Talk:Lamy/to do


 * From FAC Candidacy, line out as completed, add as needed
 * copyedit thoroughly
 * unclear - Make every clause unambiguous.
 * not enough commas (required for clarity of meaning, ease of reading and style)
 * incorrect use of punctuation
 * pronoun usage.
 * flabby expressions
 * grammatical problems
 * redundancies


 * red links
 * Lead is too short
 * Too little information about them as a business.


 * Mention digital styluses?


 * the References links to the LAMY website need to be updated

too many one sentence paragraphs **"The steel Studio pens come with steel nibs, though the palladium Studio comes with a gold nib. The Studio design has won the Good Design Award[5], as well as the iF Design award in 2005" - "Though" should be used only if there's a contradiction; here, "and" is appropriate. "As well as" is a marked expression that appears unnecessary here; again, "and" is appropriate (why use one word when five will do?)- ("though") and an instance of poor style ("as well as"). **Why not clarify by writing Lamy's mechanical pencil, instead of 'a' mechanical pencil? Because Lamy do not produce one mechanical pencil -- they produce several, as evident in the article. Who is doing the intending? Just remove 'intended' and it will be plain and clear. Lamy is doing the intending, of course. The point of the sentence is to say that Lamy intend their products to be practical (see the reference) -- they have not independently found practicality in the market. **'Lamy refers to the products by prefixing "Lamy" to these descriptive names, here we simply use the descriptive name.' - The comma should be a semicolon -'Lamy refers to the products by prefixing "Lamy" to these descriptive names, here we simply use the descriptive name.'—This consists of two stand-alone sentences, before and after the comma. Therefore, they must be separated by a stop or a semicolon, and not a comma. Read it out aloud and you'll see. What I am saying is that they are not so clearly "stand-alone", the sentence is expanding on the use of descriptive names. **'such as "scribble" for a mechanical pencil, a variant of which can take 3.15 mm graphite refills, useful for sketching' - Is this one of Lamy's products? 'a' makes it sound generic. Is it the pencil or the refills in particular that are useful for sketching? I thought that the fact that scribble was one of Lamy's products would have been clear since the start of the sentence says "Lamy products have a descriptive name".
 * 'Lamy's product range reflects the intended practicality[1] of the products.' - What does it mean? - Lamy pens are thought of as being practical. For one, Lamy does not just make fountain pens, but ballpoints, rollerballs, etc etc, and compared to other pen manufacturers they are not designed so garishly or for artistic purposes, but for practical ones.
 * 'founded the business in 1930, with the preexisting Orthos pen manufacturer. Lamy was also a pioneer in the use of moulded synthetic plastics in its manufacture.'
 * Add category, alphabetize
 * many more references
 * company history