Talk:Lewis W. Green/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 18:23, 30 October 2023 (UTC)

Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 19:11, 5 April 2024 (UTC)

I'll take on this review. Harper J. Cole (talk) 19:11, 5 April 2024 (UTC)


 * Some suggestions, let me know what you think...
 * Slightly awkward wording; does this mean the reason he returned was his election, or did the two events just happen at the same time?
 * Clarified to "The reason for his return..." PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Would recommend tweaking this sentence so it doesn't repeat the word "after".
 * Reworded this. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:54, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * I've not personally seen "drew" used in this way before. I'd expect something like "recruited," but perhaps this is a phrasing I'm not familiar with?
 * I used it in a similar sense of "drawing someone in" to something, but for comprehension's sake I changed it to "recruited" PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * This lengthy sentence feels like it could be split into two.
 * Split. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * I'm a bit unclear on what happened here. Did the Kentucky Presbyterians tell him to transfer, or did he make the decision?
 * I had a hard time figuring this out; the source by Halsey says "After completing the studies of the junior year in this institution, he was transferred to Centre College in Danville, then just organized by the Presbyterians of Kentucky...The reason for this change was that the Presbyterians of the State, becoming dissatisfied with the infidel principles of Dr. Holley, had withdrawn their support from Transylvania, and determined to build up an institution at Danville." I am hesitant to say one way or another whether he chose to transfer or not because I don't feel that the source supports it either way. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * I think you can be more specific (he returned to teach).
 * Clarified as recommended. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Second consecutive sentence with "though" in it; perhaps rewrite as "He did return to his alma mater in August 1832..." or similar.
 * Changed to "He did ultimately return..." PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Unless I missed a reference, this describes him remarrying before any mention of his first marriage. I appreciate that his personal life is covered in a later section, but a brief mention of why he was on his second marriage would be in order.
 * I replaced "after he was remarried" with "after his marriage to Mary Lawrence" - does this work alright? PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Which citation covers this sentence?
 * Whoops, added. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * You can wikilink freedmen.
 * Decided to replace "the freedmen" with "they", since talking about "free[ing] them" later in the same sentence sounded weird to me if I've already described them as freedmen. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Restructure so that "in order to" is not used twice.
 * Reworded. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Do we know what it increased from?
 * I looked back at the source and realized I had it wrong - it had increased by 80 grand, not to 80 grand. Unfortunately the source doesn't give a starting/ending figure from what I can tell since it's summarizing a magazine article written around 1900 that itself did not contain more specific information. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure you need the second part of this sentence ("except on one occasion" etc); it's straying from the subject of Green, and is missing details in any case.
 * Good point, I think I got distracted by how off-guard it caught me. Removed. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Citation 40 refers to page 48. Looking at the source, it actually seems to be page 50; a printing error has led to the page being mislabelled as page 48, but a look at the the preceding and following pages confirms it to be page 50.
 * Wow, good catch. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Suggest rephrasing to avoid near repetition (inaugurated/inaugural).
 * Removed "inaugural". PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * The phrase "in fact" seems a bit conversational for an encyclopedia.
 * Removed. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Suggest restructuring to avoid repeating "after".
 * Changed second "after" to "following" PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * These are all quite minor fixes. The general structure looks sound, and the subject's life to be covered thoroughly. Harper J. Cole (talk) 23:04, 5 April 2024 (UTC)
 * @Harper J. Cole Thanks for the review, I will get started on these shortly! I am hoping to take this to FAC soon so if you see anything that could be improved as far as the FA criteria are concerned that would also be much appreciated. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 00:25, 6 April 2024 (UTC)
 * everything has been fixed/responded to above! PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 01:55, 7 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Thanks, happy to promote this. I've not had any FA promotions myself, so I couldn't say what changes might be needed to reach that level. Harper J. Cole (talk) 10:37, 7 April 2024 (UTC)