Talk:Looping State of Mind/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:17, 18 March 2023 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

(Criteria marked are unassessed)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):
 * b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a. (reference section):
 * b. (citations to reliable sources):
 * c. (OR):
 * d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a. (major aspects):
 * b. (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a. (major aspects):
 * b. (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/fail:
 * Pass/fail:

I will get on with this right away! --K. Peake 09:17, 18 March 2023 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Dumbo Studios → Dumbo in the infobox per the usage of the word studios
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Replace hlist with bullet points
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * WP:OVERLINK of the Field under producer
 * ✅: Removed link Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Mention the release date in the opening sentence
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "Production of the album stemmed from" → "The production stemmed from"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "The songs in Looping State of Mind were" → "The songs in the album were"
 * Won't this get confused with the previously mentioned album Yesterday and Today? Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "Looping State of Mind is a techno album" → "It is an ambient and minimal techno album" to be specific
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Change the SoundCloud sentence to only mentioning it was released on same day as Looping State of Mind rather than reinstating the release date
 * ✅ with the clarification that it is the digital release. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "The album was released physically" → "It was released physically"
 * I did something a little different in light of the previous suggestion. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "Looping State of Mind received critical acclaim for its" → "The album received acclaim from music critics for the"
 * ✅ for the title variation. for the replacing of "critical acclaim", which I find much more concise and natural than "acclaim from music critics". Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "based on the album" → "based on it"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Background and production

 * "with bassist Dan Enqvist" → "with bassist Dan Enquvist"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "in a studio;" → "in an official studio;" to be specific
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "in Dumbo Studios, located in Cologne," → "in Dumbo Studios, Cologne,"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Mention when the four days were to source a release date
 * "before taking the demos to" → "before taking them to"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Wikilink double bass
 * Why? The double bass isn't any more relevant to the album than any of the other listed instruments. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "a vibraphone, and a few synthesizers" → "a vibraphone and a few synthesizers" with the wikilink
 * ✅ for the wikilink, since in this case, the synthesizer isn't a commonly known instrument outside of electronic music as far as I'm aware, and examples of it, in particular, are given in the article. for the removal of the serial comma. The manual of style does allow for serial commas as per MOS:SERIAL. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "at Dumbo Studios, and Willner composed" → "at Dumbo Studios and Willner composed"
 * They're separate clauses, so a comma is necessary. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "after the sessions concluded." → "after the conclusion."
 * This makes the sentence ambiguous. It raises the question "conclusion to what?" Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Composition

 * "Similar to the rest of" → "Similarly to the rest of" on the audio sample text
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Mention the name of the NME reviewer
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Pipe shoegazing to Shoegaze
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "and minimal techno."" → "and minimal techno"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * ✅: MOS:LQ would've been a better rule to cite. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "complex development, and" → "complex development and"
 * "basslines, drums, and" → "basslines, drums and"
 * for both of the above suggestions. MOS:SERIAL commas are allowed in Wikipedia. I don't understand why you want me to remove them. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "combines a deep baseline" → "combines a deep bassline"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Where are the ambient melodies sourced for "Is This Power"?
 * Uhh...it appears the sources don't verify that "Is This Power" has ambient melodies. I've replaced it with an instrument that is verified. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Pipe R&B to Contemporary R&B
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "is built off of" → "is built off of a"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "its emotional tone."" → "its emotional tone"."
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "that is slowly developed" → "that is gradually developed"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "described by Line of Best Fit as" → "described by Josh Hall of The Line of Best Fit as" with the wikilink
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * ""strangely-emotive" closer, "Sweet Slow Baby", features stuttering" → ""strangely emotive" closer, "Sweet Slow Baby", features clunking" per the source
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Release

 * Retitle to Release and promotion
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Move the promotional tour to being the sentence after the physical release
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Make the digital download sentence the last one of the first para
 * Did you mean paragraph? And if you did, wouldn't that disconnect it from the "Then It's White" sentence? Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "The track "Then It's White" was released the same day on" → "The same day as the album's release, "Then It's White" was shared on"
 * I find this unnecessary and redundant. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "of "It's Up There", and a" → "of "It's Up There" and a"
 * Considering this is the fourth time you asked me to remove a serial comma, I hope you have a very good reason to want me to remove them. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Reception

 * Add the first sentence as "Looping State of Mind was met with..." mentioning the level of praise it got from music critics
 * "According to the review aggregator website Metacritic," → "At Metacritic, which assigns a normalized rating out of 100 to reviews from mainstream publications, the album received an average score of..." adding the score from the sidebar and this as the second sentence
 * I have rewritten the opening sentence to address the above two requests while keeping it concise. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Cut down the Metacritic quote
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "more subtly lateral thinkers."" → "more subtly lateral thinkers"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Italicise Looping State of Mind and cut down the Consequence quote
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Put some of PopMatters into your own words per WP:QUOTEFARM
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "Alex Young opined," → "Alex Young opined that"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "confident and purposeful."" → "confident and purposeful"."
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "after Yesterday and Today, and that the" → "after Yesterday and Today and the"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "the top of his game."" → "the top of his game"."
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Accolades

 * Mention some of the higher rankings on the year-end lists at the start of this sub-section in prose
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Remove pipe on Beats Per Minute
 * Doing so will make it link to tempo, which is not the intended article. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * "as among the best electronic albums." → "as the 26th best electronic album of the past 30 years up to 2022." per the source
 * ✅ in regards to setting the date for the list. for adding the specific rank. The list is not ranked in order of quality; it is ranked in order of release date. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Year-end lists → Year-end lists for Looping State of Mind
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Refs should be centered
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Track listing

 * Where is this sourced to?
 * ✅: I've added a source Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Personnel

 * Shouldn't Axel Willner be credited as The Field per the source?
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Pipe production to Record producer
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Pipe sound engineering to Audio engineer
 * ✅ kinda: The source says, "Polished and engineered exquisitely by Dumbo’s studio technician, Jan Philipp Janzen." It doesn't specify either sound or audio engineering, so rather than piping it, I'm just going to change it the first word from "sound" to "audio". Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Change mixing to mastering per the source
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Center the chart positions
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed; this shouldn't take too long, nice job! --K. Peake 11:41, 18 March 2023 (UTC)
 * I have addressed all your requests and done most of them. Two recurring types of requests I have ignored include requests to move a website into the publisher parameter, which I thought I convinced you to stop requesting when you reviewed the article for MCMXC a.D., and requests to remove the serial comma. A footnote contained in MOS:WEBITALICS reads: "When used by Wikipedia in a reference citation, any website or other online publication is being cited as a published work, by definition; Wikipedia does not cite companies, individuals, or other entities, only works published by them. As with sources in any medium, titles of minor works (e.g., online articles) go in quotation marks, and titles of major works (e.g. websites) go in italics, even if they would not be italicized in running text as services, companies, etc." They also explicitly advise against your very request by saying, "Do not abuse incorrect template parameters (e.g. by putting the work title in |publisher= or |via=) in an attempt to avoid italicizing digital sources." I know a few sources prior to the review did abuse the parameters such as the one for AllMusic, which is why I have corrected them while addressing your requests. Furthermore, you have requested four times that I remove the serial comma, even though it does not go against the manual of style. MOS:SERIAL allows for serial commas "so long as [the] article is internally consistent", even advising in favor of them in cases such as "list with multi-word items...or a series of probably unfamiliar terms." In this case, I feel like you're trying to enforce a standard you like onto an article that already uses another standard that is considered fine. Regardless, thank you for reviewing. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)
 * Whoops, forgot to ping you. Lazman321 (talk) 01:26, 21 March 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the response and I was not aware of the serial comma rules, I will bare those in mind for the future. As for the publisher requests, I was not trying to enforce my reference rather than how I had learnt of non-italicised sources being publishers but I understand that is not always the case so this is acceptable. However, you still need to give context of the production being in 2011 before the four days to use the recording year in infobox, remove pipe on Beats Per Minute altogether on the second instance in prose since that is overlinking and add italicisation of the album title in sources not using quote marks for it. --K. Peake 08:46, 21 March 2023 (UTC)
 * I have done your remaining requests. Lazman321 (talk) 19:17, 21 March 2023 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, well done on fixing everything and maintaining civility despite our disagreements! --K. Peake 21:40, 21 March 2023 (UTC)