Talk:Maia Estianty/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: AdabowtheSecond (talk · contribs) 02:55, 18 August 2012 (UTC)

Will review, comments to follow, in about 12 hours at maximum AdabowtheSecond (talk) 02:55, 18 August 2012 (UTC)

Images licensing, dead refs and disambiguations

 * 1) Everything good except fix this
 * Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:12, 19 August 2012 (UTC)

Lead

 * 1) Good, contains everything in article

Early life

 * 1) "born to Harjono Sigit and his wife Kusthini" --> write to father and mother
 * Not done. Clear from the sentence which is male and which is female (i.e. which is the father and which is the mother)
 * 1) "while at Yohanes Gabriel Catholic Elementary School in Surabaya, she once hit a classmate with a thrown object so hard that the classmate began to bleed profusely" ---> remove thrown
 * Done.
 * 1) "and the two began to work on tunes for the piano together" ---> could you re-write/ re-sentence this
 * How's this?
 * 1) "A bright student in elementary school and junior high school, while in senior high school she began dating, first with a classmate then with Dhani, and her marks dropped drastically." ---> bright? who says so drastically what is considered drastic? neutral point of view rewrite
 * Changed the first bit. The title of the article, "Prestasi Merosot Tajam", literally means "scores dropped drastically", so it's in the source. Do you think it needs quotes?
 * 1) "Towards the end of senior high school, Estianty and her father began arguing about her work and poor performance at school. Estianty threatened to move out; Sigit said he would support her, on the condition she continue her studies at a state university" --> who is Sigit?? I haven't been introduced to his full name in the article prior.
 * First sentence: "Harjono Sigit", her father. Gave a bit to connect the two sentences.

Ratu

 * 1) "It has an R&B flavour --> is it a pie no please change to "it has R&B influences", an album's music is timeless so never use past tense
 * Rephrased. The writing itself is not timeless, so "influenced" is okay here.
 * 1) "Ratu released Ratu and Friends in collaboration with numerous other artists" ---> what are Ratu and Friends albums/eps/singles?
 * Album, done.
 * 1) The album, which only featured two songs by Ratu,[11] sold more than 400,000 copies and was certified double platinum.[12] The title of the song "Teman Tapi Mesra", often abbreviated TTM, became widely used to describe those in a physical relationship without an emotional one.[13] > which album are you referring to, "only featured" remove only, cite other writing credits if you are cite Dhani's, where did the album go double platinum?, what song is it a single of which album??
 * In Indonesia. Indonesian music rarely, if ever, goes further than Indonesia, Malaysia, and Singapore. Nixed "only". Don't see Dhani's name in relation to the album (don't have a copy, so I wouldn't be able to verify the full writing credits). Thought it was implied from collocation, but added Ratu and Friends anyways.
 * 1) Also in 2006, Ratu released Nomor Satu (Number One), which had pop-rock influences;[1] Maia wrote most of the songs.[15] The album was a commercial success; it sold 200,000 copies on the day of its release, a record for a work by a female Indonesian group. ---> is it album/ep/single??, "which had pop-rock influences" change had to has music sound is timeless, where did it sell 200,000 copies in its first week.
 * Clearly not a single if it's in italics; says it's an album in the following sentence. Changed to with, added "nationally".

Duo Maia and acting
This is all AdabowtheSecond (talk) 15:47, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
 * 1) Remove the entire bit about their divorce to a new section titled personal life or divorce from ...
 * I disagree here, as the divorce is one of the reasons Ratu disbanded. Moving it would remove context as to why she formed Duo Maia. Regarding a separate section, that would give a section with only one paragraph, which looks unprofessional.
 * 1) Remove in the entire article that they went to trough a 'bitter' divorce who says it was bitter, what is considerd bitter, maintain neutral point of view.
 * Nuked "bitter" in the caption. The paragraph states clearly why it was bitter, and is completely referenced.

I feel this up to GA quality, Cheers AdabowtheSecond (talk) 16:44, 19 August 2012 (UTC)