Talk:Lessons (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 01:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll be glad to take this review. Thanks in advance for your work on this one. -- Khazar2 (talk) 01:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

Initial readthrough
I made some copyedits as I went, so please double-check my work to see that I haven't accidentally changed the meaning. A few points need to be clarified:
 * "He explains about the significance of the flute and the events he experienced as Kamin " --can this be explained in a sentence or two here to avoid a non-knowledgeable reader from having to click through for the full explanation?
 * Added a couple of lines to briefly cover it. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


 * "Daren requests an officer transfer " -- where is she trying to transfer to? Off the ship?
 * Rearranged those related sentences so they should make more sense now. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


 * "the firestorms are heading towards the outside" -- towards the outside of what?
 * Should have been "outpost" rather than "outside". Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


 * " before they can be retrieved" -- are there other people with Daren? The "they" is unclear here.
 * Reworded it in a couple of places to make it clear that Daren wasn't alone. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


 * "in the line of duty" -- I'm not sure this quite the right phrase here. Perhaps just "in danger"?
 * Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


 * "to the final version of the script after Brannon Braga wished to avoid after recently working on another love story related script for "Aquiel"" -- this is unclear to me--what was Braga trying to avoid? who is Braga, anyway? I know I can click through, but better to give some context here.
 * It should be saying that he was avoiding trying to do the re-write and so they had to call in a non-staff writer to do it. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


 * "but would be completely replaced by the time it reappears" -- this is missing a subject; right now the sentence says "The episode ... would be completely replaced." Would it be correct to say "the set" here?
 * I ended up doing a slight rephrase on the sentence in hindsight. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


 * " in the subplot in Star Trek: Generations" -- what subplot is that
 * Added. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

Overall this seems to cover its subject well and to be well sourced. I'll start the checklist below.
 * Thanks for the review. Let me know if you can see anything else I need to fix. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)