Talk:Male Fantasy/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 10:28, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

I will really crack on with this when I have more time free from work --K. Peake 10:28, 20 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Okay, take your time. Waiting for your notes! inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 18:21, 20 February 2022 (UTC)
 * I applied to your suggestions, except of noted ones bellow! inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 01:10, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Your work so far has been applaudable and I am glad we ultimately found mutual ground on the lead order, while keeping the sources instead of liner notes for credits is fine since they are reliable ones anyway. A good amount of sections remaining; let's hope this review continues its current course! --K. Peake 09:25, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you! I try to make every next article better than the last one, so I thought it'd be a good time to also try review someone's article (preferably "Deeper and Deeper"), but with so many small details I miss I don't think it's a good idea. Sorry for offtop hah. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 17:29, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * WP:OVERLINK of Billie Eilish under songwriters
 * "songwriter Billie Eilish which concludes her second studio album" → "songwriter Billie Eilish, included as the final track on her second studio album,"
 * The last cut part should be the second sentence of the first para instead, while the release date should be the fourth (keeping music video in the last para and genre/writing as the second sentence here)
 * Pipe acoustic to Acoustic music
 * "breakup ballad was written by" → "breakup ballad, it was written by" with the pipe
 * "also produced the track." → "also handled the production."
 * "The song verses touches on" → "The verses touch on"
 * "in music industry, while in the chorus the artist" → "in the music industry, while in the chorus, the singer" with the pipe
 * "It was one of the" → "The song was one of the" but is the last part really sourced?
 * "was met with a widespread praise from" → "received widespread praise from" plus add what the critics highlighted before the fan part
 * ""Male Fantasy" was released on" → "The song was released on"
 * Reword the music video sentence to mentioning that it premiered simultaneously with the single release, as the latter part will have been moved in the new order
 * "associates with the track" → "associates with the song"
 * "while the artist wanders" → "while she wanders"
 * "her Saturday Night Live rendition of the single saw scenery taken from" → "her Saturday Night Live (SNL) rendition saw scenery resembling"
 * "the song on" → "the song on the"
 * "It was album's the least commercially" → ""Male Fantasy" was Happier Than Ever's least commercially" plus make this the first sentence of the last para instead
 * Specify how low the peaks were, i.e within top 100, plus remove Sweden and mention US was on Bubbling Under Hot 100 Singles4
 * ✅ Done. Firstly I was quite opposed to your idea for the new order, but after some time I reworked it to somehow match what you've suggested. And yes, [7] is the source for the sentence you asked. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 01:10, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Background and release

 * Shouldn't you add the liner notes as a source for the piano because the section does not mention it and when its not personnel, you should use them directly as a source?
 * "by Billie Eilish and Finneas O'Connell," → "by Eilish and Finneas O'Connell," with the wikilink
 * Wouldn't it be more reliable to cite liner notes for writing and production credits?
 * "for this track, came up after the singer had conversations" → "for the track was formed by the singer after she had a conversation"
 * "to discuss and it can "make" → "to discuss and can "make"
 * "she elaborated that she" → "Eilish opened up that she"
 * "also incredibly cathartic too,"" → "also incredibly cathartic too"," per MOS:QUOTE
 * "to be included in" → "to be included on"
 * [6] should be invoked after the second sentence of the second para too because it is the only source used for that
 * "since she thinks that "nothing" → "expressing that "nothing" but the source uses angry note at the end of the nothing part, unless she says "bad note" in the YouTube video?
 * "also enclosed, that this song" → "also enclosed that the song"
 * "and that due to her" → "and as a result of her"
 * "she finds this track to be" → "she finds it to be"
 * "It has been later picked as the" → "The song was released as the"
 * Remove the music video release part from here, as that only belongs in the appropriate section
 * ✅ Done. I used other sources for writing and production credits, since well, they exist simply. :v I thought it be even better this way, to include them as sources for this. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 01:10, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Music and lyrics

 * ""Male Fantasy" is an acoustic," → "Musically, "Male Fantasy" is an acoustic," with the pipe
 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on guitar
 * Pipe ballad to Sentimental ballad
 * "According to a" → "According to the"
 * Remove wikilink on beats per minute
 * Add a comma after register
 * "is depicted heartbroken in the track," → "is depicted as heartbroken on the track,"
 * "and additionally uses its concept" → "and additionally utilizes the concept"
 * "the chorus final line," → "the chorus' final line," with the pipe
 * The line ending the chorus is not sourced, nor is the question as being after it
 * "to the Slant Magazines Sal Cinquemani symobolizes" → "to Slant Magazines Sal Cinquemani, symbolizes"
 * "her own agency."" → "her own agency"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * "She begins second verse, singing" → "Eilish begins the second verse by singing" but the source does not mention the verse directly at all
 * The source does not use the "girl she used to know" quote and mentions her singing about an old friend, so reword appropriately
 * "Later she self-reflects" → "Later, she self-reflects"
 * Audio sample looks good!
 * Thanks! inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 01:10, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "distracting fantasy about a male," → "distracting fantasy about a male," per the source
 * "better to her."" → "better to her"."
 * "made a remark that "Male Fantasy" resembles" → "made a remark about "Male Fantasy" resembling"
 * "the single is "melancholy and ethereal", and that its production is" → "the song is "melancholy and ethereal", describing its production as"
 * Wikilink Rolling Stone
 * Wikilink Rob Sheffield
 * Uproxx should not be italicised
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 01:10, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Critical reception

 * Pipe music critics to Music journalism, as that is the correct article for these critics
 * Remove wikilink and italicisation for Uproxx
 * "while in the article published on Clash, the single has been described" → "while Robin Murray from Clash described the song" because the source mentions the author; check the bottom 1
 * "Instead he dubbed it" → "To the contrary, he dubbed the song"
 * Wikilink Neil McCormick
 * the Daily Telegraph → The Daily Telegraph per MOS:THECAPS on titles of works
 * "and opinied that they are" → "and opined that they are"
 * "across as a victim."" → "across as a victim"."
 * "of the album."" → "of the album"."
 * "opinied that the song is" → "opined that the song is"
 * "and modern womanhood."" → "and modern womanhood"."
 * the Ringer → The Ringer, per the website's stylization
 * "and described his wish for" → "and mentioned his wish that"
 * Remove "as this single" at the end of the sentence because you already mentioned the stripped down comment is referencing the song
 * the A.V. Club → The A.V. Club
 * "were fond of it, with the former called it "masterful"," → "being fond of it; the former noted a "masterful closer"," per relevance
 * Chorus.fm should not be italicised and pipe to AbsolutePunk
 * You should mention what Insider liked about the song after them praising the singer's intentions, as otherwise the review seems negative when this is not the case; do the same for Chorus.fm
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 17:29, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Listicles

 * Retitle to lists
 * Remove or replace The Tab per WP:RSSM
 * "On Rolling Stone-published" → "On a Rolling Stone-published"
 * "commenting that his song" → "commenting that the song"
 * "put the song at 21st position of" → "placed the song at the 21st position on"
 * "writing "[p]icking apart" → "writing: "Picking apart" because this is a full sentence quoted
 * Mention what the list compiled by Langford is of
 * "with a comment that it is" → "with him commenting that it is"
 * "not exactly groundbreaking."" → "not exactly groundbreaking"."
 * "according to Brodsky," → "published by Brodsky,"
 * Pipe Billboard to Billboard (magazine)
 * "at number four concluding" → "at number four, concluding" and put more of this quote into your own words per WP:QUOTEFARM
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 17:29, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Commercial performance

 * Write the full name of the US Billboard Hot 100
 * "at number two on Bubbling Under Hot 100." → "at number two on the Bubbling Under Hot 100 chart."
 * "on Hot Rock & Alternative Songs at" → "on the US Hot Rock & Alternative Songs chart at"
 * "at placements such as 59 and 80," → "at numbers 59 and 80,"
 * "on UK Streaming Chart and number 9 on" → ""on the UK Streaming Chart and number 9 on the" with the pipe
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 17:29, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Background and synopsis

 * "depression on memory."" → "depression on memory"." on the img text, per MOS:QUOTE
 * Excitement among Eilish's fans is not sourced, nor is the 9 AM release time
 * Pipe Pacific Time to Pacific Time Zone
 * "It has been directed and edited by the singer." → "The video was directed and edited by Eilish."
 * "wrote that it was" → "wrote that the visual was"
 * "and "joy"." → "and "such a joy"." per the source
 * "from Happier Than Ever era" → "from the Happier Than Ever era"
 * Wikilink as jump cuts
 * "Besides aforementioned color," → "Besides the aforementioned color,"
 * "The cisual features Eilish alone" → "The visual features Eilish wandering alone"
 * "to the song's opening line." → "to the song's opening verse." per the sourcing
 * "is depicted depressed,[65] and" → "is depicted as depressed and" moving [65] solely to the end of the sentence as the first ref
 * "rolls around the bed." → "rolls around in bed." moving [73] to also being at the end of this sentence
 * The chorus being when she does those activities is not sourced
 * [73] should solely be at the end of the sentence where you currently invoke it after a comma and the end
 * "check up the fridge" → "checks up on the fridge." but this being during the second verse is not sourced
 * "with courtains drawn." → "with curtains drawn."
 * "just with different positions made" → "only differing in the positions made"
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 16:56, 25 February 2022 (UTC)

Reception

 * Remove pipe on Complex
 * Remove or replace uDiscover Music per discussion
 * "and Uproxx it was described" → "and Uproxx, it was described"
 * "Broadway World's Michael Major labled" → "BroadwayWorld's Michael Major labeled" with the wikilink
 * Remove pipe on Billboard
 * "In other article," → "In a separate article,"
 * "In Rolling Stone article, Paul Larisha wrote that" → "For Rolling Stone, Paul Larisha wrote,"
 * the Far Out Magazine → Far Out Magazine, per the article
 * "or a breakup."" → "or a breakup"."
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 16:56, 25 February 2022 (UTC)

Live performances

 * Pipe Vevo Live to Vevo
 * Remove wikilink on YouTube
 * "has been directed by Kyle Goldberg and was shot" → "was directed by Kyle Goldberg and shot"
 * "Wearing white cutout sweater" → "Wearing a white cutout sweater"
 * "mahagony hotel bedroom," → "mahogany hotel bedroom,"
 * "while her brother, Finneas, is featured on" → "while Finneas is featured on"
 * "and that her voice is a" → "and her voice is a"
 * Wikilink Dazed
 * "while calling the whole rendition as" → "while summarizing the rendition as"
 * "which featured a performance" → "which features a performance"
 * "On December 11," → "On December 11, 2021,"
 * [76][84][85][86][87] is too many sources at the end of the sentence; move around to being at separate points to fix this
 * "on a floor wearing sweatshirt," → "on a floor wearing sweatshirts,
 * Remove or replace uDiscover Music per discussion
 * "whereas Peters dubbed it as" → "whereas Michael Peters dubbed it as"
 * Remove or replace PopSugar per it being a gossip website
 * "Next year, the singer" → "In 2022, the singer" per the year being mentioned too long ago
 * "and Not My Responsibility interlude. The artist plays" → "and the Not My Responsibility interlude. Eilish played"
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 16:56, 25 February 2022 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Pipe vocals to Singing
 * ✅ Done. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 16:56, 25 February 2022 (UTC)

Charts

 * Good

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed; good thing I completed this today on my day off! --K. Peake 11:56, 25 February 2022 (UTC)
 * I applied to every note you gave me, with exception of uDiscover Music. According to the discussion you linked, uDiscover Music can be used sparingly, for this article it is only used for opinions and just stating things can be observed in the music video, usually paired with the other source. Thus I did not remove any of those references, and I don't think we should. Waiting for the reply! :) inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 16:56, 25 February 2022 (UTC)
 * I beg to differ since the discussion is acknowledging it being used sparingly, but in this article you are using it for reviews of the video and a performance, which meets the unreliability standard listed there. In the given context, it is unreliable for music video description because this can be biased too and the author's background does not show any reputable history as a journalist. Your effort is much appreciated though and thank you for working hard on implementing my suggestions! --K. Peake 19:50, 25 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Okay, I removed uDiscover Music, I guess I did all of your notes, but please check if I missed something, because I am clumsy. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 01:42, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * You forgot to move the last cut and release info for the new order of the lead, missed changing Eilish to Billie Eilish in the body while wikilinking Finneas O'Connell, there was no source(s) added for the chorus' final line and the one as following it, not all of the MOS:QUOTE instances were resolved, the issues in the "melancholy and ethereal" quote area were not fixed and no sourcing was added for excitement among her fans about the mv. --K. Peake 08:56, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Ok, fixed those! The part where Eilish asks "Want me to sing here?" is sourced in [38], I added "after singing 'I know I should, but I could never hate you part, so the reader would get an idea where this quote is coming from. Fans' excitement is sourced in [66]: "The video is set to premiere at 17:00 GMT today (December 6th) with a slew of fans already sharing their excitement in the comments section as they await the song going live." inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 09:20, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * The release part is supposed to be the fourth of the para, elsewise good. K. Peake 09:55, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * You mean that it should be moved before "The verses touch on subjects including (...)" sentence? inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 09:58, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Yes, but write "the song was released" instead. --K. Peake 10:22, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * But why? For me, it makes more sense to put a sentence about song's content after a sentence about the music. But I might be wrong.. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 10:25, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Basic info is appropriate to come first in the lead, which is what release is more than the lyrical content. --K. Peake 12:59, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * I don't know, but for me it feels kind of stupid, but I changed it anyways. inf sai  ( talkie?  UwU) 17:46, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, to be honest most song articles place the release date in this position. --K. Peake 21:58, 26 February 2022 (UTC)