Talk:Mantle oxidation state

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 8 January 2019 and 20 March 2019. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Hiroooooo.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 00:30, 18 January 2022 (UTC)

Review #1
Organization The lead section feels more like a body with all the information it contains, so I would suggest a new lead paragraph of a few sentences before this text with a summary of all the sections. Also, I would suggest making the Upper Mantle/Transition Zone/Lower Mantle sections a subset of the Pressure section since they go into what is in that section in more detail. The subheadings themselves were clear. The section Implications for Diamond Formation seems a little out of place at the end. Maybe this would be fixed by creating a more concise lead section. But it does seem relevant so keep the information. Content This article summarizes the information on Mantle Oxidation State well. The only small comment I have would be, in the third paragraph of the lead section, to either link “polyvalent” to something (because I didn’t know what it meant), or briefly explain it (though this might not be relevant to the page itself). Citations Citations were good at the beginning of the article, but by the last sections there were very few. A few of the sources have some of the same authors on them, I’m not sure if this can be helped but it might not be quite as “Balanced” as it should ideally be. Grammar and Style Some grammar problems, but overall the style was very appropriate for an encyclopedia article. Some paragraphs in the lead section did not seem to flow well, such as the sections around the equations and equations that were typed in the paragraph rather than separated out, but those can be easily fixed.

Great work, Hiroooooo! --Stecklen (talk) 05:09, 18 February 2019 (UTC)Stecklen

Responses to reviewers
Organization

The lead section feels more like a body with all the information it contains, so I would suggest a new lead paragraph of a few sentences before this text with a summary of all the sections. Also, I would suggest making the Upper Mantle/Transition Zone/Lower Mantle sections a subset of the Pressure section since they go into what is in that section in more detail. The subheadings themselves were clear.

>> new lead paragraph updated, and subheadings edited.

The section Implications for Diamond Formation seems a little out of place at the end. Maybe this would be fixed by creating a more concise lead section. But it does seem relevant so keep the information.

>> updates in lead paragraph made.

Content

This article summarizes the information on Mantle Oxidation State well, as far as I can tell. The only small comment I have would be, in the third paragraph of the lead section, to either link “polyvalent” to something (because I didn’t know what it meant), or briefly explain it (though this might not be relevant to the page itself).

>>External link to 'polyvalent' added.

Citations

Citations were good at the beginning of the article, but by the last sections there were very few. A few of the sources have some of the same authors on them, I’m not sure if this can be helped but it might not be quite as “Balanced” as it should ideally be.

>> Not many research groups studied this topic so a lot of publications have to come from the BGI group.

Grammar and Style

Some grammar problems, but overall the style was very appropriate for an encyclopedia article. Some paragraphs in the lead section did not seem to flow well, such as the sections around the equations and equations that were typed in the paragraph rather than separated out, but those can be easily fixed.

>> I actually need some more specific comments on how to organize the 'formulae' part of my page-- could you please give some suggestions？

So far I am still not sure if the content of this page is complete-- need some experts' input. Also I felt the "importance" of mantle oxidation state is not fully developed. In what directions should I expand this part? Thanks!

-Hirooooooooo (talk) 17:54, 27 February 2019 (UTC)

Review #2
Lead Section

Intro Sentence: Excellent

Summary: Excellent

Content: Excellent

Article

Org: Excellent

Content: Excellent

Balance: Excellent

Tone: Excellent

Images: Good

References

Citations: Good

Sources: Excellent

Completeness: Excellent

New Article

Coverage: Excellent

Article Body: Excellent

Intro

Good! Very clear and straightforward, good summary of the sections.

Thermodynamical Description of oxidation state

“The oxidation state of mantle is a special term of the thermodynamical terms” - Not sure what this means Equations: -Not sure if you have to say what the variables are? -Not sure if you should just write out “the volume is directly proportional to gibbs over Pressure” -Make note of what exactly the equations are saying- What’s the importance of “logfO2 (P)” -Delete “we” - first person

Pressure effect on oxygen fugacity -“Pressure has profound effects on transforming the physics and chemistry of mantle.” Reword: the physics and chemistry of the mantle depend on pressure? -“As mantle minerals experiencing higher pressures, they are compressed and transformed.” Cut “higher pressures”: as mantle minerals are compressed, they transform -Nice garnet picture!

Implications for Diamond Formation -Nice figure and picture -Don’t start the section with an equation- introduce it first (“the equilibrium reaction for diamond is this”)

Sources Sources look good. I think you need to add more citations to your text, after any new information that isn’t something that a non-geo person would know.

Great article Hong! Stecklen (talk) 00:41, 11 March 2019 (UTC)