infobox as "former Imperial indentured servant" when you say in the article that he is a moisture farmer. Maybe say "Moisture farmer; former Imperial indentured servant"?
 * Done. — Hunter Kahn 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I'd expect Homeworld in the infobox to mean where his species comes from, not where he's living at the time of The Mandalorian?
 * I just took "homeworld" out altogether to avoid this confusion; I think your point is correct, but it's never definitively where his original homeworld is, so adding it would be OR. — Hunter Kahn 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Lead
 * Again, I'd say "first appeared", but I don't think you like this from the other Mandalorian articles of yours that I've reviewed.
 * I guess I didn't have it that way because he hasn't appeared in anything else yet, but I made the change. — Hunter Kahn 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Appearances
 * "making his first appearance in the series debut episode "Chapter 1: The Mandalorian", where he lives on a moisture farm on the planet Arvala-7, working as a vapor farmer" -> "making his first appearance in the series debut episode "Chapter 1: The Mandalorian", where he is shown living on a moisture farm on the planet Arvala-7, working as a vapor farmer"
 * Changed. — Hunter Kahn 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "with the hopes that" -> "with the hope that"
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Kuiil returns in the next episode" Maybe "Kuiil appears in the next episode" or similar to avoid repetition of "returns"
 * Done. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Kuiil helps the Mandalorian avert a crisis with a local community of alien scavengers called Jawas" I think this could be worded better - it sounds like Jawas are local to Arvala-7
 * Well, that sort of is the case here; these particular Jawas are local to that planet. Unless I misunderstand your comment? — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Sorry, what I was saying is it makes it sounds like the jawas are native to the planet rather than being a species that live all over the galaxy Cavie78 (talk) 21:03, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Ahh, yes, you are right. I've changed it simply to "a group of alien scavengers called Jawas". — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 13:20, 19 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "and agrees to accompany the Mandalorian for the save of protecting the child from Imperial slavery" Not sure what's happened here - do you mean "the sake" Even so, it sounds a bit odd "as he wants to help protect the Child from imperial slavery"?
 * It was supposed to be "sake", but your wording is better so I changed it. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "While the others in the party does not understand his power" -> "While the others in the party do not understand his power"
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "During their journey at Nevarro" -> "During their journey on Nevarro"?
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Later, the bounty hunter Greef Karga reveals the mission is an ambush" Maybe (briefly) say why Greef Karga decides to reveal this
 * I added some of this context; let me know if that works. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Child's protection. But two" I think this would work better with a comma "Child's protection, but two"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Characterization
 * "as shown by his willingness to assist the Mandalorian and other bounty hunters travel in finding the bounty they seek" Do we know that he helped other bounty hunters find The Child?
 * Yeah, it's stated that he helped others before the Mandalorian. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Conception
 * Ok

Portrayal
 * "on the Internet earlier" -> "on the internet earlier'
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Nolte's casting was announced" officially announced makes more sense, given that you start the sentence with "although"
 * Added the word "officially". — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "The motion capture performance of Kuiil was done by actress and stuntwoman Misty Rosas, who called it "the most amazing job of my life"" Suggest rewording to "Actress and stuntwoman Misty Rosas performed the motion capture for Kuiil, calling it "the most amazing job of my life".
 * Done. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "which she fears would "be taking me out of the scene"" -> "which she feared would "[take her] out of the scene"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Rosas recited during the audition" -> "Rosas recited during her audition"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Costume
 * "of makeup for part" -> "of makeup for the part"
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "give Rosas the great possible freedom of motion" -> "give Rosas the greatest possible freedom of motion"
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Kuiil's eyes are not part of the mask, and instead, Rosas' actual eyes are visible through holes in the mask" Don't think "mask" is necessary at the end as you've already established that you're talking about the mask. Same for the next sentence, although you'd have to rewrite.
 * Made some changes to this effect. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Filming
 * "Rosas called these rehearsals" I think you have just say "Rosas called the rehearsals" here, as you've established which rehearsals you're talking about, and "these" is pretty repetitive
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Misty Rosas prepared a great deal in advance for her scenes and study the dialogue carefully so they could go as smoothly as possible" -> "Rosas prepared a great deal in advance for her scenes, studying the dialogue carefully, so that shooting would go as smoothly as possible"?
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "particularly when in scenes that were dimly lit" -> "particularly during scenes that were dimly lit"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "and multiple takes were required to get it correct" -> "and multiple takes were required to get a take that worked" (or something like that anyway!)
 * I changed it to "multiple takes were necessary as a result". — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "This made the Child relatively heavy, occasionally proving challenging" -> "This made the Child relatively heavy, which occasionally proved challenging"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "the speeds at which it was made to run" I assume the prop didn't actually run? Maybe better to say "the speeds at which it was made to appear to run" or something?
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Themes
 * Ok

Critical reception
 * "subject of Internet memes used by fans" -> "subject of internet memes used by fans"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "At first glance, (Kuiil)" -> "At first glance, [Kuiil]"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Charlie Ridgely of Comicbook.com "one of the most"" -> "Charlie Ridgely of Comicbook.com described Kuiil as "one of the most""
 * Oops, lol, fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "and the choice to make a member" -> "and said that he felt the choice to make a member"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Den of Geek writer Megan Crouse called the character was a wise old" -> "Den of Geek writer Megan Crouse said that she felt the character was a wise old"
 * "but that it worked well, in part due to his likeable personality" -> "but that this worked well, in part due to Kuiil's likeable personality"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "provided "nicely acerbic voice" -> "provided a "nicely acerbic voice"
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Fans on the Internet" -> "Fans on the internet"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Images
 * All ok

Sources
 * Look good


 * Another well written article in The Mandalorian series. Placing on hold for now Cavie78 (talk) 20:36, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks ! — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:53, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
 * See reply above regarding the Jawas Cavie78 (talk) 10:13, 19 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks . I love this guy - happy to see the article reach GA! Cavie78 (talk) 15:18, 19 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Same, he's probably my favorite character on the show. :) Thanks for the review! — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 19:44, 19 May 2020 (UTC)