Talk:Marie Jeanne Baptiste of Savoy-Nemours/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 10:59, 18 March 2015 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * Lorraine → Who are what is this? Link if possible.
 * The mother → As the mother
 * in the name of her son Victor Amadeus II → in the name of Victor
 * who was her husband's successor. → her, husband's successor.
 * At the time of her death she → comma after death
 * great grandmother → hyphenate
 * There shouldn't be any citation in the lead as this is an overview, so everything you say here I presume is present throughout the rest of the article?


 * Family and childhood
 * great grand daughter → hyphenate
 * grand daughter → one word, not two
 * This made her a half-first-cousin once removed of Louis XIV and a relation to most Catholic royalty at that time. → Needs citing.
 * Mademoiselle d'Aumale who was born in 1646. → comma after d'Aumale
 * Marie Jeanne grew up with her sister Marie Françoise, Mademoiselle d'Aumale who was born in 1646. → Needs citing.
 * She was styled as Mademoiselle de Nemours prior to marriage. → Needs citing.
 * As a young girl she frequented the salon of the famous Madame de La Fayette who later introduced Marie Jeanne into correspondence with Madame de Sévigné. → Needs citing.
 * Her father died in 1652, killed in a duel with his brother-in-law → In 1652, her father was killed in a duel with his brother-in-law
 * For the next several years she → For several years after, she
 * uncle Henri II the new →Comma after Henri II
 * At Henri's death in 1659 the → Comma after 1659
 * With two young daughters, her mother Élisabeth looked to her maternal family for support in getting them properly settled. → Needs citing.
 * Link Lorraine


 * Marriage negotiations
 * Her family wanted a match with Charles Emmanuel II, Duke of Savoy, who was the son of Christine Marie of France (half-aunt of Élisabeth). → Needs citing.
 * Christine Marie summoned Marie Jeanne, her mother, and sister to Turin in 1659 for inspection.[12] Charles Emmanuel showed a keen interest in Marie Jeanne as a potential wife. → Needs citing.
 * wife. However → wife, however
 * Having returned to France, Mademoiselle de Nemours → Who are you referring to now? Just stick to one name/title.
 * Charles' rank was similar to that of the Duke of Savoy and the match was pursued by Marie Jeanne's mother. → Needs citing.
 * She became engaged to Charles on 4 February 1662. → Needs citing.
 * by Queen Anne (mother of Louis XIV). → by Queen Anne (mother of Louis XIV).
 * What is Bar?
 * However, when the Treaty of Montmarte was signed two days later, the duchies of Lorraine and Bar were surrendered to Louis XIV. → Needs citing.
 * This left the duke of Lorraine landless, and drove him to join the imperial court. → Needs citing.
 * As a result, Charles backed out of the engagement. →Needs citing.
 * Proposals came from Françoise Madeleine's sisters but were rejected. → Needs citing.
 * This union was supported by Louis XIV. →Needs citing.
 * Marie Jeanne married Charles Emmanuel II on 20 May 1665[21] at the Castello del Valentino amid great celebration. → Why have you put a source mid-sentence and not and/also at the end?


 * Wife and Duchess of Savoy
 * In Savoy her name → In Savoy, her name
 * In Savoy her name was Italianised to Maria Giovanna Batista di Savoia and she was known as Madama Reale. → Needs citing.
 * the child's grandfather → comma before 'the'
 * The two sisters remained close all their lives. → Needs citing.
 * Prior to her husband's death, Marie Jeanne played little part in the politics of the time. → Needs citing.
 * In his reign, her husband carried out various improvements to the royal residences and left a great architectural legacy in Savoy. → Needs citing.

While this is a much better effort compared to Talk:Amadeus VI, Count of Savoy/GA1, there are still sourcing and citation issues present throughout, basic grammar problems and issues with structuring paragraphs and sentences. Also, I sill understand why the Retirement and later life section for example has so many short paragraphs. A paragraph should be about 4-5 sentences long. The Issue section should be in a table, like on Elizabeth II. This is a better effort but I haven't even got to the five sections or the references yet, and looks what's already above from the three sections previously. I'm sorry but I'm failing this article. — ₳aron  09:44, 19 April 2015 (UTC)
 * Outcome