Talk:LeSean McCoy/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: EricEnfermero (talk · contribs) 04:58, 21 December 2013 (UTC)

I am happy to review this submission. Many thanks to the nominator for the work that has gone into this so far. I will begin with a quick readthrough, then will go section by section and leave feedback here. I should have some initial comments posted within the next day or two. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 04:58, 21 December 2013 (UTC)

After reading through the article, it is clear that a good deal of valuable information has been added, especially for a player whose NFL career is probably still in its early stages. However, one of the big issues here involves criterion #1 of the Good Article criteria - the article must be clearly written and free of major problems with things like grammar and spelling. I have a lot of suggestions that could help along these lines. We can leave this nomination open for a week while you address the suggestions below. Another option would be to close the review now, work on the article at your own pace, then renominate the article for consideration.

Lead
* Lead states that 2007 was his first year at Pitt. No need to include "in his sophomore year of college" for the next year.
 * second-team and All-American should have hyphens.
 * "Thus far in 2013" and "currently" - specify how far into 2013 (after Week ___ or a specific date) as this will go out of date eventually.
 * Avoid opinions like "has had great success" unless you are quoting someone - best to stick with objective facts like yards rushing or TDs
 * ✅ All of this feedback is addressed. The "thus far in 2013" is still there, but I can fix something small like that. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

Early years

 * I would go with a more chronological approach. Right now you talk about the senior year, sophomore year, junior year and senior year again. You mention Ricky Watters early in the section and then at the end of it. Later it jumps from 2007 to 2004. There are multiple ways to organize this, but right now it's a little difficult to keep up with as a reader.
 * Mostly not done. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

❌. There is a direct quote now and a reference, but unless I'm missing something, the reference does not contain the quote. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC) I honestly do not see where you are getting this. The quote in the fourth paragraph is misstated according to the reference, thats my fault. It should read "rated the nation's number 11 running back... After that I am not sure exactly where you are referencing in the article. I took out the sentence about him being number one because I could not find a reference. PhillySportsGuru25 (talk) 15:41, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * A reference is needed after the sentence that says he was once the top prospect in the nation since that's a pretty exceptional claim. The reference after the next sentence says McCoy was once one of the top five.
 * Now it's the fourth paragraph of the Early years section. "McCoy was considered..." There is a reference after that sentence, but I can't find the quote in that reference. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 16:25, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * * Fixed the quote to reflect what it states in the article. The quote is under the High School section of the source towards the bottom. PhillySportsGuru25 (talk) 23:02, 26 December 2013 (UTC)

* Same thing after the sentence about his academic difficulties. That's a contentious statement about a living person, one of the times we definitely want to be backed up by references per WP:MINREF.


 * If you could also break the long first paragraph into two, it would be more easily readable.
 * Chronological order (first bullet) needs to be fixed before we worry about this. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

* In the last sentence, change "there" to "their" (or "his").

✅ but there is a similar issue in the second paragraph of the next section - "starting running back LaRod Stephens-Howling". Change that to just Stephens-Howling, because you introduced his full name and position in the previous paragraph.
 * After the very first sentence in the lead, just refer to McCoy as McCoy, not LeSean or LeSean McCoy - unless the sentence could confuse two people named McCoy. See WP:LASTNAME.

✅ except that the phrasing ("he would be laughing one second and next be crying") is a little awkward. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Explain how he got his nickname. It is explained in one of the references in the lead, but it is not explained in the article itself.

College career - Freshman year
✅ but now the second paragraph is still pretty long if there's a good place to break it up. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * This section is too long for one paragraph.

* "entred" - should be "entered"

* I would take out the sentence about him being eager. Hopefully all college football players are eager.

* The third sentence has an extra "who" in it.

* Panthers Digest - and most other publications - should be placed in italics (two single quote marks on each side of the phrase).


 * "In August 2007, Dave Grdnic wrote this about McCoy..." - change it to the simpler "In August 2007, Dave Grdnic wrote..." Similar problems are actually repeated multiple times in various sections of the article. I see several instances of "__________ had this to say..." instead of just "__________ said..."  I would change all of those, as it will make the article easier to follow.
 * You fixed the one example, but just at a glance, this awkward wording pops up multiple times - both the freshman and sophomore year sections, as well as the 2009 and 2010 sections.

❌ <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "On October 2, 2007..." - this sentence and the next two are too wordy.

❌ <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Consider paraphrasing the quote from Forde instead of quoting it directly. Only sports fans (and really only baseball fans) would fully understand the Wally Pipp reference. I would take it out, because it would be awkward to try to explain it in this article.

* "freshmen All-American" should be Freshman All-American.

College career - Sophomore year
* Break up this long first paragraph.

* Instead of saying that he received high praise from Dorsett, tell us what Dorsett actually said. I would also specify "Pro Football Hall of Famer Tony Dorsett" to clarify which Hall of Fame you're referring to.

* "The Panthers face" - change to "faced" and change falcons to uppercase. No comma in the next sentence.

* Lots of non-neutral language in this section - I would tone that down. Examples: big win, best game, toppled, flourished. Best game is probably not a huge deal, especially if it is sourced, but there are several non-neutral words in this part of the article.


 * Wannstedt says McCoy told him that he was staying for his junior year only a few days before McCoy decided to go pro. His sudden change of heart received significant media coverage. I would include some information about that in the article.
 * Done. The grammar and punctuation in the new information is a little rough, but I can fix that once we work through these other issues. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

Professional career
* I would combine the pre-draft table and the info under Philadelphia Eagles. Maybe title it NFL Draft. Right now you have two sections that are too small to stand on their own.

* Watch for non-neutral tone in the 2009 section ("yet again" versus "again"; take out "performed well" and just give the stats).


 * 2010 section: Break up the long paragraph. The same is true for the rest of the season sections.
 * This section is better. One thing though: You mention the Green Bay Packers at least three times in the section. After the first time, just refer to them as Green Bay or as the Packers. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

* "made great strides to better improve his game" - take that out and just write about how he improved.

❌ <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * You can mention his number change, but I wouldn't go into detail or mention Booker, who went to the UFL without scoring an NFL TD.
 * I disagree about mentioning Booker. I think it is important to mention Booker because he is the reason McCoy could not wear the number out of college. Somewhat trival but I'll fix it if this means getting to GA.PhillySportsGuru25 (talk) 15:49, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * No problem. I see where you're coming from. You're free to comment on any of these things and tell me why they're okay. That would be better than not saying anything and then telling me that all of the feedback has been addressed. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 16:25, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

* "Head Coach Andy Reid" - lowercase for coach, wikilink Andy Reid

* The Reid quote has opening quotation marks but no closing quotation marks.

* "Both the Eagles and Giants" - change the end of this sentence to "with a 6-3 win-loss record"

* "yet another impressive game" - another phrase you can probably just take out


 * "Yards per carry(YPC)" - change to "yards per carry" (YPC)
 * The caps issue is fixed; I will edit to add a space before the first parenthesis. There are a few of those in this article. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)


 * The part about the Next Level Awards is not written very clearly. I can't find any coverage of these awards outside of the ESPN site, so it might be best to take this out.
 * This is still unclear to me: "McCoy was awarded "Locked and Loaded" best RB facing a loaded box." Is that whole thing the name of the award? I still might take this out or shorten it. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)


 * Ok. So for two years ESPN did this special thing called Next Level Awards. This is what "Next Level", means a blend of traditional statistics and the advanced metrics we call "Next Level." So what ESPN did was give out special awards. His awarded was "Locked and Loaded" and the description for the award is best running back facing a loaded box. His is the reference that I have listed in the article and it explains everything. Sorry, but I am not sure what the confusion is. http://espn.go.com/blog/statsinfo/post/_/id/15211/2010-next-level-awards-wr-rb-defense. Again, if taking this out means GA, I'll do it. But I think this is important because the article has some good quotes about McCoy's running style and early career success in the NFL. PhillySportsGuru25 (talk) 15:49, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * It's just not phrased very well. I can fix that up once we address some of the bigger stuff. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 16:25, 24 December 2013 (UTC)


 * In the 2011 section, it talks about how he finished the season, then talks about specific games, then talks about how he finished. The organization makes this hard to follow. There are a couple of places where you need a space before a parenthesis like the YPC one above.
 * Better, but you still talk about the 17 rushing TDs at the beginning and at the end. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)


 * 2012: "he looked every bit of it" - remove this, as it is unsourced opinion.
 * This section is better. It also has organization problems though. It talks about his concussion, then about his comeback, then about how many games he missed due to the concussion. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

* 2013: Don't start off by restating his 2012 injury. Remove the next sentence with the unsourced opinion. Also take out the part about being tremendous. If you mention anything involving Wide Receiver, use lowercase. FedEx Ground Player of the Week is uppercase. Unlink Andy Reid because he will be linked earlier in the article.

* Take out the separate heading for the Snow Bowl since it's just discussed in one paragraph.

* Take out "currently leads" and replace with an "as of" date.

Endorsements
* It is probably better to merge this with another section, maybe Personal, since it is too short to stand on its own.

Personal

 * "It depicts McCoy at Bishop McDevitt high school, when he suffered a serious injury that threatened his football career" - you can simplify this since you've already mentioned the HS injury earlier in the article. Ex.: "It depicts McCoy in high school around the time of his ankle injury."
 * Better, except that high school should be lowercase and Bishop McDevitt High School should be uppercase. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)


 * In the part about the Twitter incident, the article doesn't really give us any idea what happened. Did they exchange accusations? Call each other names? What was the dispute over?
 * Where did this go? I think it's significant enough for a mention. When I start to google McCoy's name, one of the autofill options comes up as "Lesean McCoy Twitter". <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * The whole twitter thing I decided to take out because the whole situation was kind of awkward. I dont remember exactly what happened but something along the lines of this. He had an exchange with the "baby mama" and she accused him of being a "deadbeat dad". After this exchange went viral McCoy accused his account of being hacked, which is was not. Really just dont think this whole exchange is to important but if you want it in the article, I'll try to research it more fully. PhillySportsGuru25 (talk) 15:52, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Awkwardness is usually not one of the deciding factors as to whether an item is included in an article, but I'll go with you that it's not critically important for the article. <font face ="Cambria" color="maroon">EricEnfermero <font face= "Cambria" color="black">HOWDY! 16:25, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

* On the same point, I can't find anything in the reference which states that the woman was estranged.