Talk:Locomotive (book)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Mz7 (talk · contribs) 18:30, 24 August 2019 (UTC)

One of the most memorable books from my childhood, Poppy, was also illustrated by Brian Floca. For that reason, I am looking forward to reviewing this article! Mz7 (talk) 18:30, 24 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Remarkably, according to the SLJ interview, Locomotive is dedicated to Avi, the author of Poppy! Mz7 (talk) 18:51, 24 August 2019 (UTC)
 * That's pretty cool. Barkeep49 (talk) 19:33, 24 August 2019 (UTC)


 * Quick fix: all section headings should be switched to sentence case per MOS:SECTIONS, so Background and Publication and Writing and Illustrations should be changed to Background and publication and Writing and illustrations, respectively. Mz7 (talk) 18:36, 24 August 2019 (UTC)

Some notes
A few of these notes are stylistic nitpicks that you may feel free to disregard if you disagree with them—I'm pretty flexible.


 * Lead
 * "… the book uses the concept of following a family …"
 * This could be made more concise: "… the book follows a family …"


 * "In the book the workers, passengers, landscape, and effects of building and operating the first transcontinental railroad are all detailed."
 * This could be rewritten in the active voice: "The book details the workers, passengers, landscape, and effects of building and operating the first transcontinental railroad."
 * Or alternatively, "In the book, Floca details ..."


 * Perhaps include a link to the article about the First Transcontinental Railroad in the lead.


 * Background and publication
 * "Floca's biggest challenge was having to rethink the who the point-of-view characters would be from the train's crew to a family" - this sentence is a little unclear and may need to be rewritten/elaborated upon (I also think there's an extra "the" in there).
 * I would perhaps separate into two sentences and explain further why this was challenging to Floca: "Floca's biggest challenge was having to rethink who the focal characters would be. Originally, the story focused on a single train's crew as it made its way across the transcontinental railroad, but Floca had to change the focus to a family after learning that a single crew would not typically travel the entire length of the transcontinental railroad."
 * Removed the extra the and added a few more words to make more clear what the issue was but kept it as one sentence. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * Date formatting: I would change The book was published September 3, 2013 by … to The book was published on September 3, 2013, by …


 * Synopsis
 * In the first sentence, there is no need for Locomotive to be in bold face.
 * Indeed there's not. ✅ Barkeep49 (talk)


 * Writing and illustrations
 * "Floca described the book first as a picture book but one where he wand to," — I think you meant "wanted to" here. The comma is also unnecessary since the quote flows naturally as part of the sentence.


 * "They noted his use of techniques …" — the word "noted" in this context is probably fine, but I do want to make you aware that it is listed at WP:SAID as a "word to watch". I've seen the word used all throughout Wikipedia though, so this likely isn't a big deal.
 * Yeah I'll defend its limited use but I sure did have a lot of them and so I've changed most of them. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * "The book's oversized Floca's design of the book also enhanced the reading experience" — this sentence may need to be rewritten—perhaps remove the phrase "the book's oversized"
 * Oversized is important there - the book is noticeably bigger than your average picture book. Changed the start of the sentence. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * Reception
 * "The critical reception for Locomotive was notably positive, however, some critics expressed concern over the large age range it was intended to be read by or to."
 * The first comma before "however" should be replaced with a semicolon to avoid a run-on sentence.
 * I'm thinking "the large age range it was intended to be read by or to" could be made more concise: perhaps to "its target audience's wide age range"
 * Most pictures books tend to be read aloud rather than read independently. The fact that this one was attempting to appeal to both kinds of readers was a notable theme in the reviews so I'd prefer the length to concision here. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * I actually wasn't familiar with what a "starred review" was until I looked it up after reading this article. Perhaps include a link to your article starred review?
 * That article's genesis was GA reviewers not knowing the term so yes I agree it should be linked. ✅ Barkeep49 (talk)


 * References
 * The Kirkus Reviews URL that you listed seems to be closed-access. I think I found an open-access version on Kirkus's website here: https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/brian-floca/locomotive-floca/ Could you confirm that this is the same source? If it is, then I think it'd be helpful to include in the citation.
 * Good find. ✅ Barkeep49 (talk)

I'll give the article another read-through tomorrow to see if I catch anything else! Mz7 (talk) 08:46, 25 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your time so far . See my responses above. Best, Barkeep49 (talk) 16:00, 25 August 2019 (UTC)

Pass
That's it, I think. I couldn't find anything else that would prevent this from being a GA. As expected, this was a fascinating article to read—inducing some nostalgia for my childhood days on this last August weekend. Great work, Barkeep49! Thank you for responding my notes lightning-fast. It was a pleasure to work with you, as always. Now I need to find Locomotive in a library and read it for myself. Mz7 (talk) 20:54, 25 August 2019 (UTC)