Talk:Lauri Burns

Updating this article
I have a non-professional relationship to Lauri Burns. Can editors who are neutral please take a look at these requests?

Infobox:


 * The current website link in the infobox goes to a dead website that’s out of date. I propose replacing it with the URL for the Teen Project, which is the main highlight of Burns’ career that makes her notable.

Here’s that URL: https://theteenproject.com/

Biography section, first paragraph:


 * The first sentence of this paragraph is currently written in an awkward way that might cause readers to falsely infer that Burns’ history of being abused as a child has something to do with her Jewish family background. This could be resolved by breaking the sentence up into two.

Here’s my suggestion for what that could look like:

Burns was born into a Jewish family and grew up in Long Island, New York. Her father, an airline pilot, physically abused her when she was a child; her mother left and moved to Southern California.

Biography section, third paragraph:


 * The first sentence of this paragraph is inaccurate – it says that Burns regained custody of her daughter when she was four. The source actually says “The best day came when she got her 5-year-old daughter back.”

Here’s the coded version of the corrected sentence, if that would be helpful to have:

Burns regained custody of her daughter, who was five years old at the time.


 * The second sentence of this paragraph is missing important details that explain why the transition in Burns’ life was noteworthy enough for Wikipedia. It’s also lacking a source. I suggest revising it to add new details that are based on a 2018 LA Times article about Burns.

Here’s how it reads now:

She also enrolled in computer classes and began working for a software company.

Here’s my suggestion for the replacement:

She also enrolled in classes to learn Computer network programming. By the time she was 26, she held a supervisory role at Northrop Grumman.


 * The third sentence of this paragraph is missing important details covered by high-quality publications, including the year, about her work fostering teens and context about when Burns started a consulting firm. This is also more reflective of how these sources report on her life.

Here’s how it reads now:

She eventually opened her own computer consulting firm and started to foster teen girls.

Here’s what my suggested change might look like:

In 1998, Burns started to foster teen girls, in part because she realized that once girls in foster care turned 18 they lost support from the fostering system and many of them had no alternative places to turn for help. In 1999, she started a computer consulting firm called Sole-lutions based in Santa Margarita, California.

New subsection for Biography section:


 * Because her foundation of and work with The Teen Project is a major highlight of Burns’ life, I suggest adding a new subsection into the Biography section called “The Teen Project”.


 * I suggest moving the current second and third sentences in paragraph four of Biography into this new subsection. I have also added two new sentences that provide information about a more recent event that received coverage from the Los Angeles Times.

Here’s what the new subsection would look like with all the content described above added into it:

The Teen Project

In 2007, Burns started the charity The Teen Project. The charity works with girls out of foster care and victims of sex trafficking by providing drug treatment and life-skills education. In 2018, Burns led a fundraising effort and was able to purchase a defunct Boys Town property in Trabuco Canyon, California, which she converted into a residential center for foster girls between 15 and 21 years old. Burns named the property Vera’s Sanctuary after the deceased mother of an anonymous donor who contributed $1 million to the purchase and renovation of the property.

Lead section:


 * The first sentence of the lead is missing any mention of basic biographical information, already contained in “Biography” section, which is that Burns’ professional career is as a computer entrepreneur.  I’ve also proposed additional information about her professional career above, which makes this even clearer.

I suggest updating the lead to add the word “entrepreneur”:

Lauri Burns is an American writer, entrepreneur, and philanthropist.

Thanks very much for looking over these ideas to improve the page! LLB03181979 (talk) 16:12, 18 August 2023 (UTC)

Reply 30-AUG-2023
Below you will see where proposals from your request have been quoted with reviewer decisions and feedback inserted underneath, either accepting, declining or otherwise commenting upon your proposal(s). Please read the enclosed notes within the proposal review section below for information on each request. Spintendo 22:55, 30 August 2023 (UTC)

Thank you to the reviewer who did this review of my proposal. I appreciate the fact that they carefully considered everything and implemented most of my suggestions. Also, I would like to address something I think deserves a second look.

My understanding of Wikipedia’s rules about content is that it is not necessary for all content in an article to be Notable, just the subject of the article itself. (I base that on my reading of WP:NNC.) A particular business that is relevant to the larger topic of the subject (in this case, Lauri Burns and her career) should be acceptable to be mentioned in passing on the Wikipedia page about her. This is especially true since it’s an important part of Burns’ story, as it marks the beginning of her career as an entrepreneur which in the context of her turning her life around is very significant.

That said, I do agree that it’s probably unnecessary to mention the name of the company Burns founded, so I propose this new, shortened version of that second sentence:

In 1999, she started a computer consulting firm in Santa Margarita, California.

Is that version without the name of the company she founded acceptable? — Preceding unsigned comment added by LLB03181979 (talk • contribs) 17:07, 16 February 2024 (UTC)


 * @LLB03181979, that looks good to me. I'll go ahead and mark the edit request as done and you can reply here if you need anything else :) Zippybonzo &#124; talk  &#124;  contribs  (they/them) 20:16, 22 March 2024 (UTC)