Talk:Machine Head (album)/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:49, 16 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments
 * "at Montreux, Switzerland and" comma after Switz.
 * Done


 * Is there a link for "gigging"?
 * There is, gig (music), but I'm wondering if this is a MOS:OVERLINK case
 * I don't think so. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 14:21, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Okay, I'll bung it in Ritchie333 (talk) (cont)  15:36, 22 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "wanted a dedicated amount of time" -> "wanted dedicated time" or "wanted to dedicate time"
 * I like the second, so gone with that


 * "block booked" hyphenate.
 * Done


 * "the Grand Hotel, closed" link?
 * Done


 * "a live room " what's that?
 * It's where a band sets up in a recording studio, to record a live performance, usually backing tracks before overdubbing. Linked to Recording studio which describes it


 * "didn't" avoid contractions.
 * Done, and copyedited


 * "to try and record" try to
 * As above


 * "because it sounded better" presumably because he thought it sounded better?  There's no absolute here.
 * Yes, to be precise he wanted to record the drums here, he wasn't ordered by the producer to do so. Copyedited to explain this.


 * "The Casino was a large " small c here.  Only cap when it's the formal name.
 * In this instance, I'm using Casino as shorthand for "Casino Montreux", however it's not consistent in the article, so changed


 * "the Mothers of Invention" the appears to be part of the band name (but don't forget to keep it uncapitalised!)
 * Done


 * "Thick black smoke drifted away, which rested on the shore of Lake Geneva" this is whimsical here without the immediate connection to Smoke on the Water, suggest it's mentioned at that point.
 * It looks like I meant to merge this, then forgot to remove this original


 * "title "Smoke on the Water".."" overlinked.
 * Fixed


 * "Ian Gillan, discussing" overlinked.
 * I think this is okay, because it's in a quote box and hence in a separate context, but if you can cite a passage of the MOS that says otherwise, I can change it.


 * ""Ritchie Blackmore[16]" overlinked.
 * As above


 * "residents flooded the" tone.
 * Done, also copyedited and trimmed down a bit


 * What's a "recording van"?
 * In the specific case of the Rolling Stones Mobile Studio, it's where the control room (mixing desk, tape equipment, onboard effects etc) was


 * "Highway Star" was written..." could you say "The opening track" or similar?
 * Do you mean append that to the start of the paragraph? If so, done.


 * "journalists, who could" don't think a comma needed.
 * Always happy to remove commas ... done


 * "Bach's progressions" what are those?
 * I've removed "progressions". Specifically, I think the source is comparing "Highway Star"'s guitar solo (two rounds of arpeggios around Gm, Cm, F, D7, then two rounds of triplets on the relative scales) to The Well-Tempered Clavier, but that's kind of original research. Gerda is our resident Bach expert, but I don't think she's too au fait with Deep Purple.


 * "Claude Nobs managed the..." needs a full stop.
 * Aha, WP:CAPFRAG. Done Ritchie333 (talk) (cont)  13:56, 22 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony" I'd rather see the symphony linked that Beethoven, but both if you insist on the latter.
 * Linked


 * "didn't think" avoid contractions.
 * This is direct quotation, can we do that?
 * Not here: "... of rock music in general, the band didn't think the song ..." The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 14:21, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Got it. Tweaked. Ritchie333 (talk) (cont)  15:36, 22 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "with Black Sabbath in " overlinked.
 * Done


 * "but using a " but with a
 * Done, sounds better


 * "sat around" tone.
 * Tweaked


 * theme is repetitive.
 * Taken out "this theme", the sentence still makes sense.


 * ""To support it," promote it?
 * Done


 * "began touring in January 1972" where?
 * I've removed this. As far as I can tell (looking at tour dates), the January '72 gigs (in the UK, Germany and the US) were rescheduled dates from 1971 and although fans suggest Machine Head tracks were first played then, it's not important to the layman reader

Fixed
 * ""Space Truckin'") were" overlinked.
 * "that the group stood in front of." > "in front of which the group stood."
 * Done, though I'm slightly confused as to what makes the latter more readable


 * "hand printed" hyphenate.
 * Done


 * "first single released" overlinked.
 * Done, must have been in there for ages and forgot to take it out


 * "from music critics. Rolling " likewise.
 * Done


 * "their speeding" what does this mean?
 * I guess it means playing quickly. You'll have to ask Robert Christgau, it's his quotation
 * Yeah, just wondered why it's in an encyclopedia if we don't know what it means. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 14:21, 22 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "Blackmore confirmed that the chord ..." you already said something along these lines above.
 * Removed


 * Explain SACD before using the abbreviation.
 * Done


 * "For also celebrating.." reads odd to me.
 * Fixed


 * "Ritchie Blackmore, Ian Gillan, Roger Glover, Jon Lord and Ian Paice." all but Lord overlinked.
 * I think this is consistent with how writing credits in boxes are structured.


 * "technician ,Rolling" presumably should be a new line/bullet.
 * I've fixed the space, but I think the idea is to list individual people and bundle their roles together


 * Perhaps a couple of sentences about the accolades wouldn't go amiss.
 * Do you mean in the lead or in the latter part of the body?
 * In the latter part of the body and in the lead if you think it relevant. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 14:21, 22 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Plenty of spaced hyphens should be spaced en-dashes in the refs.
 * Ran the script


 * ISBN format consistency please.
 * Done


 * You link Mojo but not Q. What's the method?
 * Are you sure about that? Q isn't linked below Mojo because it's already linked earlier in the list


 * Refs 1 and 2 need to be filled out properly.
 * I haven't checked, but I'd bet money on an IP or inexperienced user adding those when I wasn't looking. I've pared it back to "Never Before" and "Smoke on the Water", as those are the important ones


 * Ref 3 needs a space after the comma.
 * I'm not sure what "Ref 3" means (now I've reorganised some refs) but if it's page number formatting, fixed


 * Why isn't ref 8 in the biblio? And 41? And 66?
 * As a general rule of thumb, I only put book refs as sfn if they appear more than once. I can still do this, if you want.


 * Ref 11 needs en-dash.
 * So does ref 17.
 * I ran the script, and hopefully it will work


 * What makes robertchristgau.com a RS?
 * Per WP:SPS : "Self-published expert sources may be considered reliable when produced by an established subject-matter expert, whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable, independent publications"; Robert Christgau is described (with a source) as "among the most revered and influential of music critics"


 * And Wiki.pomus.net?
 * Nothing. Removed.


 * Ref 80 isn't the Guardian. Is it a reliable mirror?
 * Replaced with the Guardian original

That's all I have, bet you wished you hadn't (had not) asked... On hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 12:15, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
 * As long as the encyclopedia is improved, I'm easy. Everything addressed, though a few points with further questions. Ritchie333 (talk) (cont)  14:00, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Few responses. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 14:21, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
 * , Regarding the "accolades" section (AFAIK, the only significant issue left), I've dropped a couple of sentences in from the sources, added a sentence in the lead, which also covers the reissues, and shuffled some of the sections about a bit so they make more sense. However, I don't think there's really more that can be added, except possibly another quotation; it doesn't really give the casual reader much more information beyond what they can already tell ie: "lots of metallers like it". Any further thoughts? <b style="color:#7F007F">Ritchie333</b> <sup style="color:#7F007F">(talk) <sup style="color:#7F007F">(cont)  17:47, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I'm good with the article. It's definitely beyond the requirements of GA, so I'm happy to promote.  I made a few late adjustments but nothing major.  Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 18:29, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review! <b style="color:#7F007F">Ritchie333</b> <sup style="color:#7F007F">(talk) <sup style="color:#7F007F">(cont)  18:31, 22 March 2021 (UTC)