Talk:Lawton, Oklahoma/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Folklore1 (talk) 12:17, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

As I perform the review, I will be updating the following table. Please look for my questions, comments and recommendations below the table. Folklore1 (talk) 12:38, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

History
The second paragraph of the History section contains the phrase: "until 1867 where the southwest portion was allotted". The meaning is unclear. Should "where" be replaced by "while"? Folklore1 (talk) 12:46, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 13:27, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

In the last sentence of the ninth paragraph of the History section reference is made to Comanche chief Geronimo. Geronimo was a Chiricahua Apache. The Apache Wars, Paul Andrew Hutton, p. 21. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 2601:8C4:0:8FB0:3C74:F157:9896:626 (talk) 19:59, 2 July 2023 (UTC)

Geography
In the phrase, "the Wichita Mountains consist primary", you probably want to use "primarily".

"Sandstone" should be lower case to be consistent with "shale".

Should "Wichita Granite Group" be "Wichita Group granite"? Folklore1 (talk) 13:18, 4 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Except for the Wichita Granite Group suggestion, that's what it's specifically called in the source.--Crimsonedge34 (talk) 14:02, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Climate
"While occasional northerly winds during the winter can intensify cold periods." We need a verb here. Folklore1 (talk) 13:23, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

"The summers can be extremely hot, where Lawton averages 35 days with temperatures 100 °F (38 °C) and above." The use of "where" seems a bit awkward to me, although I live in Baltimore where the local dialect of English is a bit different. Perhaps it would help to replace "hot, where Lawton" with "hot; Lawton" ? Folklore1 (talk) 13:30, 4 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Intensify is a verb. ;) I rearranged the sentence to make it more readable.--Crimsonedge34 (talk) 14:02, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Demographics
A sentence in the second paragraph of this section begins with "24.6%". Sentences should not start with digits, but we don't want to be spelling out multi-digit numbers either. You might want to restructure this sentence. Folklore1 (talk) 15:55, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 16:55, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Economy and workforce
In the first paragraph of this section, you don't need to capitalize "Billion".

"Its goal is to redesigning second" needs to be fixed in the second paragraph.

The third paragraph has multiple sentences beginning with digits and they make it difficult to read. Folklore1 (talk) 16:09, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 16:55, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Sports
"the school has no football current program" doesn't look quite right. Folklore1 (talk) 17:03, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 17:46, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Parks and recreation
"the largest Elmer Thomas" needs a comma after "largest" and maybe you should identify Elmer Thomas as a "Park" or something else.

"were boating, swimming, camping," needs to be fixed. Folklore1 (talk) 17:12, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 17:46, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Government
"operations of the city is" mixes plural and singular. "covers the city" with 3 districts mixes plural and singular.

"As of April 2011, the Mayor of Lawton is Fred L. Fitch and City Manager is Larry Mitchell." This sentence is technically correct, but we're into May now. So maybe you want to replace "is" with "was". (I'm nitpicking here. This is just an optional suggestion.) Folklore1 (talk) 17:25, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 17:46, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Primary and secondary schools
Does "K-3" mean Kindergarten through third grade? Folklore1 (talk) 17:35, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * To be honest I don't know. K-3 could mean that they might combine those grade levels or offer specialized courses for them. It's just what is stated on their website. I might just put Kindergarten for simplicity sake.--Crimsonedge34 (talk) 17:46, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Media
"TV homes" is an unfamiliar term to me. What does it mean? Folklore1 (talk) 17:40, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * It means a household with at least one television in it. I'll spell out that term.--Crimsonedge34 (talk) 18:08, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

The statement that the Wichita Falls and Lawton Media Market are the 149th largest was true for the 2009-10 rankings, but the rankings may change in subsequent years. Past tense should be used to describe the ranking, with the relevant period specified. Then the article will still be accurate if Wikipedia editors are a little slow updating. Folklore1 (talk) 17:35, 6 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 22:15, 6 May 2011 (UTC)

Transportation
"Lawton Area Transit System (LATS) which provides public transit for both Lawton and Fort Sill." needs to be fixed. Folklore1 (talk) 21:28, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

"and is also used for military use" seems to overuse "use" just a bit. Folklore1 (talk) 21:31, 4 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 23:25, 4 May 2011 (UTC)

Notable residents
"Drummer", "Code Talker", "Champion", "Quarterback", and "Contender Champion Boxer" should probably be changed to lower case for consistency with "winning actress", "poet" and "WWII ace". Folklore1 (talk) 12:57, 5 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Code Talker and Contender are proper nouns, but everything else fixed.--Crimsonedge34 (talk) 13:45, 5 May 2011 (UTC)
 * See "Pro Bowlers" and "Code Talker" in the third paragraph. Should these also be lower case? Folklore1 (talk) 14:08, 5 May 2011 (UTC)
 * No. Comanche Code Talker is all one proper noun so it should be capitalized. Pro Bowlers should be capitalized as well since Pro Bowl is a proper noun and Pro Bowlers is a derivative of it.--Crimsonedge34 (talk) 15:18, 5 May 2011 (UTC)

Images
General Lawton's image was assigned "Henry Ware Lawton" as a category in Wikimedia Commons, but there is no such category. This isn't a GA issue, but should be corrected. Folklore1 (talk) 14:03, 5 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Actually, there is a category for "Henry Ware Lawton" with four other images of the general listed in it. Folklore1 (talk) 18:43, 6 May 2011 (UTC)
 * I removed the category-review tag from the Henry Ware Lawton image file in Wikimedia Commons. Folklore1 (talk) 18:47, 6 May 2011 (UTC)

Events and festivals
"one of the longest running Easter Passion Play" "Play" should probably be "plays". You might want to link it to the Wikipedia article, Passion play. Folklore1 (talk) 13:25, 6 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 22:15, 6 May 2011 (UTC)

"In May, Lawton Arts for All hosts the Arts for All Festival" The reference identified the full name of the organization as "Arts for All, Inc." I'm nitpicking again here, but the full name make it clear that there's a formal, legal entity behind the event. Not all nonprofit organizations get sufficiently well organized enough to incorporate. Folklore1 (talk) 13:34, 6 May 2011 (UTC)
 * --Crimsonedge34 (talk) 22:15, 6 May 2011 (UTC)