Talk:Leopoldo Salazar Viniegra/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 06:00, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

Hi! From reading through this article, my guess is that you are working from Spanish in your head. I see a lot of word order items and other things that strike me as normal in Spanish but not in English. I am a non-native Spanish speaker and writer, but I hear the other side of this.

There are a lot of copy changes; I have some concerns about close paraphrasing in translation and some gaps in sourcing. You have (roughly) 7 days to make the changes needed, and then the page will be passed or failed based on how it is at that time. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 00:50, 29 August 2023 (UTC)


 * @Sammi Brie, Thank you for this assessment. I will get to work on it. And your comment on "working from Spanish in your head" is accurate. Appreciate your time and effort on this! Bflx 11 (talk) 16:49, 29 August 2023 (UTC)


 * I see you have done a lot of these items. What is left to be done here? Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 04:37, 30 August 2023 (UTC)

Lead

 * professor, whose scientific investigations This comma is not needed ✅
 * the institution Salazar worked add "where" after "institution" ✅
 * These investigations detailed in his report "El mito de la marihuana" (English: The myth about marijuana) ✅
 * Put a comma after "detailed" and after the parentheses.✅
 * (English: The myth about marijuana) Suggest styling the English translation in title case. While Spanish usually has sentence-case titles, English has title-case titles.✅
 * helped Salazar launch onto the national public discourse the de-stigmatization of drug addiction Maybe "onto...agenda" or " into...discourse"✅
 * Salazar focused his final years studying mental health illnesses "focused" always needs "on", but I think this would sound better as Salazar dedicated his final years to studying mental health illnesses ✅

Early life

 * Salazar was born in Pánuco de Coronado, Durango in 1898 Needs a MOS:GEOCOMMA✅
 * He left to Europe Left for Europe would be more idiomatic✅

Career

 * Why is General Asylum capitalized?
 * The official name in Spanish is Manicomio General La Castañeda according to this source from the Mexican gov. In the El Universal source, the author also writes it as "Mexico City’s General Asylum known as La Castañeda." Would it be more fitting to write it out as - Manicomio General La Castañeda (English: General Asylum La Castañeda)-... ? ✅
 * Hospital de Drogadicción de Ciudad de Mexico is there a missing la in this name?
 * I don't think so, copied from source "...puesto a cargo del Hospital de Drogadicción de Ciudad de México" ✅
 * such as insanity, delirium, hallucinations, and criminality Put commas around this appositive ✅
 * the criminal sociology journal, Criminalia. Remove comma✅
 * drug substances this strikes me as unidiomatic.
 * drugs/drogas are used across the sources, feels like a more natural replacement. ✅
 * Salazar believed that by placing the prescription and distribution of drug substances under the authority of the government and control of medical professionals, those with drug addiction could receive better medical treatment, and run drug traffickers out of business. Remove the last comma (User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences, CinS)✅
 * He used this journalistic medium not idiomatic ✅
 * In March 1938, he published an open letter... I'd use "Salazar" as first mention this paragraph, not "he".✅
 * one of the most prominent drug traffickers in Mexico City that operated in the neighborhood of La Merced. "that" should be "who" ✅
 * exploiting the corruption in society among the police force and politicians Spanish would call for the "the" before "corruption", but English doesn't ✅

Impact

 * and/or just "or" here ✅
 * Hyphenate "high-priced" and later "low-cost"✅
 * the law effectively legalized psychoactive substances, and attempted to guarantee medical attention to drug addicts Remove comma (CinS)✅
 * "safe quality" should be "safe, quality"✅
 * Around 200 people with some estimates stating as many as a 1000 attended the clinics daily Rewrite to Around 200 people—as many as 1,000, according to some estimates—attended the clinics daily Note that "a 1,000" is not idiomatic in English✅
 * Hyphenate "state-controlled"✅
 * The law was in effect for about 5 months, when on July 3, 1940, Move the comma to after "when"✅
 * United States administration I would say the United States federal government. "Administration" is usually used to refer to a specific president: "the Nixon administration", "the Reagan administration".✅
 * in DC change to in Washington, D.C.,✅
 * "Departments in the United States" should be "government agencies"✅
 * Documents show the Treasury Department had focused on Salazar as early as August 1938, and reached the attention of US Secretary of State Cordell Hull on October 21, 1938, after Salazar sent a discourse to the Mexican Embassy in Switzerland that recommended Mexico take an international stance to the defense of marijuana.
 * Remove the first comma.✅
 * Change "and reached" to "and that Salazar came to the attention of..."✅
 * recommended Mexico take an international stance to the defense of marijuana Try recommended Mexico defend marijuana at the international level.✅
 * Comité de Tráfico de Opio y Otras Drogas Peligrosas I'd use an English name. Most common per sourcing is the League of Nations Opium Advisory Committee.✅
 * leaving to Mexico maybe "returning to Mexico"✅
 * As a result, the U.S. invoked the 1935 amendments to the Law of Importation and Exportation of Narcotics. there is a verification needed tag saying this law was not amended in 1935. The BBC source does say this. Please rectify.✅
 * The problem is still underlying. The Narcotic Drugs Import and Export Act was not amended in 1935. Please figure out what was actually amended or enacted then! Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 22:18, 2 September 2023 (UTC)
 * @Sammi Brie The Flores Guevara thesis, on pg. 154, also mentions this 1935 amendment to the Narcotic drugs import and export act, citing pg.128 of William O. Walker's Drug Control in the Americas. Note #46 on page 241 of Drug Control in the Americas, provides additional details on this amendment that's referenced, with titles and specific page numbers as to where to find this info in government docs. Benjamin Smith is an experienced professor of Latin Am history, and author of that BBC article. BBC is considered a generally reliable source by the Wiki community. What's the reasoning for challenging this source? Would adding these citations (Flores Guevara & Walker) satisfy verifiability of the 1935 text? Bflx 11 (talk) 04:43, 3 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Wow, that is a rabbit hole. It leads to a piece of law called the Anti-Smuggling Act of 1935 (added this in). Weird that we have this conflict. DEFINITELY add Walker at least; it's necessary. How is the rest of the article coming change-wise? Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 18:33, 3 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Added in the Walker citation. I believe everything has been addressed, and hopefully haven't created a new set of issues with the rewriting. (but if it's still needs more edits, i'll get to it) Appreciative of your insight throughout this process
 * Independent of anything else... Pings don't work if you don't sign in the same edit. Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 05:40, 4 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Change "to DC" to "to Washington"✅
 * "U.S. Administration" just "U.S. government"✅
 * the punitive response Find a more idiomatic way to say this. "and criminal punishments" probably✅

Later life

 * repeal of the law of Reglamento "law of" should be removed as redundant✅
 * Don't capitalize "director" when not being used as the job title next to his name✅
 * irregularities in the financial administration change "the" to "its".✅

Spot checks

 * 1: this thesis is used for the birth/death information. Everything checks out but birthplace. There is this footnote that indicates there is disagreement in the principal academic sources:
 * Both birthplaces are included in the article now. I also added a note referencing Flores Guevara's footnote. Does this work? ✅
 * Yes. Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 18:33, 3 September 2023 (UTC)
 * 3: Various items here, including his relationship with patients. General advice: Use advocacy sources with a grain of salt; they can be reliable but not neutral.
 * Note: I find and He published his research findings in several well-known academic journals, including the Gaceta Médica de Mexico, the journal of the Sociedad de Neurología y Psiquiatría de Mexico, the journal Manicomios, and Criminalia, a publication of the Academia en Ciencias Penales. to be way too similar. Close paraphrasing should be avoided, even in translation. Please spend a bit of time particularly with this source to de-CLOP it.✅
 * His relationship with patients was also included in the El Universal source, which is why it felt significant enough (to me) to include. Also I spent some time rewriting to de-CLOP and simplify the text to facts.
 * 4: This is an incredibly used source (19 times) from the BBC.
 * The July 3 date is not in this article—is it elsewhere? "Months later" is in the article later but there is not as much precision.
 * Changed citation to the El Universal article that has that info ✅
 * Fixed.
 * Other details check out. ✅
 * 8: A book on the topic. Judging by the abstract, calling him best known for his zealous pursuit of harsh drug penalties and his particular animus for marijuana users, it checks out. ✅
 * 8: A book on the topic. Judging by the abstract, calling him best known for his zealous pursuit of harsh drug penalties and his particular animus for marijuana users, it checks out. ✅

Images
The circa-1930 photograph is PD in Mexico and the US.