Talk:Marie Wittman/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Most Comfortable Chair (talk · contribs) 16:06, 1 September 2020 (UTC)

Hello. I will review it in a day or two. One of my textbooks in college had briefly mentioned Jean-Martin Charcot so this is a fascinating topic for me. — The Most Comfortable Chair 16:06, 1 September 2020 (UTC)

Lead

 * "which resulted in amputations due to radiation poisoning." — Mention what was amputated.
 * "Charcot's techniques were controversial; commentators have disagreed whether Wittman suffered from a physical condition like epileptic seizures, from mass hysteria resulting from conditions at La Salpêtrière, or was merely faking the symptoms." — Avoid using "from" thrice, so tweak it a little.
 * "Charcot's techniques were controversial; commentators have disagreed whether Wittman suffered from a physical condition like epileptic seizures, from mass hysteria resulting from conditions at La Salpêtrière, or was merely faking the symptoms." — Avoid using "from" thrice, so tweak it a little.

Early life

 * "She was prone to fits of anger, to which her mother by throwing a bucketful of water on her." → "She was prone to fits of anger, to which her mother responded by throwing water on her." — Unless the sentence is supposed to imply something else. Removing "bucketful" per Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie.
 * "Wittman stayed with her mother from age 14 to 15" — mention her working in laundry, per Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie.
 * "Wittman stayed with her mother from age 14 to 15, during which time she" → "Wittman stayed with her mother from age 14 to 15, during which she".
 * "she had sex with a jeweler named Louis." — The translation on Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie says that "she had relations" with the jeweler. Unless it is explicitly stated somewhere that they only had sex, it should be "she had relations with a jeweler named Louis". If you can find a source claiming they had sex, it should be something along the lines of "she had relations with a jeweler named Louis and they engaged in sexual intercourse."
 * "she sought asylum in a convent." → "she sought asylum in a convent on the Rue du Cherche-Midi."
 * "Her attacks were largely at night" — mention that she would see Louis during her attacks, per Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie.
 * "she had sex with a jeweler named Louis." — The translation on Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie says that "she had relations" with the jeweler. Unless it is explicitly stated somewhere that they only had sex, it should be "she had relations with a jeweler named Louis". If you can find a source claiming they had sex, it should be something along the lines of "she had relations with a jeweler named Louis and they engaged in sexual intercourse."
 * "she sought asylum in a convent." → "she sought asylum in a convent on the Rue du Cherche-Midi."
 * "Her attacks were largely at night" — mention that she would see Louis during her attacks, per Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie.
 * "Her attacks were largely at night" — mention that she would see Louis during her attacks, per Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie.
 * "Her attacks were largely at night" — mention that she would see Louis during her attacks, per Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie.

Treatment by Charcot

 * "Her attacks began seven days after admission and followed the three stages – epileptoid, generalized clonus, and delirium – that Charcot identified." → "Her attacks began seven days after admission and followed the three stages—epileptoid, generalized clonus, and delirium—that Charcot identified."
 * ❌ Spaced en dashes are acceptable per MOS:DASH
 * Her attacks should be described here as they are in "Page 8" of Talk:Marie Wittman/Iconographie. Let me know if you need help with this (I am a medical doctor).
 * I'd absolutely appreciate your help – I don't even play a doctor on TV.
 * "Static electricity from a Ramsden machine was used in 1879 to restore feeling to one arm." — Which arm? It was mentioned earlier that she had loss of sensitivity in her left arm.
 * "She was also a subject for faradisation experiments" — Link faradisation since its a technical term. Perhaps to Wiktionary.
 * "The Discovery of the Unconscious" → "The Discovery of the Unconscious (1970)".
 * Last two paragraphs here should switch places for a proper timeline. "A 2017 study..." should be the last paragraph.
 * "The Discovery of the Unconscious" → "The Discovery of the Unconscious (1970)".
 * Last two paragraphs here should switch places for a proper timeline. "A 2017 study..." should be the last paragraph.
 * Last two paragraphs here should switch places for a proper timeline. "A 2017 study..." should be the last paragraph.

Later life

 * "Wittman returned to the hospital" — Specify which hospital since two hospitals are mentioned in the previous section.
 * Mention her cause of death in the prose instead of the footnote.
 * Roldan is the only source to mention that cause of death. Given that it's in the same sentence as a probably-incorrect year of death, I'm hesitant to place it in the prose.
 * Roldan is the only source to mention that cause of death. Given that it's in the same sentence as a probably-incorrect year of death, I'm hesitant to place it in the prose.

Depictions

 * "used as a demonstration" → "used in a demonstration".
 * "a 2020 paper argues that the apparatus visible next to Charcot is in fact a du Bois-Reymond induction device" — remove "in fact".
 * "The novel was well received; with its use of Curie's investigations of radiation as a metaphor for human experience praised." → "The novel was well received; its use of Curie's investigations of radiation as a metaphor for human experience was praised."
 * However, a 2007 letter published in The Lancet — link The Lancet.
 * "The novel was well received; with its use of Curie's investigations of radiation as a metaphor for human experience praised." → "The novel was well received; its use of Curie's investigations of radiation as a metaphor for human experience was praised."
 * However, a 2007 letter published in The Lancet — link The Lancet.
 * However, a 2007 letter published in The Lancet — link The Lancet.

Final

 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * It is a good read and meets the criteria. Thank you for your efforts. — The Most Comfortable Chair 07:37, 6 September 2020 (UTC)
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * It is a good read and meets the criteria. Thank you for your efforts. — The Most Comfortable Chair 07:37, 6 September 2020 (UTC)
 * It is a good read and meets the criteria. Thank you for your efforts. — The Most Comfortable Chair 07:37, 6 September 2020 (UTC)