Talk:Madonna della Clemenza

Untitled
Feedback from Prof. McClanan: You’re off to a great start, and show that you’ve been attuned to writing for the context of Wikipedia in the way you present your material. •	It’s so helpful that you included an image, but proofread the caption •	Not an oil painting •	CE is generally preferred over AD these days •	There are many more than 5 Marian icons that survive from the medieval period (I think you mean to have a tighter parameter) •	Proofread typos like largets •	late antiquity Rome should be written either “late antique Rome” or “Rome in late antiquity” •	add comma to: Mary's which •	add more links to other Wikipedia entries, such as for halos •	stick w term Christ (Jesus has slightly different meaning) •	another aspect of revision is to vary word choice, for example, find synonyms for holding •	no comma after Virgin Mother, •	not sure the exhibition is important to include, esp. since this icon was only incl. through a reproduction •	if you do keep it, fix caps for Santa maria Maggiore •	for sources, remember to stick w peer-reviewed material so that you know the authors are experts on the topic (so no TV shows). Otherwise your sources look good except swap the title of the journal for Florida State University Libraries in the Matos citation. Please touch base with any questions. ALMc

=Evaluations=

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 24 September 2018 and 14 December 2018. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Emilenelson.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 00:24, 18 January 2022 (UTC)

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations I would consider reworking the second sentence in the second paragraph. Third paragraph, first sentence you might want to consider breaking up into two sentences, sounds like a run-on. Strike "though" in "That very day though". Strike "also" in last sentence to read, "Along with the statue, people placed candles in their windows and called the celebration Les Illuminations.".

Language
Meets Expectations

Organization
Exceeds Expectations You have a well formed and interesting rough draft of The Festival of Lights, Emile. Your contribution reads easily and is interesting.

Coding
Good

Validity
Good Good/Needs improving/Clarification. (See Citations)

Completion
Exceeds Expectations

Relevance
Exceeds Expectations

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations A few of your sentences are run-ons. I think you should break up the first sentence in your first paragraph into two sentences. The first sentence of the third paragraph is also one. Your second paragraph has a nice flow. Sentence structure and length are written in a way that isn't repetitive.

Language
Meets Expectations I would consider changing some of the language in the article. Your use of adverbs and adjectives might make the language seem less formal and more stylistic. In your second paragraph, you use the word "slew" and "disastrous" which might not convey the events in an objective way. Although it makes the article a lot more interesting to read, I am not sure it is proper for an article.

Organization
Exceeds Expectations Well organized and very informative about the festival. Structure of the article is easy to follow.

Coding
'Exceeds Expectations

Validity
Good missing citation in the first paragraph

Completion
Exceeds Expectations Lots of content. Well done.

Relevance
Exceeds Expectations Very interesting topic.

11/6/2018 Evaluation by User:Meganly
Grade: A/B

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations It looks like you have a pretty clean first edit, Emile. There are some punctuation issues you could clean up. In your third sentence, first paragraph: "At its invention, it was a rudimentary sport, played with only sticks and pebbles."- strike both commas after invention. I was told a good rule of thumb for considering whether a comma should be used is reading the sentence minus the phrase within the commas. If it doesn't make sense then you should probably delete the commas or rework (I love using commas, too ;). In the last sentence in the first paragraph, "In the late 16th century, the sport was unbanned and King James took up the sport." strike "unbanned" and insert another word... I don't think unbanned is a word. Try something like, "In the late 16th century, the sport was again granted as permissible when King James took it up."

Language
Meets Expectations Good use of neutral toned language.

Organization
Meets Expectations Consider reworking the interesting tidbit about King James banning "the sport". From my perspective, because this is an entry on golf, it might make sense to have the sentence start with the banning of golf, the date, and then that archery was the primary sport at the time. So it might read something like, "King James banned the sport of Golf, in 1457, citing that it interfered with the primary sport for entertainment at the time, archery." (The bit about archery being a primary sport for war kind of threw me, too. I think it could pass without further information, but I would probably delete).

Coding
Good

Validity
Good I think your information provided is strong, and all claims are backed up with citation. I like your poem by Henry Adamson that you have included, but I'm wondering about the validity not in relation to Golf, but to Golf in Edinburgh. If he lived there, or if the poem came to him after playing a round at the golf course in Edinburgh it might make more sense. If that is the case, certainly including that information in your edit will help.

Completion
Meets Expectations

Relevance
Meets Expectations

Feedback from Prof McClanan, 12/6
This new entry looks terrific--thank you for your hard work. I added a few more links but you should be justifiably proud of what you have accomplished.

AMcClanan (talk) 02:16, 7 December 2018 (UTC)