Talk:Léon M'ba/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Hi, I'll be reviewing this article. The rules for GA reviews are stated at Good Article criteria. I usually do reviews in the order: coverage; structure; detailed walk-through of sections (refs, prose, other details); images (after the text content is stable); lead (ditto). Feel free to respond to my comments under each one, and please sign each response, so that it's clear who said what.

When an issue is resolved, I'll mark it with ✅. If I think an issue remains unresolved after responses / changes by the editor(s), I'll mark it ❌. Occasionally I decide one of my comments is off-target, and strike it out

Sources & refs
--00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * (just a comment) I'll have to WP:AGF on most of the refs, as almost all are books I don't have, many in French. That also means I have to AGF on the neutrality of these sources and of the selection of content from them.
 * That's why this article will not likely pass FAC. I can't find a native French speaker to verify it. ~  EDDY  ( talk / contribs / editor review ) ~ 23:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * ✅ V says " Where editors translate any direct quote, they should quote the relevant portion of the original, non-English text in a footnote or in the article. Translations published by reliable sources are preferred over translations made by Wikipedia editors." Please add the original text to the refs for all translated quotations. --00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. ~  EDDY  ( talk / contribs / editor review ) ~ 21:33, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Coverage

 * There's very little about policies M'ba advocated while seeking office or implemented while in office. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * There is a bit. I'll search for more though. ~  EDDY  ( talk / contribs / editor review ) ~ 21:43, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The main text says about wives or children. How many survived him? And where are they now? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * This is what the (academic) systemic bias against Africa has left us. We do not know. ~  EDDY  ( talk / contribs / editor review ) ~ 21:43, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Reed (1987) says quite bluntly that M'ba was and Bongo is a puppet of French commercial interests, backed when necessary by French military power. That was also my impression on reading through this WP article before I accessed Reed (1987). I don't know whether there are other views among academic analysts. However it's an issue that you can't avoid, as that would be both a significant gap in coverage and failure to present a WP:NPOV, by omitting the comments of a WP:RS that the article cites. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Where should I put this though? That is the impression that the article is trying to give, and we can omit comments of a RS that this article cites if it is not particularly useful. IMO, given the facts of the matter presented in the article, this is the case. ~  EDDY  ( talk / contribs / editor review ) ~ 21:43, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Re where to place it, I think you have 2 options: (a) a separate Assessment section, which is what I use in chess bios (see e.g. Wilhelm Steinitz or Emanuel Lasker); (b) insert individual points from the source at relevent points from the bio, e.g. (hypothetically) "this inciodent showed that he was a puppet".
 * Are you arguing that Reed's comments are not useful? If so, why are they not useful? Unless you can make out a very strong case, omitting them is a violation of WP:NPOV. I suggest you read Reed thoroughly and see whether he provides any explanations, and that you look for other sources that comment on M'ba's period in office. --Philcha (talk) 07:46, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Early life

 * His mother's name, Louise Bendome, looks French rather than African. Is there a reason for this? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Can you please explain "evolved couples". --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * What was the name of Léon M'ba's brother the priest? Did he achieve any senior rank in the chrch? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Re "In 1909, M'ba joined a seminary to receive his primary education", I think "joined a seminary" would normally imply "to study for the priesthood", which would have been remarkable for a 7-year old. Do you mean the seminary had an attached elementary school, in which M'ba studied? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The 2nd half of the translated quote "If on the one hand, the fundamental duty of educating the Fangs ... the first legitimization of the French authority on them" looks stilted in English and may be difficult for some readers to understand. Can you please re-phrase it? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The lead says "he was issued a prison sentence after committing a minor crime that normally would have resulted in a small fine", while this section says nothing about a small fine. You can't introduce any content in the lead that is not in the text. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Chef de canton

 * Why are there [] at the start of " "[m]issioned to enforce public order and ..."? --Philcha (talk)
 * What "large expenditures" did M'ba have to cover by the use of forced labour?
 * Googling for "a Kouyaté" suggests Kouyaté is the name of a tribe. Can you please clarify this. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * You should explain that Comintern's objective was to start Russian-style Communist revolutions in all countries, and use the ref at Comintern. The world was very different then, and few people still alive will remember Comintern. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Pl wikilink Communist. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * This is where a map of locations within Gabon would be useful. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * How did M'ba think Gabonses / Estuaire society was "damaged by the colonial administration"? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The Reed (1987) ref is allegedly avaialble online for free. Unfortunately its search facility was not working when I searched for "Gabon: A Neo-Colonial Enclave of Enduring French Interest". Can you please try to find a free copy and, if available, replace the non-free JSTOR URL. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Exile in Oubangui-Chari

 * The map of Oubangui-Chari is not very useful, I think there's a better one at Central African Republic. I can use template:Annotated image to mark Gabon on that, and a few neighbouring countries. ---Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * At some point you should point out that the Fang, although recent imigrants ot Gabon, formed 1/3 of the population, per Reed (1987). This might be a good place. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Governor-General Antonetti - of Gabon or Oubangui-Chari or some wider collection of territories? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * It seems the "Pahouin" are the Beti-Pahuin, a Central African ethnic "super-group" that includes the Fang. You should explain this, with a ref. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * "congeners" links to a disambig page. In this context I would guess it means something like "fellow-tribesmen". Can you please clarify. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The translated quote is stilted, and "As he was intelligent, he exploited this situation to extort the people he had to administrate also the cabal which he had formed" is hard to understand. Please re-phrase. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Return to Gabon and local politician

 * "where he was greeted exultantly by his friends" and "an important position" look like WP:PEACOCK phrases - unless you mean that his position as a store manager increased his political influence, which you would have to explain. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Re "inter-African", would Pan-Africanist (in African Democratic Rally) be more expressive and accurate? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Should wiki-link "Bwiti", as it was last mentioned a couple of sections ago. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Re "His goal was to win indigenous administrative and judicial posts", you mean "for native Gabonese"? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Where is Mitzic? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Re "siding with the moderate position favored by Houphouët-Boigny while he did the same", does "did the same" mean "cut links with the Communists"? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * "became close with the French administration" does not look like normal English to me, although its meaning is clear. Can you re-phrase? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * " his main opponent, Congressman Jean-Hilaire Aubame, who was M'ba's protégé and his half-brother's foster son" looks like it tries ot be too brief. Presumably has was M'ba's ex-protégé. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * "Aubame was easily re-elected" - so what position did he already hold? --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Rise to power

 * "Though not elected, M'ba became the leader of the indigenous territory, and some of the UDSG began to ally themselves with him" - what "indigenous territory"? How did he become the leader if not elected? --Philcha (talk) 15:27, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * "forester's man" may be unclear to many readers, I suggest "reprentative of the logging industry". --Philcha (talk) 15:27, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * "bribed several UDSG deputies to switch their political party to the BDG" - "switch to the BDG" would be better, as we already known it's about parties. --Philcha (talk) 15:27, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * "both parties were obliged to submit on 21 May 1957, a list of individuals that both agreed were suitable for election into the government" - obliged by whom? Who decided how many of each party's nominees were appointed?
 * "giving the party a majority with 29 of the 40 legislative seats" - "giving the BDG 29 of the 40 seats" would be better. --Philcha (talk)
 * "Well installed in the government" - "Now in control of the government"? --Philcha (talk) 15:27, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Images

 * The images used seem to have no copyright issues. However File:Afrique 32.JPG was the subject of an inconclusive deletion debate at Commons in Aug 2008, and contributes little to the article. I'd remove it. -Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Two maps would be useful: one showing Gabon in relation to neighbouring countries; the other showing locations witih Gabon mentioned in the article. There's  a map of the Gabon provinces at Gabon, and I could use template:Annotated image to mark towns, etc. --Philcha (talk) 00:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Overall impression
I've paused the detailed review half way through "Rise to power". The article currently has serious problems:
 * Gaps in coverage and possible lack of WP:NPOV noted above.
 * Many failures to explain thing that are obvious only to experts in French colonial Africa.
 * A whole lot of poor writing that is unclear and / or clumsy. A lot of it reads like over-literal translations form the French sources.
 * Where translated quotes are given, you must provide a copy of the original. --Philcha (talk) 15:27, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Since I don't like quick-fails, I'm placing the review "on hold", which means you have a week to fix the whole article, not just what I've commented on so far. That's a lot of work and it's only fair to tell you that I doubt whether you can achieve it in a week. --Philcha (talk) 15:27, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

I suggest you read through some GAs and FAs on major politicians. At present there are none on African ones, and very few on others in ex-colonies. For English WP at least, articles on politicans in ex-colonies are more difficult than on "western" countries, as you need to explain much more of the background and to deal with issues like tribal politics, whether the colonial power manipulated the emerging political system, whether the country truly became independent, problems that ex-colonies' governments face (lack of money, lack of experienced politicians and adminstrators, customary behaviours that place loyalty to family and allies above honesty and fairness, etc.). --Philcha (talk) 15:27, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Result of review
Your message to me implied that I should mark this as a "fail", and that's what I'm doing. As you requested, I've provided some comments on Hubert Maga, and hope they will be useful for Léon M'ba too. Best wishes, --Philcha (talk) 10:25, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

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