Talk:Lees Ferry/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Montanabw (talk · contribs) 01:25, 4 November 2014 (UTC)

I will review this article and be back with comments soon. Montanabw (talk) 01:25, 4 November 2014 (UTC)

Initial assessment spotted a few dead links, can you fix these and then I can go on and complete the verification of them? Other short comments in chart above, will add longer comments here if needed; you can also discuss here. Montanabw (talk) 08:57, 9 November 2014 (UTC) More to come, fee free to start on what is listed here. Montanabw (talk) 09:14, 9 November 2014 (UTC)
 * 1) The lede is just on the edge of long enough; I spotted a couple things that might be interesting to add there and will note them as I go.
 * 2) There are dead links to fix (four at the time I ran this) see here:  http://dispenser.homenet.org/~dispenser/cgi-bin/webchecklinks.py?page=Lee's_Ferry
 * 3) The HABS LOC links in the EL section go to pages of little use.  No images show and it appears these would just be potential references for later.  I'd cut them.
 * 4) In the EL section, I'd also chop some more stuff. This link is dead: http://www.azgfd.gov/h_f/FishingLocationsMap.shtml and the "UP Native goes wild" is not available to non-subscribers, and seems to have no real relevance. The current conditions link is suitable to keep. The boating locations link is down, but it may be temporary
 * 5) I'd remove the phrasing "Mormon Utah" from the lead, the bulk of travelers may well have been Mormon, but the phrasing is mildly stereotypic; I'd just say "Utah".
 * 6) I'm spotting a fair number of run-on sentences, take a copyedit through and if you see a lot of commas, consider breaking things up a bit, I particularly noticed the geology seciton has this problem.
 * 7) There is a slight (not serious, but enough that I picked up on it) anti-Mormon tone; the area clearly has an extensive Mormon history, but it seems that there are some places where the emphasis can be toned down a bit.
 * 8) the section on John Lee goes a bit past history with phrasing such as "scapegoat"  references to a coverup and such; it borders on OR and I'd recommend toning it down.  Much of that first paragraph probably should be incorporated into the John Lee article; what's relevant here is that he started the ferry, and that he was somewhat in exile due to his participation,; it's OK to note his execution, and even that he was the only one, but the paragraph has too much editorializing. Trim it a bit.  Fixed.
 * 9) The water rights stuff is quite interesting, I'd add another sentence on that to the lede.
 * 10) Any other activities besides rafting? Fishing?  Camping?  Any expansion of that section possible?


 * I'm starting to edit the article now based on your comments. Shann  o  n  01:54, 12 November 2014 (UTC)
 * No rush, take your time and ping me when you want me to take a look at your work!  Montanabw (talk)  06:59, 12 November 2014 (UTC)


 * You are making great progress! Neutral tone much better, sourcing and cleanup well underway.  I'd chop the "U. P. native goes 'Into The Wild'" EL, no reason that one is needed as far as I can tell:  If an EL contains material that can be incorporated into the article and then become a footnote, that's the thing to do.  If it's there because it's a site that has copyrighted material we can't use effectively in the article - like the boat launch map - that's acceptable, as is an "official" web site.  I guess if the UP Native article is there for a reason, let me know what that reason is

. Keep on with the copyedits, the source fixes look good. I'm pleased with the work you are doing here! Montanabw (talk) 06:18, 15 November 2014 (UTC)
 * I've added a bit of info about fishing and hiking in the Recreation section, there isn't really a lot of detail I can put because Lee's Ferry is really more of a "jumping-off point" than an attraction in itself, if you catch my drift... I might put some info about the NHRP designation there, though... I might be without internet access from ~this Saturday through next Saturday but I'll try to do as much as I can. Shann  o  n  18:51, 20 November 2014 (UTC)
 * Good progress, yes, I think some of the NHRP info would be great. You're pretty close to done, here.  WIll you object if I do a bit of minor copyediting?  I don't want to become an "involved" editor, as I am the reviewer, but there is a bit of copyediting that would smooth things out a bit in a couple places.   Montanabw (talk)  06:00, 24 November 2014 (UTC)
 * Oh yes, definitely, I'd welcome any changes you think would make the article better. I'll get some more info up in the next couple of days. Sorry for stretching out this review quite a bit, I've been running around trying to get things sorted out for Thanksgiving. Shann  o  n  05:22, 25 November 2014 (UTC)

Did a light copyedit, fixed one place where the ref didn't verify the content. Revert anything you don't like, fix any errors of mine. Trout me if I really screwed up. All is good to me, this article passes! Montanabw (talk) 00:24, 28 November 2014 (UTC)
 * Ah, thank you for the copyedit, it took me longer than I thought to get back to WP. Thanks for the review! Shann  o  n  23:38, 4 December 2014 (UTC)