Talk:Love's Train/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:39, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

This article has been in the queue over a month, making a review more than due! --K. Peake 07:39, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Remove venue parameter from the infobox since that is for live recordings only
 * Remove overly obvious pipe on band per WP:OVERLINK
 * "from their tenth album," → "from their tenth studio album,"
 * The Pilate music track sentence should be the third of the lead instead, as it belongs straight after writing/production
 * "Musically, it is an" → "It is an" and mention notable parts of the instrumentation here because there is an entire production section
 * Wikilink love triangle
 * "but with different lyrics." → "which had different lyrics." or something similar to be less repetitive
 * ""Love's Train" has received" → "the song has received"
 * Pipe music critics to Music journalism
 * The live performances can be written out in the body, as you could create a reception and promotion section
 * Remove American superduo introduction to Silk Sonic because this being solely in the body is sufficient
 * Isn't this important in the lead to introduce who they are? It's like this in every song article. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:20, 2 May 2022 (UTC)
 * They are not the main subject here though, making an introduction not required for the lead. --K. Peake 09:13, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 09:58, 3 May 2022 (UTC)

✅
 * The audience favorite and compilation albums info should come before Silk Sonic in the lead
 * "While Con Funk Shun's original recording was" → "While the song was"
 * "has since become" → "it has since become"
 * Wikilink as compilation albums instead per WP:PIPE, also add a comma after this term per American English

Background and subsequent releases

 * None of this provides actual background info, rather than comp, reception and promotion; add actual background on the song here instead
 * ""Love's Train" is a" → "Musically, "Love's Train" is a" plus this should be in a comp section, which can be merged with the production one and should come directly before lyrics
 * Wikilink bass guitar
 * "keys" and "synth-centric" → "keys", and "synth-centric" also this can be worded as neutrally in comp to demonstrate the instrumentation while the critical parts can be moved to a reception and promotion section
 * Remove the "by critics" part since only one reviewer said that, also any sentence with quotations needs the appropriate ref(s) invoked
 * "was simultaneously dubbed as" → "was dubbed as" and only the smooth part really belongs in comp; the full quote suits reception
 * "and piano rhythms."" → "and piano rhythms"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * ""Love's Train" became an" → ""Love's Train" has become an" plus this belongs in the reception area of reception and promotion
 * The entirety of the last para belongs in the promotion area
 * "is the seventh track" → "was included as the seventh track" but the track number is unsourced
 * Wikilink as compilation albums per WP:PIPE
 * Add a comma before the last compilation
 * "has been re-recorded and remastered in" → "was re-recorded and remastered as a single in"
 * ✅ but didn't include "as a single in" as it may confuse readers regarding if it was or not a single, maybe another way to re-word it or cut it altogether. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:33, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Composition
✅
 * This should be the section here, using the comp info that is currently in background and the production section; if this is not enough for two paras, then merge with the lyrics section

Lyrics

 * Wikilink love triangle
 * Remove wikilink on Felton Pilate since he will have already been linked to when comp/production is moved to before lyrics
 * "lovelorn and yearning."" → "lovelorn and yearning"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "showed up in the studio" → "showed up at the studio"
 * The appropriate ref(s) should be invoked at the end of any sentences using quotations
 * Isn't that too much? It is basically the same source over and over again. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:07, 2 May 2022 (UTC)
 * When you have quotations, there is supposed to be a source directly afterwards... I didn't say every sentence from the source. --K. Peake 09:13, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Take a look, I believe I have addressed the issue. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 09:42, 3 May 2022 (UTC)

✅
 * "Cooper thought she had" → "Cooper thought the woman had"
 * "told Pilate "If" → "told Pilate "[i]f" per guidelines on quoting sentences
 * "this", these words would" → "this"; these words would"
 * "gotta call her up."" → "gotta call her up"."
 * "Usually, the band would" → "Usually, Con Funk Shun would" and this info is actually background
 * "submit to the label." → "submit to Mercury Records." with the wikilink
 * "reworked song was" → "reworked version was"
 * "they affirmed already listening" → "they affirmed having already listened"
 * "he was crazy" → "he needed to be crazy"
 * "he was sorry and" → "he was sorry, then" to avoid overusage of "and"

Production
✅
 * "they also contributed" → "Michael Cooper and Felton Pilate contributed" with the wikilink, as the beginning of this sentence because it will come before lyrics after re-ordering
 * Wikilink rhythm guitar
 * "Pilate II played the trombone" → "Pilate played the trombone" with the wikilink
 * Wikilink synthesizer
 * Wikilink flute
 * "flugelhorn, and was responsible" → "flugelhorn, and was also responsible" with the wikilink
 * "while Danny Thomas played" → "while Thomas played"
 * Wikilink clarinet
 * Pipe organ to Organ (music)
 * Should the term finally really be used?
 * Pipe mastering to Mastering (audio)

Reception and promotion
✅
 * This section should come here, using one para each for the respective parts and mentioning names for reviewers

Personnel

 * Retitle to Credits and personnel
 * I won't retitle it per personnel. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:06, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Silk Sonic version
✅
 * Infobox looks good!
 * "as the fourth single and" → "as the fourth single from their debut album An Evening With Silk Sonic (2022) and" with the wikilink because otherwise it is unclear what you mean by fourth single
 * "to the debut album" → "to the album"
 * "and it will also be" → "and is also set to be"
 * Pipe vinyl to Phonograph record
 * "The song features" → "A soul and funk song, it features" since the genres can be moved here per the overly short size
 * Pipe music critics to Music journalism
 * You could make the reception sub-section a reception and promotion one, then the performance can be written out there with the release info
 * Despite my above comment, I do appreciate you using a lead specifically for this version here but it is still in the body so do not add wikilinks again in the sub-sections

Background

 * Wikilink Instagram
 * "that is one of" → "that it is one of"
 * Wikilink Twitter
 * "It was released on" → ""Love's Train" was released on" moving this to being the first sentence of the promotion part of reception and promo
 * What promotion part? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:09, 2 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Reception and promotion sub-section; this should be clear how did you miss that?? --K. Peake 09:13, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * I was making changes randomly, so I didn't get this until a later point and forgot it. I made the changes, but this paragraph is huge compared to the others. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:31, 3 May 2022 (UTC)

✅
 * "On March 18, 2022," → "On March 18," to avoid overusage of the year
 * Pipe Billboard to Billboard (magazine)

Composition and production
✅
 * Audio sample looks good!
 * ""Love's Train" cover" → "Musically, the "Love's Train" cover"
 * The NME ref should also be after the above sentence since it mentions the song having a 1970s style
 * "It was composed in" → "It is composed in"
 * Wikilink tempo
 * Wikilink vocal ranges
 * "the pace of the original."" → "the pace of the original"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "analogue production" as the Silk Sonic version" → "analogue production", as the Silk Sonic version"
 * "Andy Bustard writing for HipHopDX" → "Andy Bustard, writing for HipHopDX," and remove the similar comment part because this is a new para
 * "the duo "by swapping" → "the duo go back far in time "by swapping" per the source
 * "in the previous decade."" → "in the previous decade"."
 * "added, ".Paak and Mars apply a" → "added that they "apply a"
 * "to the love ballad."" → "to the love ballad"."
 * Pipe mixed to Audio mixing (recorded music)
 * "by Bryce Bordon and mastered by" → "by Bryce Bordon, while mastered by"

Reception
✅
 * Retitle to Reception and promotion, adding a para at the end with the info moved from background and the live performance
 * "Eddie Fu writing for Consequence dubbed" → ""Eddie Fu, writing for Consequence, dubbed""
 * ""soundtrack for...adult" → ""soundtrack for...ahem adult" per the source
 * "self-assured vocal performances."" → "self-assured vocal performances"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "Andy Bustar from HipHopDX affirmed that" → "Bustar affirmed that" per him already having been introduced
 * "commented that "the aesthetic" → "commented that while "the aesthetic"
 * "Uproxx's Aaron Williams called Silk Sonic's" → "Williams called Silk Sonic's"
 * "and despite being a love song," → "and noted that despite being a love song," with the wikilink
 * "however it entered the" → "though entered the"

Personnel

 * Retitle to Credits and personnel
 * I won't retitle it per personnel. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:05, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Charts

 * Good

Release history
✅
 * Label → Label(s)

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed! --K. Peake 09:40, 2 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Hi! Thank you so much for the review. I almost addressed everything, but I left some questions here and there if you would be so kindly to answer them. Cheers, MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:07, 2 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the quick response, I have addressed any areas of disagreement! --K. Peake 09:13, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * I believe I have fixed all the issues. However, I believe the sub-section of "Reception and promotion" on the Silk Sonic version is "huge" when compared to other sections. Cheers. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:33, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * The merger works and you have fixed most of the issues, though I did some copy editing and the comp quotations still read like they lack neutrality; are you sure this isn't a problem? --K. Peake 10:40, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * You mean the composition section on the Silk Sonic version? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:46, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * No, I am referring to that section for the original. --K. Peake 11:37, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * I can change the vocals description to the reception if you want. I believe that was what you were talking about MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:21, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Yes that is true, as this part does not appear neutral. --K. Peake 12:46, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * I believe it is fixed, made some other changes. Please take a look. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:03, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, this looks a lot better! --K. Peake 20:04, 4 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you for the time, patience and dedication. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:01, 4 May 2022 (UTC)