Talk:Levi Mackin/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: ♥ Nici ♥ Vampire ♥ Heart ♥ 05:27, 7 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Quck fail criteria:


 * 1) Has reliable sources Symbol support vote.svg
 * 2) Is written neutrally Symbol support vote.svg
 * 3) No valid cleanup tags Symbol support vote.svg
 * 4) Is relatively stable with no edit wars Symbol support vote.svg
 * 5) Not specifically concerned with a rapidly unfolding current event with a definite endpoint Symbol support vote.svg


 * Full review
 * GA review (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

1a: prose

 * Wrexham section
 * "Chester City as a schoolboy before moving to Wrexham as a schoolboy" - repitition of "as a schoolboy"
 * Reworded to "He played for hometown club Chester City as a schoolboy before moving to Wrexham on the same basis at the age of 15". Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "He was suffering from a sore thigh in January 2005" - so what? Did it keep him out of action? Hinder his performances? This sentence really doesn't lead anywhere.
 * Expanded to "He was suffering from a sore thigh in January 2005 and he made his return to the team in a 0–0 draw with MK Dons". Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "and his first professional contract was signed at the end of the season in May" --> "and signed his first professional contract at the end of the season in May".
 * Rewritten as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "Mackin drew praised" - should be "drew praise".
 * Changed to "drew praise". Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * ""We wouldn't keep persevering with him if we didn't think he was any good - these games are an opportunity for all the players to get a run-out."" - I'd cut the second half of this quote and leave it at ""We wouldn't keep persevering with him if we didn't think he was any good"". "All the players" isn't really relevant to Mackin.
 * Removed the second half. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "A knee injury sustained during a 1–0 victory over Darlington on 29 October, which resulted in him being substituted in the 31st minute, was expected to keep him out of the team from between eight to 12 weeks. He spent nearly three months injured". Is the "expected to keep him out of the team from between eight to 12 weeks" really necessary? He was expected to be out for between 2-3 months and was out for 2-3 months. Suggest rewording this to "He sustained a knee injury during a 1–0 victory over Darlington on 29 October, which resulted in him being substituted in the 31st minute. He spent nearly three months injured".
 * Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "rejoining the squad towards the end of January 2006 and he made his return to the team on 4 February" - I'm assuming he rejoined the squad for training? This isn't very clear.
 * It doesn't explicitly state he returned to training but I'm assuming that's the case so I've added it in. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "new contract in June and eventually signed on in July" - don't like the phrase "signed on" or "eventually". A month later is "eventually"? I'd suggest "new contract in June, which he signed in July".
 * Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "Mackin suffered a knee injury during a reserve team game in September, with his return to the team coming in a 4–1 defeat after extra time at Birmingham City of the Championship in the League Cup on 19 September". Confusing. He was injured in September, but returned to the team in September? Or is this supposed to mean he returned to the main team?
 * Reworded to "Mackin suffered a knee injury during a reserve team game in September and he made his return as a 90th minute substitute in a 4–1 defeat after extra time at Birmingham City of the Championship in the League Cup second round on 19 September". Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "was suffering a knee injury" sounds strange.
 * Reworded to "He picked up another knee injury..." Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "the loan was extended until the end of the season on 31 January". Confusing. Do you mean the loan was extended on 31 January through to the end of the season or that the season ended on 31 January?
 * Reworded to "...the loan was extended on 31 January until the end of the season...". Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You use the same quote twice in successive paragraphs - "frustratingly rare" - and it jumped out at me in my first read-through. One of them should be either changed or removed.
 * Changed the second instance to just "rare". Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "He made his return from a one-match suspension". Was the suspension because of the red card previously mentioned or another reason? Clarify.
 * Reworded to "He was handed a one-match suspension..." Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * York City section
 * Update on the injury suffered on 14 August? Did he actually end up having a scan? Is it serious? Has he returned to playing yet?
 * Updated. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * International career section
 * "Despite being born in England, Mackin was involved in two matches with the Wales under-17 team". How was he eligible for this? I'm assuming through his grandparents/parents but it needs to be stated.
 * I've tried Googling this but haven't been able to find anything. I imagine your assumpion is correct but obviously a source will be needed. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * "named on standby". What does this mean?
 * A standby list is for players who are ready to be called into the full squad in case one of those players drops out. I'v tried clarifying this by expanding it to "the standby list" for the first instance as there's no wikilink available and I can't find a source that uses that explanation to use in the article. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)

2b: reliable sources

 * Concerned about:
 * reference 1 from Findmypast.com. Is this reliable?
 * This and this discussion would suggest not so I've replaced it with The PFA Premier & Football League Players' Records 1946-2005. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * refefences 99 and 105 from Dragon Soccer. It's not connected with the Welsh Football Association per, so I'd be slightly concerned about using it. I'd recomend replacing it if possible.
 * I've been unable to find a replacement for ref 99 but I've swapped ref 105 with an article from the Welsh Premier League. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)

3a: major aspects

 * not much personal info. There is a good deal on his early career, early clubs and so on, but the article could use some more in-depth detail on the man himself if it's available.
 * I know he is/was in a relationship with Dina Massey from Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum (through message boards and seeing her wave at him at a match (not that the latter is particularly conclusive)), but I've not been able to find a source for this. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)

6b: image use

 * I'd move the image in the York City section to the left per MOS:IMAGES: "place images of faces so that the face or eyes look toward the text".
 * Moved to the left. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I'd also suggest adding alt text to the images, although this is not a requirement and will not impact the decision to promote.
 * Added alt text. Mattythewhite (talk) 00:14, 11 September 2010 (UTC)

Overall

 * Several prose problems present which need to be addressed.
 * I am placing this article on hold for seven days to allow you to fix the problems listed. If the work is completed before then, I will pass the article before the seven days are up. If no attempts are made to correct the problems, I will fail the article in seven days. If you are not finished within the seven days, I have no problem in extending the hold period to allow you to finish, as long as I see work is being carried out on the article.
 * To make it easier for me to see how much work has been done, please either strike each comment when the problem has been fixed or post a note underneath each item saying it is completed.
 * Feel free request to clarification on anything; you can leave comments on my talk page or here, as I have this page watchlisted.
 * ♥ Nici ♥ Vampire ♥ Heart ♥ 05:27, 7 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Alright. Changes all look good. Obviously, if personal life information becomes available it should be added. Nothing else jumps out at me in another read-through, so I'll pass the article. Congratulations. ♥ Nici ♥ Vampire ♥ Heart ♥ 08:50, 12 September 2010 (UTC)