Talk:Landing at Scarlet Beach/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Parsecboy (talk · contribs) 12:21, 17 March 2016 (UTC)

I'll review this article. Parsecboy (talk) 12:21, 17 March 2016 (UTC)

Intro/general comments

 * It took a bit too long to find out where this landing took place (and if I didn't know where Finschhafen was from my work on German colonial cruisers in the 1890s-1910s, I'd have had to have gone further). I'd suggest something along the lines of "... took place during the Huon Peninsula campaign fought in Papua-New Guinea in the Second World War."
 * ✅ done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:31, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * The lead section seems to be a bit too detailed. For instance, we don't need to know the specific breakdown of the Japanese air raid - I'd shorten that bit to something like "The Japanese launched a retaliatory air raid on the ships of the VII Amphibious Force, but US fighter aircraft defended the convoy and no ships were hit. Nevertheless, continued Japanese air attacks over the course of the battle inflicted numerous casualties." Of course that's just an idea of the level of detail I'd say is warranted.
 * ✅ done. I find leads very difficult to write. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:31, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * There are a number of dupe links. You might have Ucucha's tool, but if not, it's pretty useful.
 * ✅ Got it. Removed them. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:33, 17 March 2016 (UTC)

Prelude

 * Is Ultra correct? My understanding was that Ultra referred only to Enigma decrypts and that Japanese decrypts were referred to as Magic. But that could be an Americanism.
 * ✅ Ultra is correct. It refers to all decrypts. Magic was for the Japanese diplomatic codes. After Pearl Harbor, Magic was mostly used in the European Theatre, where the Japanese ambassador's signals were decrypted. SWPA had its own codebreaking units. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:44, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * The acronym SWPA is used but not explained, as far as I can tell.
 * ✅ Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:44, 17 March 2016 (UTC)

Landing

 * "which for reason had veered off to the right" - it seems like something is missing here.
 * ✅ deleted "for reason" Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:14, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Specify what type of ship Conyngham was. Ditto for Reid.
 * ✅ Added that they were destroyers. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:14, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Any reason why only 115k of the 153k rounds of 9mm were dropped?
 * Problems with one of the aircraft. It was forced to land at Dobodura. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:14, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * "The extracted at 03:00..." - should that be "They"? Or is there a missing word?
 * ✅ Re-worded: The LSTs retracted at 03:00
 * "...additional resources would divert resources..." - can you reword to avoid repetition?
 * ✅ Tried to. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:14, 17 March 2016 (UTC)

Advance on Finschhafen

 * "Meanwhile, D Company of the 2/17th Infantry Battalion had moved along the track to Sattelberg with the intent of capturing that position. It reported that it was unoccupied, but in fact had captured Jivevenang instead. When the mistake was realised and it attempted to take Sattelberg, it was found to be strongly defended." - a lot of "it"s here that make it hard to track what's going on.
 * ✅ Meanwhile, D Company of the 2/17th Infantry Battalion had moved along the track to Sattelberg with the intent of capturing that position. D Company reported that Sattelberg was unoccupied, but in fact had captured Jivevenang, not Sattelberg.
 * "By evening the Finschhafen was..." - something missing here?
 * ✅ Deleted "the" Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:21, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * "...and buried 52 Japanese defenders" - makes it sound like they were buried alive.
 * ✅ buried the bodies of 52 dead Japanese defenders

Images

 * File:From the Bumi to Finschhafen.jpg - how does this photo qualify as PD?
 * Per the template (and the Copyright Act): "Commonwealth or State government owned photographs and engravings: taken or published more than 50 years ago and prior to 1 May 1969" are in the PD. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:35, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Makes sense then - great work as usual, Hawkeye. Parsecboy (talk) 12:20, 23 March 2016 (UTC)