Talk:Lavoy Allen/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 03:10, 18 July 2011 (UTC)

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:10, 18 July 2011 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found: I'll put the article on hold for a week, and once the issues are fixed I'll give it a second read-through. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 17:40, 18 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Morrisville, Pennsylvania links to a disambiguation page. Any way of knowing which one it is?
 * It was the one in Bucks County. Clarified. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 22:55, 19 July 2011 (UTC)
 * There are deadlinks that need to be fixed; see here.
 * Done. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 21:08, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "As a child, Lavoy did not play much organized basketball until eighth grade." I'd take out as a child here, since the eighth grade note is more exact and makes the earlier timeline unnecessary.
 * Removed. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 21:56, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "Allen posted per-game averages of 13.0 points, 9.6 rebounds, 3.2 assists, 3.0 blocks, and 2.0 steals" the .0s can be taken out, doesn't add anything.
 * Removed. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 22:11, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "Allen was chosen to the" selected sounds better than chosen in this case.
 * Done. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 22:12, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "and again led the team in blocks, with 1.56 per game." no comma needed.
 * Removed. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 22:15, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "He shot .579 from the floor, best from Temple," confusing as worded; change to "He shot a team-best .579.."
 * Done. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 22:41, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "Allen broke his thumb and was forced to miss the next game, against Buffalo." no comma needed.
 * Removed. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 00:36, 22 July 2011 (UTC)
 * "and was forced to miss the following game, versus the Dayton Flyers." as above.
 * Removed. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 00:47, 22 July 2011 (UTC)
 * In the references, ESPN Internet Ventures is sometimes in parentheses and sometimes it's not; make that consistent.
 * That is because some websites use cite web while others use cite news. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 00:47, 22 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Make sure appropriate terms are linked, such as field goal percentage and other basketball terms.
 * Done. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~
 * Be careful with jargon use. I can follow the article no problem, but I could see non-experts on basketball having a problem. For example, "He shot .579 from the floor". A lay reader may not know what 'the floor' means. Go through and tweak stuff that may be hard for the common reader to get, though linking the terms as I noted above should solve much of this issue.
 * Hopefully I tweaked them all. ~ EDDY  ( talk / contribs ) ~ 01:33, 22 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Changes look good, read-through two will be tomorrow. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 03:06, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

One more thing: "Current Temple player Dalton Pepper was his high school teammate" Is there any way to make this not time-sensitive? I was going to suggest Fellow Temple player, but since Pepper's just transferring there now that's not accurate. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:25, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm actually not going to worry about that above comment since he'll be there for two years yet. As such I'll pass this article as a GA. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 15:39, 24 July 2011 (UTC)