Talk:Lonzo Ball/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Kncny11 (talk · contribs) 22:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)

Hey there! I'm going to be reviewing this GAN. Please expect comments by the end of the week. Any section with a tag means I haven't finished combing through it yet.  Kncny11  (shoot) 22:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lede

 * You don't need the citations in the lede if they're mentioned in the body (high school record, Pelicans trade)

Early life

 * "Ball was born in the Los Angeles metropolitan area in Anaheim, California" "Ball was born in Anaheim, California, part of the Los Angeles metropolitan area,"
 * How many seasons was LaVar at Washington State before transferring?
 * Give time ranges for both parents' athletic careers
 * LaVar also appeared on practice squads for the Jets and Panthers
 * WLs to LaMelo Ball and LiAngelo Ball
 * WL to Chino Hills High School
 * Andre is not mentioned in the attached reference
 * Comma after "national honors"

College career

 * List the major scouting services
 * ESPN link (reference 17) is dead
 * Clarify which outlets put him at #4 and #1, respectively, because USA Today put him at #7
 * WL the first instance of point guard in the body
 * Split last two sentences of the first paragraph
 * Mention what date he had the "blowout win" against UW
 * "flirted with a triple-double" "came close to a triple-double"
 * Clarify that he did not leave the game upon straining his hamstring
 * "to make at least 70 percent from the 2-point range and 40 percent from the 3-point range"
 * Was he the only freshman that year to be a finalist for all those awards, or the only freshman ever?
 * Last paragraph could be cleaned up -- last two sentences start with "He was also" and "He also", respectively

Los Angeles Lakers

 * "It was the third straight year they had the No. 2 pick" needs a citation
 * You say that his shooting had improved, but the numbers listed are lower than those post-injury
 * Sentence about increasing his upper body strength needs a citation
 * The statement about setting a goal to play all 82 games is not mentioned in the citation attached to it
 * Use LeBron's full name, if only because "James" is such a common surname
 * Remove the apostrophe after "Lakers teammates"
 * WL Houston Rockets here and not in the Pelicans section
 * "best basketball of his career" is a fairly subjective statement - does the Athletic ref give concrete numbers to back that up?
 * Give the full name of the Minnesota Timberwolves
 * Delink Ohio
 * That second-to-last sentence is a doozy that can probably be broken up or restructured

New Orleans Pelicans

 * "two first-round draft picks,"
 * "in exchange for All-Star Anthony Davis"
 * "Ball made his debut for/with the Pelicans"
 * Paragraph reads very same-y. Try varying sentence structure
 * Stats at the time of the regular season shutdown in March 2020
 * If off-season information exists for between 2020 and 21, I would include it. As it stands, the jump between paragraphs seems sudden
 * Delink Milwaukee Bucks, already linked in LAL section

Career statistics

 * Looks good to me

Player profile

 * The paragraph starts by saying he "used to have," but uses the present tense in the next two sentences
 * "a 45-degree angle, at which point he"
 * Does the "off-season of the 2019–20 NBA season" refer to the 2019 off-season or the 2020 one?
 * I would elaborate on this section more. It's hard to discern, as someone who watches less basketball than baseball and hockey, what is so strange about his old jump shot.
 * "Ball began shooting in games from 40 feet (12 m) deep when he was a pre-teen"

Awards and honors

 * Generally looks good. Make sure any honors here are also in the body.

Endorsements

 * Delink LaVar, already linked in the body
 * Mention some of the specific criticism towards the $495 price tag
 * Specify who Alan Foster is in the first paragraph
 * Specify that the logo for the JBA is an outline of Ball (as opposed to, say, a photograph)
 * WL ESPN.com
 * Citations are needed after every direct quote, such as "[using] his access to my business and personal finances to enrich himself"
 * "Ball and his family have also mentioned"

Music career

 * " Not long after During the same month,"
 * "ZO2" needs a source both for its existence and its status as the lead single for his debut album
 * Lip Sync Battle needs a reference
 * The Masked Singer needs a reference
 * Existence of his second album needs a reference, and should be mentioned in the body
 * Discography should be reformatted by WP:DISCOGSTYLE standards (MOS:DISCOGRAPHY generally covers artists whose discographies are large enough to have their own separate article, such as Dance Gavin Dance

Personal life

 * WL stroke
 * Give the name of Lonzo's daughter
 * Fadeaway World is not a reliable source. The information attached to the citation is already adequately covered by the other three sources.
 * Please expand on his relationship with Garcia, and rather than having 3+ citations at the end of the paragraph, link them per sentence or clause accordingly.
 * Information about his enjoyment of the rap scene should probably go under music career
 * Similar to above, there are three citations at the end of multiple sentences of information. Said references can probably be spread out.
 * Sentence about his reality show needs a citation

Other

 * Article looks sufficiently stable (no reverts since 2/19)
 * Photos look good

Final comments and verdict

 * Article sufficiently covers Ball's career so far, is stable, and has a good collection of images. However, there are some issues with the prose that require cleanup, and some major concerns with citations. I'm putting the article on hold until the issues listed above are resolved. Feel free to ping me if you have any questions or concerns.  Kncny11  (shoot) 00:38, 4 March 2021 (UTC)

Will work on these and let you know once I have fixed them, thanks. Hoping others will help clean it up too if ever. Thanks again for the feedback. Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 04:06, 4 March 2021 (UTC)

College career: "List the major scouting services": Since the article says it was a consensus ranking, I don't think it's necessary to enumerate the specific multiple agencies.—Bagumba (talk) 06:55, 4 March 2021 (UTC)

Los Angeles Lakers: Sentence about increasing his upper body strength needs a citation and The statement about setting a goal to play all 82 games is not mentioned in the citation attached to it: Fixed.—Bagumba (talk) 07:35, 4 March 2021 (UTC)

Hey guys, just checking in — usually 7 days is customary to address issues that come up during a GAR, and I haven't seen any edits to the page since 3/4. I'm willing to be flexible if something has come up, or if you're still chipping away. Just let me know.  Kncny11  (shoot) 16:54, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I'm only casually following this review and making isolated fixes. Regards.—Bagumba (talk) 17:27, 10 March 2021 (UTC)

Making some small fixes here and there, just a bit slow since I am caught up with other things. Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 03:24, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

Just finished fixing the lede, early life, and college career sections. Will finish the rest by the end of the week. Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 06:24, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

I have finished all the needed edits above, just fixing the references now. Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 14:37, 14 March 2021 (UTC)

Requesting help in checking the content I have finished all the article content issues, just pending the references. I would like some help in fixing some of the erring references as I may have missed some of the references requiring access dates, and I am lacking the edits for changing the url parameters for articles that need subscriptions. Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 14:47, 14 March 2021 (UTC)

Status query
Kncny11, Nintendoswitchfan, where does this review stand? It's been over seven weeks since anything has been posted here or to the article. What is left to do? BlueMoonset (talk) 19:05, 8 May 2021 (UTC)

talk, I just need to fix the above reference notes and we're good. I fixed everything else already. Have not been able to fix them yet because they are a lot and I have been caught up with other things. Would appreciate a little help here if possible. Thanks.

REFERENCES Earwig copyvio score turns up two sources with a high % match. The 86.2% one looks kind of sketchy, and the % will go down with other tweaks. The 62.9% one only seems to be flagged because both have a list of his achievements. All online references require access dates All publications mentioned in the references should have a WL to the appropriate page, if one exists Many references are incomplete, such as this one, where the inline citation only has the title and publication date, not the article author or the publication Reference 13 (McDonald's USA press release) needs to be fixed per MOS:CAPS Fix reference 41 per MOS:CAPS All references should be archived if possible using the tool All Los Angeles Times articles need to be marked with |url-access=subscription The Washington Post article needs to be marked with |url-access=subscription The New York Times citation requires |url-access=limited

Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 05:19, 9 May 2021 (UTC)

BlueMoonset, Kncny11 I just made the necessary final changes. Thank you. Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 06:48, 13 June 2021 (UTC)
 * Thank you for making those changes. Passing now.  Kncny11  (shoot) 21:11, 1 July 2021 (UTC)

Kncy11 Thank you very much. Will look forward to transforming other articles into good articles. Nintendoswitchfan (talk) 07:11, 2 July 2021 (UTC)