Talk:Marilyn Saviola/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Epicgenius (talk · contribs) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

This article is quite short but I'll take this up. epicgenius (talk) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

Prose and coverage
I'll just review the entire prose portion in one shot.
 * The article is generally free of copyright violations, except for proper nouns. Also, is there a better way to rewrite this: was inducted into the New York State Disability Rights Hall of Fame?
 * What are we trying to achieve rewriting this? Need to know the context to rewrite it well. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
 * , this would be to reduce copyright violations, since that is word-for-word from the source. It's ok if you can't do so. epicgenius (talk) 02:32, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
 * Modified. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * Lead is only one sentence. I'd suggest expanding this to at least two.
 * Modified two, likely will grow further in future but also trying to paint my house this week . ~ riley  ( talk  ) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * On July 13, 1945, Saviola was born in Manhattan, New York - why link "New York" and not "Manhattan"?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * to Peter Saviola and Camilla 'Millie' Saviola - Can this be moved to the next sentence? E.g. " Her parents Peter Saviola and Camilla 'Millie' Saviola, who had no other children"
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * Saviola contracted polio at the age of 10 in August 1955 - this reads awkwardly. What about "in August 1955, aged 10"?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * I know my family never accepted it, totally didn't, and always thought of it as if I prayed enough, and they were good enough, they said enough novenas or whatever, and if I believed enough, I would be cured. - This is almost long enough that it should really be a blockquote instead, per the guidance at MOS:BQ. However, I don't think you need to write out the entirety of the second part of the quote. It detracts from the main point that Saviola's family believed that there was a way to be cured.
 * Might have to walk me through this one... Is this what you meant? ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
 * , I suggested that you can possibly shorten the quote. Yes, that's what I meant. epicgenius (talk) 02:31, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
 * Gotcha, was mainly concerned about the comment about detracting from the main point and if the modification had addressed that. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * at LIU, when they were both students - Do you mean "when", or "where"?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * The first paragraph of the career section:
 * Too many sentences begin with the word "she". Could you mix it up a little by actually mentioning her name?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * The first two sentences also sounds somewhat like a timeline of her jobs. Do you have any other details of her roles?
 * In 2015, she received the Henry Viscardi Achievement Award for her lifetime of work in disability rights - this should probably go with the mention of the 2017 award.
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * Her fellow speakers included Sandra Schnur, Maria Nardone, and Frieda Zames - who are they?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * She was honored in 2019 at the opening of a new radiology unit in the Bronx, - How was she honored? Also, do you know where in the Bronx (was it a hospital or private practice)?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 08:03, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * The personal life section is basically just her death. No kids, no partner?
 * Added info on partner, extremely limited. No mention of kids. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 07:47, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * An oral history with Saviola - of her life?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


 * Where's the Bancroft Library?
 * Addressed. ~ riley  ( talk  ) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

POV
I don't see any POV issues, seeing as this is such a short article. It may be more focused toward her occupation, though. epicgenius (talk) 05:02, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

Images
The one image used in this article has a good non-free rationale, given that the subject of the article is deceased. epicgenius (talk) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

Overall
Just these few comments and we should be set for a green plus sign.

Also pinging, who (while not the nominator) seems to be a significant contributor. epicgenius (talk) 05:05, 4 January 2020 (UTC)
 * I will be starting on this tomorrow. Thanks for the work so far . ~ riley  ( talk  ) 20:03, 4 January 2020 (UTC)
 * , no problem, take your time. epicgenius (talk) 00:21, 5 January 2020 (UTC)


 * , are we all set here? ~ riley  ( talk  ) 08:03, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
 * I just had a second look at the article. I don't see any more issues, so will be passing this shortly. epicgenius (talk) 15:54, 6 January 2020 (UTC)