Talk:Manoj Bajpayee/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: FrB.TG (talk · contribs) 20:16, 12 December 2015 (UTC)

Please write either Bajpayee or Bajpai throughout the article. There are places where I see Bajpai while in some sentences you refer to him as Bajpaee; be consistent.
 * Lead
 * Merge the Tamil and Telugu appearing part with the first sentence as it seems more relevant there.
 * I am not sure if "two-wifed" is safe try a prince with two wives.
 * "In 2003, Bajpai acted in Pinjar, for which he was awarded the Special Jury National Award." → "Bajpai won the Special Jury National Award for Pinjar (2003)" for the sake of simplicity.
 * I see three instances of "followed by" in the lead which makes it repetitive.
 * Either combine second sentence (of the last para) with the first one or get rid of "Though" as it reads a bit vague.
 * Have an WP:ALT text for the lead image.
 * Early and personal life
 * "He was the second child among his" - what do you mean he "was" the second child? Is he not now the second child?
 * "One of his younger sister s Poonam Dubey"
 * I believe "house wife" is one word.
 * "Being born in a farmer family, Bajpai says: 'we were supposed to do farming in our vacation and cultivate the land.'" - I believe the quote can be paraphrased.
 * Any suggestions?


 * "He moved to New Delhi at the age of seventeen and went first to Satyawati, then to Ramjas College, Delhi University"
 * In the section, you say that he was rejected four times when he applied for National School of Drama while the lead says others - factually inaccurate.
 * " Impressed b Bajpayai's acting, John hired" - I think you missed a y in by.
 * "After that he applied at the National School of Drama for the fourth time, they offered him a teaching position at the school instead" - how did it happen when "he was rejected four times and wanted to commit suicide"?
 * Career
 * The section is pretty big. Please have some subsections.
 * "a comedy film; where he had a supporting role"– I think a comma would do better.
 * The quote in the following sentence can easily be paraphrased.
 * Hope the current version is right.


 * "give him a big role in his next film" - try "prominent" or something else instead of "big".
 * "was there next film together" - I think you mean "their".
 * "the title character to form there nexus in Mumbai underworld" - again it's "their". Also have a definite article before Mumbai underworld.
 * "called Bajpai and other's performances that they are" → "called Bajpai and others' performances"
 * "Though the film was a box-office disappointment" – why do you have a though when there is not preceding or following sentence which is contradictory?
 * If possible, try to paraphrase the Sify review for Shool.
 * Is it right now?


 * "In 2001 Bajpai's first release was" → "Bajpai's first release in 2001 was"
 * "Singh of Fatehpur. A polo enthusiast" instead of the full stop, you need a comma.
 * "1971, where he portrayed the..." - TBH this sentence is so messed-up. Please rephrase it.
 * "and was out of screen" → "and was absent from the screen".
 * "which was a remake of the Hollywood film Unknown"
 * "rightful heir of an political family" - "a" political.
 * "Bajpai "..grab [s] eyeballs in [his] scenes".
 * "In 2012, Bajpai had three consecutive releases"
 * You have written that Gangs of Wasseypur is a two-part crime saga but please also mention that he only appeared in the first part.
 * Simply say that Anupama Chopra called it his best performance since Bhiku Mhatre in Satya instead of quoting Chopra.
 * A lot of sentences I see start with "his next film", "he had x releases in", or something like that. Please rephrase a few of them.
 * Have India Today in italics.
 * There are some words used repetitively throughout the article e.g. "then" 12 times.
 * "Director Ram Gopal Varma said 'Manoj..., further adding ... "
 * References
 * Otherwise they (sources) look fine; good job.--  Frankie talk 14:33, 13 December 2015 (UTC)
 * Otherwise they (sources) look fine; good job.--  Frankie talk 14:33, 13 December 2015 (UTC)


 * Apart from three instances regarding paraphrasing, I have taken care of all the queries. Thank you for the review. Yashthepunisher (talk) 16:42, 13 December 2015 (UTC)