Talk:Live in Tokyo (Charles Tolliver album)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)

I will take this on later today. --K. Peake 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Infobox looks good!
 * Wikilink jazz
 * "during their first tour" → "during Tolliver and Music Inc.'s first tour"
 * "Truth" being among the original compositions is not directly sourced anywhere in the body
 * The track listing credits its composer as Tolliver, making it an original composition. isento (talk) 01:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * The release year of "Round Midnight" is not notable for the lead
 * "about a year later on" → "about a year after the show on" since the year has not been specified since the first para
 * Target independent label to Independent record label
 * Target CD to Compact disc
 * "from that same period." → "from that same period, titled Mosaic Select."
 * "particularly their innovative" → "They particularly highlighted their innovative" because the sentence is a run-on at the moment
 * "although some questioned" → "although some critics questioned"

Background

 * "was dominated by the twin progressive movements" → "was dominated by the twin movements" since the progressive part is not properly sourced
 * "among hard-bop peers," → "among hard bop peers," for consistency
 * Target musical ideas to Motif (music)
 * "an independent record label, Strata-East Records (in New York City), with" → "the independent record label Strata-East Records (in New York City) with" but where is the NYC part sourced?
 * The New York City Record prefaces his returning to New York before discussing further developments like forming the label. I will keep as is to avoid WP:BLUELINK, and neither is grammatically incorrect. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * You are not supposed to add commas before things like this in the body unlike the lead, plus in this context "the" reads better and the second comma renders useless. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * According to this grammar guide, commas can be used to separate a noun from a non-restrictive phrase describing that noun. I have reworded it to "... found Strata-East Records, a New York-based independent record label, ..." isento (talk) 06:41, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Yeah this version is fine, good job! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


 * "embarked on their first tour of Japan" part is not sourced and the liner notes probably do not mention it as being their first tour in the country; correct me if I'm wrong
 * The liner notes do verify this. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)

Recording and performance

 * Reword the img text to being something of relevance, rather just mentioning it being a pic of Cowell
 * "led the quartet featuring" → "led the quartet, featuring"
 * "A 30-second sample with" → "A 30-second sample of "Effi", with" on the audio sample text
 * You still need to add the song title on the audio sample's text. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


 * Might be me getting confused by re-wording, but does the AllMusic ref really mention everything cited for the first sentence of the second para?
 * Yes. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * "kick[ing] from top to bottom", "full-tilt", and "full-on swinging mode" indicate the album is thoroughly uptempo, with the first two songs in particular. isento (talk) 02:16, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * "and intensely-toned solo" → "and heavily-toned solo" or something similar, to be more encyclopaedic
 * The source uses "intense, parched tone". So the paraphrasing is accurate here. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * That is a review source though, so you should change to make the POV more neutral since "intensely" sounds like it indicates praise. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * I have changed it to "sharp-toned", which has a similar connotation and is used in other scholarly sources on jazz. isento (talk) 06:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Nice one, that is neutral and reads a lot better for sure! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


 * "that led the quartet into" → "that led Music Inc. into"
 * Wikilink should be on block chords instead
 * [9] should not be at the end of the penultimate sentence, as it backs up both of the last two in this para
 * Wikiink time signature
 * The fills part does not appear to be sourced
 * "Runs" is another word for "fills", in the context of jazz. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Thank you for informing me, never knew that before. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


 * "Music Inc. performed" → "Music Inc. performed a cover version of" but it is not directly mentioned as an encore anywhere
 * Jurek suggests this, but I have added the Cook & Morton source, which says "encore", to the citation. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Neat addition! --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)

Release and reception

 * Can you find a mention of any release date for the LP in Japan even if vague?
 * No. Not among reliable sources. There is a primary source in the LP packaging images at Discogs, but it does not even have a copyright year. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Attribute the Billboard review to Anon
 * "Anon." is a shorthand for "anonymous". It is not the reviewer's in-source title. isento (talk)
 * Mention the staff as reviewing the album then, as it is awkward to write that a publication itself was the reviewer. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * That would be no less incorrect, as staff means all the employees. The current phrasing also appears in high-quality music sources ([, ). Other variations appear as well . [[User:Isento|isento]] (talk) 06:51, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * These are not on an encyclopaedia, though; I have added "a writer" here because we do not know their real identity. --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


 * "The magazine praised the trumpeter's" → "Anon praised the trumpeter's"
 * Target Down Beat to DownBeat
 * "finding it "good" yet" → "finding it "good", yet"
 * "(and Cowell too) ..." → "(and Cowell too) [...]" since that is how you correctly use ellipsis to indicate a period taken out of the quote
 * Target The Penguin Guide to Jazz on CD to The Penguin Guide to Jazz
 * Target CD to Compact disc
 * "as a player" as his performance" → "as a player", as his performance"
 * "was singled out for" → "was singled out by them for"
 * I used "by the guide", as the entry's individual author is unknown or unclear. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Img looks good!
 * "reviewed the Mosaic box set" → "reviewed the box set"
 * Target Cafe Bohemia to Café Bohemia
 * Target Five Spot to Five Spot Café
 * "from the Village Vanguard."" → "from the Village Vanguard"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "of the quartet's performances" → "of Music Inc.'s performances"
 * ""'Round Midnight". But he ultimately found" → ""'Round Midnight", but ultimately found" because the former sentence is too short and it is also awkward to start a sentence with the word "but"
 * Writing guides such as this one approve of starting sentences with the word "but". And in this case, this separates the critic's positive idea in one sentence and a negative in the other, while avoiding a run-on. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)

Track listing

 * Shouldn't the top line specify that they are all written by him except where noted?
 * This is indicated by the phrase composition, which means a written piece of music. Adding "written by" would be slightly redundant. Book sources on compositions use the same phrasing. isento (talk) 02:05, 19 February 2021 (UTC)

Personnel

 * Good

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed, but interesting to see you nominate a live album for once! --K. Peake 19:36, 18 February 2021 (UTC)


 * Thank you. I have made the requisite changes and responded above otherwise. isento (talk) 02:14, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Nice to see you having replied so quickly; there are still a few more things that need fixing and I pointed them out above. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Very good responses the second time round too, always a pleasure to see this. ✅ now and this review has seen your best response yet, truth be told! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)