Talk:Mal Waldron/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 03:22, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Hi Eddie, I'll be glad to take this one. Sorry you've had to wait so long for a review. Comments to follow in the next 1-5 days. -- Khazar2 (talk) 03:22, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Thanks. I'll be here. EddieHugh (talk) 10:10, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Okay, on first pass, this looks quite good. The prose is good, the sources look solid, and it appears to be comprehensive and neutral. I'll do a more detailed source check in a minute. I made small changes as I went; feel free to revert any with which you disagree. Here's a few small points I couldn't immediately fix myself that I'd appreciate your thoughts on:


 * "with Coltrane in mind." -- I'm not quite clear what's meant here. Do you mean he wrote it intending for Coltrane to play it? Or he wrote it for others in the style of Coltrane?
 * Sources state that he wrote it for Coltrane, with Coltrane's style in mind, so changed to "for Coltrane".


 * "jazz composer's workshop" -- should this be jazz composers' workshop (as in, "a workshop for jazz composers")?
 * The jazz/music world is not good with apostrophes... There's an album entitled Jazz Composers Workshop, which doesn't help. I've seen various forms, so have changed it to the grammatically accurate one that you suggested.


 * "His own band was formed " -- the passive voice is a bit odd here, as it implies someone else may have formed the band for him. Could you say "he formed his own band"?
 * Changed to "Waldron formed his own band in 1956".


 * " was described as one of the first attempts" -- is it possible to say who described it this way?
 * Added "The Oxford Companion to Jazz", rather than the author of the specific chapter from that book.


 * " gradually all my facilities returned"" -- should this be "faculties"?
 * Well spotted. I misread my notes from the book. Changed to "faculties".


 * "This setting was chosen partly for economic reasons, but mainly for artistic ones" -- what "setting" do you mean here? I think you have a better grasp of the lingo than I do, but "duets" seems more like an "arrangement" or "approach", whereas "setting" seems more like a physical location. But feel free to ignore this point if you feel I'm off base.
 * Cut "in various settings", as it wasn't needed. "setting" is often used in this way, probably for lack of a simple alternative... I've left the part you quote, as "duets" and "Duet albums" are in the previous two sentences, so the referent should be fairly clear.


 * "As a pianist, Waldron has influenced later generations of players" -- "as a pianist" seems mildly redundant here--is there another aspect in which he would have influenced them?
 * Could be through compositions/arrangements, but there's nothing on that in the section (or, that I can recall, in the sources), so changed to "Waldron has influenced later generations of pianists."


 * Thank you for the comments and edits (especially the switching of names and pronouns to add clarity, which I often fail to spot). I undid two bits of your editing (and saved these changes as a separate edit). Other changes in response to your feedback are indented above. Let me know what else may be needed. And a couple of questions: what does "Reflist|30em" do (and should it be used for all articles)? Jazz Project articles that I've looked at that are GA or FA and that have a wikilink to a discography still use the heading "Discography" rather than "See also", so would it be better to use the former? EddieHugh (talk) 16:08, 10 November 2013 (UTC)
 * All the above looks/sounds good (and I'm fine with the reverts you made, too.). The empty section with a wikilink in it seems odd to me, but if it's in previous jazz FAs, you're welcome to change it back. I don't think it's an issue for the GA criteria either way. WP:LAYOUT discourages having lots of very short sections, but a single one shouldn't be a problem. So I'd say it's your call. Thanks for taking care of this one so quickly! -- Khazar2 (talk) 16:13, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Oh, and reflist|30em turns the reference list into columns (the "em" is a printer's measure of width, I believe, as in an "em-dash"). You'd have to check the MOS to see if it's required for longer articles or not, but it does make the references more accessible and compact in most displays and is common in GA or FA content. All that said, it's not required for GA, so if for any reason you want to revert, feel free. -- Khazar2 (talk) 16:15, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for reviewing and improving it. I'll try to remember to use reflist|30em – it condenses things well. EddieHugh (talk) 17:15, 10 November 2013 (UTC)
 * My pleasure! I've been listening to Waldron clips on YouTube all morning and enjoying them quite a bit. -- Khazar2 (talk) 17:59, 10 November 2013 (UTC)