Talk:Kuon/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Namcokid47 (talk · contribs) 22:32, 2 December 2020 (UTC)

Will look at it soon. Namcokid 47  (Contribs) 22:32, 2 December 2020 (UTC)

Okay, I had a look through the page. Here's my comments.

Lead

 * I don't see the need to split the game's release date into two choppy-looking sentences. Since the game came out in Japan and North America the same year, you can just put "Kuon is a 2004 survival horror video game developed by FromSoftware for the PlayStation 2."
 * Sorted.
 * Any reason the European box art is used instead of the North American art?
 * It's what was there when I started editing, changed to NA cover.
 * "Reception was mixed" — okay....why is that? What did critics like and not like about it? The lead is supposed to summarize the general reception that the game received. I think "and the game went on to be obscure compared to other FromSoftware titles" can be tossed too, since the article says nothing about it being one of FromSoftware's more obscure games.
 * Done.

Gameplay

 * "The characters navigate the mansion using full analogue movement, with the standard pace being a slow walk, with an option to run." — Does analogue movement really need to be specified here? It goes against the WP:VG/MOS, and the sources don't specify this. Would be better suited to state they move at a slow speed but can also run.
 * Done.

Synopsis

 * I'm not sure what "with failures returning as the monsters now haunting the area" is supposed to mean.
 * Did my best to clarify.

Development

 * There's a lot of choppiness here, and it often jumps from one thing to another with no cohesion. One sentence talks about the art director, then it goes to the creation of the setting which was by another person. I would merge "His work on Kuon began following Lost Kingdoms II in 2003. It was designed for people wanting a new take on horror.", and move "The art director was Nozomu Iwai" to the sentence talking about the producer.
 * Did this.
 * "Taniguchi contacted Chinai multiple times during production, persuading Chinai to accept the collaboration." You can replace the second usage of Chinai here with just "him", since the reader already knows it was Chinai who was contacted and persuaded to accept the collab
 * Done.

Release

 * "Two different strategy guides were released by ASCII Media Works and Softbank Creative alongside the game." — ASCII Media Works didn't exist until 2008, five years after this game came out. I presume you meant ASCII Corporation?
 * That was an automatic slip on my part.
 * "It was promoted with several pieces of media, including promotional DVD and booklets." — Honestly, is it really worth mentioning this? Lots of video games get this kind of stuff during promo panels and the likes, so I don't know why this needs to be brought up. Same with "Multiple advertisements and articles related to the game appeared in Japanese gaming magazines" — just about every game has magazine ads and articles.
 * I've removed those bits.
 * "During production, Kuon featured as part of a Japanese television documentary about FromSoftware." — This isn't needed either. It's not really that interesting, and it doesn't add anything to the article.
 * Again, removed.
 * "It was originally going to be released in the UK by Digital Jesters prior to the company's liquidation. It was eventually published across Europe by Nobilis and Indie Games Productions" — These should also be merged, since they're pretty choppy as standalone sentences.
 * I've merged and rephrased.

Reception

 * Review scores should not be in the text, that's what the video game review score box is for.
 * Removed the score.
 * The reception seems really short. Seven reviews are listed in the box to the right, so three paragraphs — one of which largely talks about sales and Metacritic — seems real weak based on that. Surely these critics had more to say than what's presented here? MobyGames has several other useful sources if that's necessary.
 * I tried expanding it beyond that, but there wasn't anything much to expand with. The reviews were saying pretty much the same things again and again about different elements, when they were mentioned at all beyond "this game is x". I've try doing something with it, but it's not easy with this kind of desultory commentary. I've also moved its rarity statements into the release section.
 * I'm not really familiar with Operation Rainfall. Are they a website? A publication? Any noteworthy journalists for it? How reliable are they?
 * It's a source from the original version of this article. I've removed it.

Miscellaneous
Overall, this isn't bad. I enjoyed reading this. There's some expansion and rewriting needed, but nothing too major. Ping me when you've addressed these or you don't agree with them. Namcokid 47  (Contribs) 04:41, 20 December 2020 (UTC)
 * The article uses the mdy date format, while the references use the dmy format. Though it won't hold back the article in any way, I'd recommend picking one format and sticking with it the whole way (you can easily do this by putting in a Use mdy dates or Use dmy dates template, whichever you prefer).
 * Done.
 * For ref 22, the site is Game Watch and the publisher is Impress Group. Here it's written as Game Watch Impress with no publisher.
 * Done.
 * I did my best with all the points here. This is not meant as an excuse, but researching this game is an absolute nightmare because of how obscure it is, even in Japan. The reception's a bit of a cul-de-sac when it comes to expansion due to this issue. It was a nightmare just getting the gameplay section together as I can't find the manual anywhere. So yeah, did my best here. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:32, 20 December 2020 (UTC)
 * I've been having this issue with Another Century's Episode: R lately (which, funnily enough, is also a FromSoftware game), so I understand the difficulty in finding sources. I think it looks good enough now, so I'll pass it. Good work. Namcokid  47  (Contribs) 18:06, 22 December 2020 (UTC)