Talk:Manulife/Archive 2

Edit Requests: Revisions and Substantial Additions
Disclosure: I am a representative of Social Media Group requesting that edits be made to this entry on behalf of our client, Manulife Financial Corp. The Manulife Financial entry contains some statements that are outdated or inaccurate. The article is also missing many facts about the company's history. In order to increase the accuracy and completeness of this article, I request that you please consider making the following edits and additions.

Please note:
 * 1) Edits are listed in order from the top to bottom of the article.
 * 2) Where citations are based on printed articles, PDFs are available upon request for verification by Wikipedia editors.

1. Existing sentence: "Manulife Financial Corporation is a Canadian insurance company and financial services provider. Manulife Financial's global head office is located in Toronto, Canada and the Company has operations in 21 countries and territories worldwide."

Requested revisions (in bold): Manulife Financial Corporation is a Canadian insurance company and financial services provider. Manulife Financial's global head office is located in Toronto, Canada, and the company has operations in Canada, the United States and Asia. "

2. Add photo to right sidebar.

3. Add subhead to "History" section: "Private Stock Company". Sub-head should precede the sentence: "The Manufacturers Life Insurance Company was founded in 1887..."

4. Add accompanying photo to paragraph: "...Its first president was the first Prime Minister of Canada, Sir John A. Macdonald. In 1897, Manulife Financial expanded its operations into Asia, including China and Hong Kong."

5. Add paragraph to "Private Stock Company" sub-section: "Manulife Financial entered the U.S. market in 1903 with a license to sell insurance in Michigan, opening an office in Detroit. Initially, the company provided basic life insurance products. Later expanding across the United States, the company developed its market to include estate and business planning services, and investment-type products for American customers. "

6. Add accompanying image to "Private Stock Company" sub-section: [|thumb|alt=Manulife Headquarters circa 1925|In 1925, Manulife Financial head office opened in Toronto, Canada, where it remains the company’s global headquarters]

7. Add sentence and accompanying image to "Private Stock Company" sub-section: "Manulife Financial became the first insurance company in Canada to use mainframe computer technology with its installation of the IBM 650 in 1956. " [|thumb|alt=IBM 650 at Manulife Financial headquarters in Toronto, Canada|IBM 650 at Manulife Financial headquarters in Toronto, Canada]

8. Add paragraph to "Private Stock Company" sub-section: "In 1958, shareholders voted in favour of changing legal form from a joint stock company to a mutual organization, making the company privately owned by its policyholders. "

9. Add subhead to "History" section: "Mutual Company"

10. Add sentence and accompanying image to "Mutual Company" sub-section: "In a move to consolidate its Canadian operations, Manulife Financial opened its Canadian headquarters in 1988 in Waterloo, Ontario. " [|thumb|alt=Manulife Financial Canada headquarters in Waterloo, Canada|Manulife Financial Canada headquarters in Waterloo, Canada]

11. Add subhead to "History" section: "Demutualization and Public Company"

Subhead should precede the sentence: "In 1999, The Manufacturers Life Insurance Company’s voting eligible policyholders approved demutualization.[Add citation] "

12. Add paragraph to "Demutualization and Public Company" sub-section: "In a deal with Daihyaku Mutual Life Insurance Company to create Manulife Century Life in 1999, Manulife Financial became the first Canadian insurance company to enter into a joint venture in Japan.  In 2001, Manulife Century Life acquired the business of Daihyaku Mutual, which had become insolvent. "

13. Existing sentence: Manulife-Sinochem is now licensed to operate in more than 40 cities across China.

Requested revision (edit in bold): Manulife-Sinochem is now licensed to operate in more than 50 cities across China.|publisher=Forieign Affairs and International Trade Canada}}

14. Add sentence and accompanying image to "Demutualization and Public Company" sub-section: "In June 2012, Manulife Financial expanded its Asian operations with the opening of Manulife Cambodia, headquartered in Phnom Penh. " [|thumb|alt=Ribbon cutting ceremony at the opening of Manulife Cambodia in 2012|Ribbon cutting ceremony at the opening of Manulife Cambodia in 2012]

15. Add "Awards and Recognition" heading below "History" section.

16. Add paragraph to "Awards and Recognition" section: "Since 2005, Manulife Financial has been a member of the United Nations Environment Programme Finance Initiative (UNEP FI).  In 2011, Manulife Financial and its employees gave $24.8 million to more than 600 non-profit organizations in communities where the company operates around the world.    Manulife Financial is also listed among the 40-company North America index of the Dow Jones Sustainability Index."

Jcsmg (talk) 23:48, 6 December 2012 (UTC)


 * We cannot use images from another web site without permission direct from that web site. See WP:DCM, suggest either add CC-BY-SA notices on the web site images, OR send all the images, and the form from commons:Commons:Email_templates/Consent to photosubmission AT wikimedia.org - when all images have been uploaded for you then they can be used here  Ron h jones (Talk) 21:10, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Thank you for the help and instructions regarding the copyrighted images. We are currently working on a solution to be able to have the images included in the article. In the meantime, could you please consider making the text edits requested above? Jcsmg (talk) 19:20, 20 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Just a note - tags don't work quite like you intended them to work, which was making your edit request look very confusing. I changed the formatting so that your edit request is more readable. I also added a reference list tag so that editors can more easily review your proposed references. I hope these changes are OK with you. Dreamyshade (talk) 09:06, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

I implemented some of your suggested changes - I hope this is helpful. Here are my notes. I declined some of them since I haven't seen the source PDFs for verification; if you'd like to send them to me so I can check them, you can email me via Special:EmailUser/Dreamyshade. Also keep in mind that there's only room for a limited number of images in this article - the images should be somewhat balanced with the amount of text. Dreamyshade (talk) 10:06, 22 January 2013 (UTC) Jcsmg (talk)
 * 1) I chose to implement this suggestion by consolidating the introduction instead of adding new text. I agree with not saying a specific number of countries in the introduction since that number is likely to change frequently.
 * 2) I added the photo of the headquarters, since that's a reasonable piece of information about the company to include.
 * 3) I added the "Private stock company" subheading because it makes sense to note major changes in the structure of the business.
 * 4) I declined to add the picture of the founder. This article is too short to comfortably include a lot of photos, and an interested reader can click the link to Sir John A. Macdonald to see pictures of him.
 * 5) I declined to add this information. I don't have access to the reference, and the text is almost identical to the 1903 entry on Manulife's website, so adding the text could be a copyright violation. Could you propose alternate wording?
 * 6) I declined to add this photo for the reason explained by Ronhjones.
 * 7) I declined to add this text. I don't have access to the reference, and I'm also not sure whether this fact is significant enough to include in the history of the company; I'd have to see the reference. I declined to add this photo for the reason explained by Ronhjones.
 * 8) I added this text. It sounds significant and is described neutrally, and I found some confirmation in this PDF.
 * 9) I added the "Mutual company" subheading because it makes sense to note major changes in the structure of the business.
 * 10) I declined to add this text. I don't have access to the reference, and I'm also not sure whether this fact is significant enough to include in the history of the company; I'd have to see the reference. I declined to add this photo for the reason explained by Ronhjones.
 * 11) I added the "Demutualization and public company" subheading because it makes sense to note major changes in the structure of the business. I declined to add the reference because I couldn't check it.
 * 12) I declined to add this text because I couldn't check the reference.
 * 13) I declined to add this text because the reference information seems incomplete - maybe you meant to include a complete reference?
 * 14) I added this text because it sounds significant and is described neutrally with a reference I could check. I declined to add this photo for the reason explained by Ronhjones.
 * 15) (And 16.) I declined to add this text. Can you provide additional references to secondary sources for this section to show that these things are significant and well-sourced? I'm partly hesitant to add this section to the article since it seems flattering instead of neutral - instead, it may be better to integrate these items into the history section.


 * Hello, thanks for reviewing my requested edits. I would like to supply additional information for some of the declined edits in order ::for :them to be approved. Please let me know if you require additional information. I have also emailed DreamyShade links to the source ::material.


 * Requests
 * 5. Please consider the following paraphrased version   "Manulife Financial first entered the US market in 1903 by obtaining a ::license to sell insurance in Michigan through an office in Detroit. Basic life insurance was the first product offered, but as the ::company expanded across the United States services such as estate and business planning, as well as investment-type products were also ::offered to American customers.
 * 7. The PDF source / backup is also available here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/vw0rxv68st56vcy/Manulife-Issue7-1956IBM650.pdf
 * 10. The PDF source / backup is also available here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/zu5alr3f5869enw/Manulife-Issue10-1988-500King.pdf
 * 12. The PDF source / backup is also available here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/8rt340p1eis9fol/Manulife-Issue12-2001Japan.pdf
 * 13. Backup for the change to existing text (from 40 to 50) is available here: http://www.international.gc.ca/media_commerce/comm/news-::communiques/2012/08/20a.aspx?view=d
 * 14. See Notes... need to know if we have done this yet.
 * 15. We would like to have the “Awards and Recognition” section added, but are still happy if the additional content is added to the ::“History” section.
 * 16. Below are the previous, and some sources for the requested edits. Currently only information from Manulife contains information about ::the 2011 charitable giving cited in the requested edits.


 * 2011 Charitable Giving:
 * http://www.manulife.com/public/files/201/1/MFC_PAS_2011.pdf
 * http://www.manulife.com/public/news/detail/0,,lang=en&artId=146958&navId=630002,00.html


 * United Nations Environment Programme Finance Initiative:
 * http://www.unepfi.org/signatories/index.html?tx_phpadd_pi1%5Borgid%5D=2625
 * http://www.macleans.ca/article.jsp?content=20071130_114344_4508&page=4
 * http://www.csridentity.com/signatoryissues/unepfinanceinitiative.asp


 * Dow Jones Sustainability:
 * http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personalfinance/ted-rechtshaffen/the-occupy-movement-and-your-investment-::portfolio/article2210097/
 * http://tridelta.ca/The-Canadian-Financial-Planner/2011/11/02/do-good-through-your-investment-portfolio/
 * Please let me know if any additional sources or confirmation are required.
 * Jcsmg (talk) 15:54, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Jcsmg (talk) 15:54, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Jcsmg (talk) 15:54, 24 January 2013 (UTC)

Response
I will not make edit 5; it is not sufficiently important content. Ditto for 7,

As for 10, I need an explanation of the successive changes in its headquarters. As the article currently reads it was never anywhere else. Successive changes of headquarters is relevant contents. Consolidation of miscellaneous offices is not.

I'll add 12, somewhat abbreviated Expansions into major nations are relevant content.

As for 13, the number will increase from time to time, so it belongs on the company website; a general statement is all that is needed--I will try to figure out some wording

For 14 and all similar statements throughout the article, I condensed the wording. That they opened an office in X is encyclopedic, that they "expanded their Asian operations by ..." is redundant and therefore promotional. The pictures are not necessary--they convey no encyclopedic information. Please do not propose any more of them.

For the awards, which ones do you want to list?. We normally include only national awards for major accomplishments--a good standard is that the award would have an established WP article of its own, and usually that a third party--neither the company nor the awarding organization reported it

For charitable giving, all companies do it, so only major programs are encyclopedic. I will look at the ones you list. I don't see any in the public accountability statement that seem significant. All are either minor, or things done along with many other companies. I recognize many other articles list things at that level, and when we see them, we should remove them. Not add to them. We haven't been diligent enough here--I'm going to start doing it more regularly when I work on this sort of article.

And another comment: The existing article is excessively wordy. It uses the name of the company too much; after a single use in each section, the proper term is "the company" or "they" except where's there's a need for clarity. You tend to word things "In somemonth someyear, the Manulife Financial board of directors finalized the decision to open .... " -- this should be "In year, they opened ..." or the passive, "In year, a branch was opened in ... ", which can then be combined in a single sentence with similar in other years. Writing a WP article is not a matter of filling enough space to sound impressive.

What we could use, is more information about company history: a list of all the successive ceo's would be good content.  DGG ( talk ) 06:46, 24 February 2013 (UTC)

Edit Request: Additional Revisions and Additions
Disclosure: I am a representative of Social Media Group requesting that edits be made to this entry on behalf of our client, Manulife Financial Corp. The Manulife Financial entry contains some statements that are outdated or inaccurate. The article is also missing many facts about the company's history. In order to increase the accuracy and completeness of this article, I request that you please consider making the following edits and additions.

I have reviewed the feedback provided within the post above, and applied it to additional revisions requests. Please let us know what fact and historical updates requests can or cannot be added to the Manulife page. We are also tracking down a list of successive CEOs as per previous guidance. Thanks.

Under History - Private Stock Company

Addition: 1. The company sold its first policy outside of Canada in Bermuda in 1893. In 1894, policies were sold in Grenada, Jamaica and Barbados; Trinidad and Tobago, and Haiti in 1895; and British Honduras, British Guiana, China and Hong Kong in 1897

Addition: 2. In 1901, the company merged with Temperance and General Life Assurance Co. of Toronto, forming the third-largest company in Canada at the time.

Additition: 3. In 1931, it opened its first southern China branch in Hong Kong. Shortly thereafter, it established itself as a leading life insurer in the region with branches in Macau, Shantou and Xiamen.

Under History - Mutual Company Addition: 4. In 1975, John Diefenbaker, the 13th Prime Minister of Canada, opened a permanent blood donor clinic for the Red Cross at Manulife Centre, Toronto. The company donated the space to house the clinic.

Addition: 5. In 1996, the company entered an agreement with the Zhong Hong Life Insurance Co. Ltd., based in Shanghai, to form China’s first joint venture life insurance company, Manulife-Sinochem.

Under History - Demutualization and Public Company Revisions & Addition (changes in Bold): 6. In 2008, Gail Cook-Bennett became the Chair of Manulife Financial’s Board of Directors '''after having served on the board since 1978. Cook-Bennett is currently the only female to sit as a board chair among the 30 largest financial institutions in North America.''' Image Change: 7. Requesting that the current image Manulife Place, Edmonton, be removed and replaced with an image of Manulife Plaza. Caption: Manulife Plaza, Causeway Bay, Hong Kong. Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Manulife_Plaza.jpg

Edit Request: Update
Disclosure: I work for Manulife in a communications role. In reviewing the current Manulife Financial entry and previous activity on the Talk page, I’d like to re-visit the opportunity to provide some updates to the page that will help to improve it. I welcome the community’s feedback and would be happy to discuss further.

Specifically, please consider the following edits and adjustments:

1. I would like to follow up on the status of an image change request from March, 2013 made by user Jcsmg: "Requesting that the current image Manulife Place, Edmonton, be removed and replaced with an image of Manulife Plaza /wiki/File:Manulife_Plaza.jpg. Caption: Manulife Plaza, Causeway Bay, Hong Kong." Can this be completed?

2. Under History - Demutalization and public company: the current information is out-of-date and would benefit from a rearrangement of the existing content, for clarity. The revisions I am proposing are specific to the fourth paragraph (changes in italics):

"In 2013 Richard DeWolfe became the Chair of the company’s board, succeeding Gail Cook-Bennett, who retired after serving 34 years on the board.

In 2009, Donald Guloien, the Chief Investment Officer, succeeded Dominic D’Alessandro as President and CEO of the company. Shortly before his departure, ''D’Alessandro modified his retirement package; the restricted units would only vest for a total of $10 million if the shares reached $36 by the end of 2011, and he would receive $5 million if the shares hit $30. This was in response to shareholders’ reaction to the first quarterly loss ever posted by the firm in its public history. Under Guloien's leadership'', the first initiatives were a dividend cut and an equity offering to bolster Manulife's capital levels, making it difficult for the share price to reach the target levels needed to vest."
 * If you can provide a citation/source I'd be happy to make the change for you. Wilipino (talk) 11:46, 18 July 2013 (UTC)