Talk:Manuel Trujillo Durán/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MX (talk · contribs) 17:02, 12 September 2019 (UTC)

Review
Will review! Stay put. MX ( ✉  •  ✎  ) 17:02, 12 September 2019 (UTC)

Lead paragraph

 * – I think it should be at least 4 sentences, but not more than one paragraph given the size of the article. Please expand on the major points.


 * – Why don't you remove the references from the lead and add his DOB/POB in a section called "Early life"? I also think it would be good if you incorporate his death date and place somewhere in the body.

Infobox

 * – If they are notable, why aren't they mentioned in the body paragraphs? I would love this info somewhere in the sections, which a short description on why they were impactful/important. Information in the infoboxes is generally recommended to be cited and mentioned elsewhere in the body paragraphs, per WP:INFOBOXCITE

Photography

 * – Strong suggestion, but I would add the English translation too in parenthesis.


 * – From 1897 to what year? Or do you mean "starting in 1897"?


 * – Who suggested this? For simplicity, I would simply removed the "it is suggested" and simply state the facts as is.


 * – What's the name of the newspaper? The Gutenburg?


 * – "... In the 1897 Commercial Directory of American Republics, his registered profession was photographer", or something of that nature.

Film pioneering

 * – I would recommend a brief description of who Mr. Méndez is. A simple "... an associate of film technician Luis Manuel Méndez", for example, helps.


 * – Instead of putting "it was believed" (which may trigger an "According to whom?" tag), I would recommend saying that "... film scholars believed that ..."


 * – What are your thoughts on putting this as a footnote? It disrupts the flow a bit, but it is important to keep this fact somewhere. Now, I would recommend removing the "still" and specifying what dates. "Still" can get outdated, per MOS:NOW.


 * – Awkward phrasing, consider rephrasing.


 * – The world "fortunate" may be considered a WP:WEASEL word. Consider rephrasing this sentence and the flow of the rest.

Legacy

 * – "Now" can be outdated per MOS:NOW; rephrase


 * – Ditto with "still"; I would also change "nation" to "country", since nation is a completely different term that what I think you mean.


 * – Better rephrased to: "Film scholar Arturo Serrano wrote an article that discussed this ..."


 * Change "hasn't" to "did not"; and I would recommend changing "legend" to "icon", since it is more neutral and encyclopedic. I couldn't find any reference to this in the source, however. Is there a specific statement that mentions this?

Response
- thanks for the review, I have actioned everything mentioned, and built up the page more. What do you think? Kingsif (talk) 23:15, 12 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Satisfied with the changes done! I've copyedited the article a bit, too. Please review and feel free to change anything you don't see fit. I'm passing the article now. MX ( ✉  •  ✎  ) 15:52, 13 September 2019 (UTC)