Talk:Lei'd in Hawaii/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:50, 25 November 2021 (UTC)

Live album for once! --K. Peake 09:50, 25 November 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Remove the default cover from the infobox, as that is for example pages rather than albums with no actual cover
 * The HIC Arena is not sourced anywhere in the body
 * Wikilink live album
 * "by the American rock band" → "by American rock band" with the pipe
 * "of their 1967 release Smiley Smile." → "of their 12th studio album, Smiley Smile (1967)."
 * Remove [1] from the lead since not only is that sourced in the body, but refs are discouraged here
 * "Monterey Pop Festival in June." → "Monterey Pop Festival the following month."
 * "in late August, the band's" → "in late August 1967, the Beach Boys'"
 * Remove the first shows part since it's not notable for the lead
 * Add a sentence directly after the Wilson one mentioning that however, Bruce Johnston declined to appear at the shows, so the para is a decent length of four sentences
 * "the group arranged their songs in a similar minimalist style as" → "the band arranged their songs in a minimalist style similar to" with the pipe
 * Pipe Baldwin organ to Baldwin Piano Company
 * "Their set-list included several of their past" → "The Beach Boys' set-list included past"
 * Pipe singles to Single (music)
 * "in September, the band" → "in September 1967, the band"
 * "as a live-in-the-studio album with the intention of inserting" → "as a live album in the studio, intending to insert" to be less repetitive with the body
 * "The project was" → "Lei'd in Hawaii was"
 * "their next album, Wild Honey." → "their next studio album, Wild Honey (1967)."
 * Start the last para with a sentence about the critical reception for Lei'd in Hawaii
 * Write reissues instead of box sets since the former is sourced in the body

Background

 * The img text is not of any relevance; either reword or replace the img
 * "The band's concerts in" → "Their concerts in"
 * "while a sell-out, received" → "while selling out, were met with"
 * "had bestowed upon the group" → "had bestowed upon them" because they are a band and changing to "them" may seem to be about other shows
 * "In June, Brian Wilson" → "In June 1967, Brian Wilson"
 * Remove comma before Smile and add the release year
 * "The band also announced" → "The Beach Boys also announced"
 * "they focused on" → "the band focused on" and add the album's release year
 * Pipe rock n' roll to Rock and roll
 * "Brian's 2016 memoir" → "Brian Wilson's 2016 memoir" per MOS:SAMESURNAME
 * "Rumors that the band" → "Rumors that the Beach Boys"

Live performances

 * Img looks good!
 * "to play the" → "to play at the"
 * "appearance from Brian Wilson," → "appearance from Wilson," per him being the most recent person of the surname mentioned
 * "felt that the band's situation" → "felt that the Beach Boys' situation"
 * Remove usage of "the" prior to NME
 * Pipe Baldwin organ to Baldwin Piano Company
 * "Doe adds that Wilson's" → "Doe adds that Brian's" per MOS:SAMESURNAME (another Wilson is mentioned here)
 * Add surnames of Carl and Alan using [], as this is the first time that either of them are mentioned
 * "stated that the occasion," → "stated that the performances,"
 * "their venue, Brian responded," → "a venue, Brian Wilson responded," since Carl is the most recent Wilson to be mentioned
 * "We wanted to another..." it looks like the word do is either missing from the quote or needs to be inserted using []
 * "It would have been the band's" → "It would have been their"
 * Wikilink live album outside of the quote per MOS:LINKSTYLE
 * "speculated that a" → "speculates that a"
 * "Smiley Smile album."" → "Smiley Smile album"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "show the group" → "shows the band"
 * "their wives and girlfriends."" → "their wives and girlfriends"."
 * "The group reconfigured" → "The Beach Boys reconfigured"
 * Are you sure "the engagement" is an appropriate term here?
 * "included several of their past hits," → "included several past hits," to avoid overusage of their
 * "and the Box Tops'" → "and a cover version of the Box Tops'"
 * "Footage of the band performing" → "Footage of them performing"
 * Add the release year of "God Only Knows" in brackets
 * Wikilink Radio City Music Hall, keeping pipe to An All-Star Tribute to Brian Wilson only on the text after the hall name
 * "the group decided that the recordings were" → "the Beach Boys decided that the set was"
 * "wrote that the band" → "wrote that they"

Studio sessions

 * Pipe Wally Heider Recording to Wally Heider Studios
 * "September 29 as the band" → "September 29, as the band"
 * Isn't the song titled "The Game of Love"? Either way, add the release year in brackets
 * Pipe overdubbed to Overdubbing
 * Pipe spoken-word to Spoken word
 * "of what became" → "of what became the Beach Boys' 13th studio album" and add the release year
 * Remove wikilink on the Beatles

Release

 * "the release of the live album." → "the release of Lei'd in Hawaii."
 * Pipe compilations to Compilation album
 * Wikilink reissues
 * Made in California release is not sourced
 * Pipe bootleg to Bootleg recording
 * Pipe Friends to Friends (The Beach Boys album) and add the release year
 * "for its digital-exclusive" → "on its digital-exclusive"

Critical reception

 * "way with swing."" → "way with swing"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "wrote that the studio sessions" → "said that the studio sessions"
 * Put more of Priore's review into your own words per WP:QUOTEFARM
 * Pipe Pitchfork to Pitchfork (website)
 * Wikilink the Who
 * Pipe Uncut to Uncut (magazine)
 * The Mike Love mention is not notable for the above review

Set list and tracks

 * Add sources for these set lists
 * Pipe "Hawaii" to Hawaii (The Beach Boys song)

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed, after I reviewed this over a few days! --K. Peake 13:26, 27 November 2021 (UTC)


 * ✅ A few suggestions were not heeded because they didn't make sense (ex. adding a release year for Smile) or I wasn't sure how to implement them (ex. adding a note about critical reception to lead without it being WP:SYNTH). ili (talk) 20:22, 27 November 2021 (UTC)
 * I must have not noticed the unfinished part during the review, but you can mention what critics mostly praised/criticized about the album without giving an overall consensus if you are trying to avoid WP:SYNTH; what else did you not implement? --K. Peake 07:53, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ I've added a statement about critical perspective in the lead. I did not remove the detail about the concerts being the first to feature Brian Wilson since 1965 because I thought that it was indeed lead-worthy. It was highly unusual for a rock group to tour without their frontman in the 1960s, and this occasion marked Wilson's last appearances in concert for the decade. ili (talk) 19:37, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
 * This mostly looks better, but the references need fixing where I commented about issues with the same pages still... elsewise, it's good to go! (Here is the old id) --K. Peake 22:54, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
 * I thought I had addressed every issue with the references. Not sure what else needs to be done. ili (talk) 22:56, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
 * What were refs 4 and 17 still remain, though they are now refs 3 and 16... fix this duplication of sorts. --K. Peake 08:19, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * I can't do that because the claims corresponding to ref 3 (Badman pp. 188-190) aren't the same claims corresponding to ref 16 (Badman p. 199). If what you're actually suggesting is to combine the citations into "Badman pp. 188-190, 199", then I'm not sure why being less specific with sources would be an improvement. ili (talk) 08:53, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * No, what I am confused about is why ref 3 cites pp. 188–190 when the below one cites 188-195 anyway, as well as why ref 16 cites p. 199 when ref 19 cites 199-200 already? --K. Peake 09:29, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * As I've explained, the relevant text simply corresponds to different pages of the book. There's a relatively sizable amount of detail spread across the pages. Ref 3 pertains to details about their Monterey cancellation (May–June 1967) and ref 4 pertains to the subsequent recording and release of Smiley Smile (June–September 1967). I could have combined every sfn template into "Badman pp. 183-201" but then the reader would be forced to peruse 18 pages just to find the one sentence that would support the claim they're trying to verify. ili (talk) 21:30, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ granted, your explanation for the refs being separate makes sense to avoid heavy searching through books. --K. Peake 07:28, 30 November 2021 (UTC)