Talk:Luang Pu Sodh Candasaro/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Display name 99 (talk · contribs) 16:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)

I am beginning this review now. Just so you know, I know very little about Buddhism. That is a bit of a disadvantage in the sense that it's harder for me to notice anything that might be inaccurate. However, it also helps me to notice things in the article which are not clearly explained better than an expert on Buddhism might be able to.

Early life

* No periods in image captions are required unless they follow complete sentences. Fixed.

* The article says "from an early age" in back to back sentences. That's a bit superfluous. Removed.

* "When his uncle moved to Wat Hua Bho, his uncle took him with him to teach." This sounds like his uncle took Sodh with him so that Sodh could teach. That doesn't seem right. Also, you shouldn't say "his uncle" twice in the same sentence.
 * Fixed.

* "he desired to ordain as a monk."-Be ordained?
 * That is a very knowledgeable comment for someone claiming to know little about religious matters! Fixed.
 * I'm a practicing Catholic. We use the same terminology to describe someone becoming a deacon, priest, or bishop. I just don't know much about Buddhism. Display name 99 (talk) 18:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)


 * How exactly did he save money for the family to live without him?
 * I have rewritten this. Please check this.--Farang Rak Tham (talk) 17:58, 3 June 2017 (UTC)
 * I still don't think this answers the question. I know that he saved money so that his family could survive after he became a monk. Did he save money from his business by spending less than usual or by some other means?
 * I have to check this with the sources.
 * The secondary sources do not mention this, but the biography from Wat Phra Dhammakaya says he "set to work with a fervour". It also states how he calculated the rise of inflation. He did this in a period of four years. I have cited the biography with inline attribution.
 * , I have responded above to the points you have made. I typically strike any comments that I originally posted in order to help keep track of what has been fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 18:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)
 * Okay. I have also added indents.


 * There isn't a great sense of time passage in the first paragraph. I recommend adding some more years.
 * I have added his age a few more times. The years are not often given in the sources.


 * What does "Pāli" mean?
 * Pali language. I have added the word language. Is this sufficient?
 * It looks fine. Display name 99 (talk) 23:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)


 * What are alms rounds? You have to explain these things.
 * has helped to add detail. I have added a wikilink to an article with a section on the Buddhist practice.


 * "third rainy season"-Not likely to give somebody a sense of how long that is unless one is familiar with the weather in Thailand.
 * Should be clarified now.


 * "the renowned masters of the time"-Like who? Also I'm not sure that this conforms to NPOV.
 * Rephrased.


 * "his first breakrough"-Needs more detail.
 * Rephrased for neutrality. Will look for more detail in Newell's PhD thesis.
 * Added more detail and rephrased.
 * "he perceived an inner sphere of light"-What is the significance of that? Display name 99 (talk) 23:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)

The attainment of the Dhammakaya
 * When mentioning someone for the first time in an article, in this case Newell, use the person's full name.
 * Done.


 * "eleventh year of his ordination"-Which was?
 * Fixed.


 * "a full moon day in 1916"-What was the date?
 * I don't think this has been passed down. But i will check.
 * The exact date has not been mentioned in any sources, as people still kept track of time through the lunar calendar in early modern Thailand. I could track the date down through historical calendars, but this might take quite a while, and it is perhaps better to describe the historical dates as they were understood and categorized by the people of those days. Similarly, I noticed the text says October, but this should actually be the tenth month. I have fixed this now.
 * That should be good. Display name 99 (talk) 23:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)


 * There's not a lot on what "attainment of the Dhammakaya" actually means.
 * This is quite a subject on its own, with a lot of detail that is difficult to summarize. I have added a see also item to the section. Will this suffice?
 * Yes. Display name 99 (talk) 23:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)


 * I suggest breaking this up into two smaller paragraphs.
 * Done.


 * "The event of the attainment of the Dhammakaya is usually described by the Dhammakaya movement in miraculous and cosmic terms."-Way too vague.
 * Added detail.

Life as an abbot
 * Where exactly did he teach? Could some of these place names have links?
 * Added detail and wikilinks.


 * The article refers to its subject interchangeable as "Luang Pu Sodh" or "Luang Pu Sodh." You need to be consistent. Pick one.
 * Not sure what you mean. When he was still a child, I have referred to him as "Sodh", after his ordination I have referred to him as "Phra Candasaro", and after he became abbot I have referred to him as "Luang Pu Sodh". I admit that this can be confusing, but in the context of Thai culture and history, a person of ten changes names often throughout his life, and positions are often part of a person's name. See also Wikipedia_talk:WikiProject_Buddhism/Archive_1
 * Alright then. Display name 99 (talk) 03:28, 5 June 2017 (UTC)


 * "The last three royal titles were given late, due to the fact that the temple was not under royal patronage."-Huh? Why was the date that they were given considered late? How does royal patronage work? Why would he be prevented from receiving the titles if the temple wasn't under it?
 * I have added some more explanation. The sources i have used take this as a fact and do not expand on it.

Teaching meditation
 * Once again, this paragraph should be broken up.
 * Done.


 * What's the difference between "teaching meditation" and "teaching Buddhism?"
 * Rephrased.


 * "the claims which he made about Dhammakaya"-Like what?
 * Rephrased.


 * There seems to be some sort of supernatural power that the Dhammakaya Buddhist associated with their meditation. Could you go into a bit more detail about how they thought that worked?
 * I have added some examples.
 * Interesting... Display name 99 (talk) 03:28, 5 June 2017 (UTC)

References
 * There are Harvard errors all over the place. If you use Harvard references in the article body, you have make sure that the main sources being cited below are also cited using the Harvard format. This can be done by adding ref=harv to the citations. Display name 99 (talk) 16:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)
 * Fixed.


 * , thank you very much for all your advice! I will work on it. This might be gradual over a few days.--Farang Rak Tham (talk) 17:15, 3 June 2017 (UTC)
 * Yes, that's normal. 7 days is the standard length of a GA review, although the reviewer is free to give the nominator additional time. Display name 99 (talk) 17:16, 3 June 2017 (UTC)


 * , I have checked off the remaining points. There is still one thing at the end of "Early life" that needs to be worked on. After that, I see no reason why this can't be promoted. Display name 99 (talk) 03:28, 5 June 2017 (UTC)


 * Hello, I noticed you changed the statement on cosmic terms from "such as" to "often including" heavy rains. I am a bit confused about this change, it seems to change the meaning. "Such as" implies the heavy rains is an example, which i feel was the sentences intent. "Often including" seems to imply this was the only cosmic or miraculous thing about attaining Dhammakaya, which I dont think was the sentences intent. Can you explain the change please? Wikiman5676 (talk) 03:43, 5 June 2017 (UTC)
 * I thought that it sounded clearer, and did not intend to change the meaning. It seems as though I did, accidentally, and have self-reverted. I apologize for the confusion. Thank you for telling me about this. Display name 99 (talk) 04:15, 5 June 2017 (UTC)
 * and, I have made an additional number of edits, and have fixed the remaining issue by adding a note from Harvey. Please let me know what you guys think.--Farang Rak Tham (talk) 20:18, 5 June 2017 (UTC)


 * It looks fine to me. I've promoted the article. Display name 99 (talk) 22:47, 5 June 2017 (UTC)
 * Thank you, ! Thank you for all your efforts to help.--Farang Rak Tham (talk) 15:10, 6 June 2017 (UTC)