Talk:Lake (video game)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: IceWelder (talk · contribs) 21:53, 14 September 2023 (UTC)

Will review over the weekend. IceWelder &#91; &#9993; &#93; 21:53, 14 September 2023 (UTC)


 * Infobox
 * The current cover seems to have been one created after the initial release. Originally, it looked like this.
 * Lead
 * Consider linking mail carrier.
 * Link sitcom.
 * It should be the Xbox One, the PlayStation 4, etc.
 * "complete additional tasks throughout the town, and organize after-work or weekend activities" - Remove false Oxford comma.
 * "work for Meredith's employer in the evenings, or relax by reading" - Ditto.
 * Plot
 * Link software developer.
 * "and take over her father's position as the town's full-time mail carrier" - The position was already introduced earlier, so this could be reduced to "and take over her father's position permanently".
 * Link RV.
 * "She can go on a road trip. If Meredith owns the RV and is in a relationship with Angie, the couple can decide to depart from Providence Oaks and commit to an itinerant lifestyle." - This could be combined into one sentence; the second mention of her owning an RV could be removed as it was mentioned two sentences earlier.
 * Development
 * "Pim and Jos Bouman invited Dylan Nagel" - I feel like it should be made clear here that Nagel is a freelancer, not a studio employee.
 * "a dungeon-set puzzle game, and a space game with branching narratives" - Remove false Oxford comma.
 * "over time, the team grew with artists" -> "over time, the team added artists".
 * "The team aimed to complete" - This is the third "team" within two sentences, consider rephrasing.
 * "within 18 months; development ultimately took almost four years" - This would read better as an unbroken sentence (e.g. "although").
 * "though the game was conceived years prior" - This feels redundant since we already know it was conceived in 2017.
 * What is "Articy Draft"?
 * "opt in to tasks at their own choice" - "own" is redundant here.
 * Consider combining the sentence about team members growing up in the 80s with the succeeding, not the preceding one, as it better ties into what they consider nostalgic. For example, "Several team members grew up in the 1980s and they considered diners, VHS movies, and arcade machines particularly nostalgic and recognizable."
 * "Bouman felt ... the mini-map did not feel" - Consider rephrasing repeated use of "feel". What about: "Bouman considered the mini-map an acceptable video game convention that did not "feel like it's cheating, despite being inconsistent with the setting's era".
 * On that note, should the mini-map be mentioned in the gameplay section?
 * "including Canada, Norway, or Scandinavia" - Norway is part of Scandinavia, please clarify. Norway can also be de-linked per WP:OR.
 * "but found they would require additional context for the player" - I'm not sure what this means. What context does being in Canada or Norway require?
 * Any information about how Whitethorn Games became involved?
 * "uses a proprietary lighting system, with the goal" - This comma feels out of place.
 * Release and promotion
 * Shorten "demonstration" to "demo" and link to Game demo.
 * The vertical slice bit feels weirdly tacked on. Try rephrasing it either be a core part of the sentence or make it a separate sentence.
 * The paragraph uses "showcased"/"showcase" a lot, try to vary that a bit.
 * "A demo was available for Windows and Xbox" - Link the platforms here, not in the subsequent sentence.
 * Again refer to consoles with a definite article.
 * "due to its drug use" - Drugs were not mentioned before, please clarify.
 * "after conversations between ..." - This should be a separate sentence.
 * "downloadable content expansion set" - "expansion set" seems pretty uncommon. "pack" seems sufficient.
 * "it is due for release in November" - Also should be separated.
 * Reception
 * A running theme in this section is a generalization of several reviewers terminated by a semicolon to continue into specific examples. I would recommend using full stops for those, as it reads better and stops seem to be a better fit if the intent is to avoid references after a (non-semi) colon.
 * Link Simon Parkin.
 * "It received two nominations at the Gayming Awards." - Briefly note which ones.
 * "comparing it to his own experiences" - "own" is redundant here.
 * "Several reviewers encountered technical glitches" - Glitches tend to be technical in nature, so "technical" can be struck. Also link glitches.
 * Any way you can rephrase Croft's palate cleanser statement to avoid [sic]ing and link to the concept?
 * "though found its simplicity limiting" - Limiting, how?
 * "conversely, Destructoid's Zoey Handley" - Make this a separate sentence.
 * "pressured the player towards choosing" -> "pressured the player into choosing".
 * In the image caption:
 * "a same-sex relationship between Meredith and Angie" -> "the same-sex relationship between Meredith and Angie".
 * "and was nominated" -> "and it was nominated" (or similar) to justify the Oxford comma.
 * "largely reflected her own experience growing up" - Remove "own".
 * "due to her subjective taste" - Taste is always subjective.
 * "though found its simplicity limiting" - Limiting, how?
 * "conversely, Destructoid's Zoey Handley" - Make this a separate sentence.
 * "pressured the player towards choosing" -> "pressured the player into choosing".
 * In the image caption:
 * "a same-sex relationship between Meredith and Angie" -> "the same-sex relationship between Meredith and Angie".
 * "and was nominated" -> "and it was nominated" (or similar) to justify the Oxford comma.
 * "largely reflected her own experience growing up" - Remove "own".
 * "due to her subjective taste" - Taste is always subjective.
 * "largely reflected her own experience growing up" - Remove "own".
 * "due to her subjective taste" - Taste is always subjective.

Above is my initial review. Feel free to strike through or reply to individual comments as you work on them. Regards, IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 13:02, 16 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review! I've gone through and . Regarding the infobox image: I understand the general preference to use original art per WP:VGBOX, but I believe this cover art is more recognisable, especially as it was used for the physical release—and it has the added benefit of identifying the primary characters and art style. Let me know your thoughts. I look forward to hearing any additional comments or concerns. – Rhain  ☔ (he/him) 01:38, 17 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Sounds fine to me, and the rest looks pretty good as well. . IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 09:54, 17 September 2023 (UTC)