Talk:Marinette Dupain-Cheng/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: DanielleTH (talk · contribs) 01:39, 29 December 2018 (UTC)

As I'm familiar with this topic and the series as a whole for nearly three years now (wow!) I'll take a look at this article. I'll review Adrien Agreste too once completes this one. I'll also mention that I have a GA nominated article as well, if you are interested in reviewing it. DanielleTH (Say hi!) 01:39, 29 December 2018 (UTC)

Comments
Sorry for the wait,, I wanted to ensure I had enough time to do this review throughly.

"Reasonably well written"

 * Lead and infobox
 * Marinette is picked by him --> Marinette is picked (by him is implied)
 * Per MOS:OL, things like bakery, video games, comic books, T-shirt, ladybug, and action figure don't need to be linked, since the average reader knows what they are.
 * Plays --> voices for the sake of link clarity.
 * Removed Spider-Man from the infobox and lead. The article only states the creator feels she's similar to him, but never cites him as inspiration. The lead is a summary and as this is just a similarity, not an influence, it's not notable enough fact to be in a summary of the article.
 * We don't need the French for Cat Noir, he has his own article where it's stated. It's just fancruft in Marinette's article. (Same for later appearances).
 * Concept and creation
 * MOS:OL, don't link superhero, television series, T-shirt, ladybug, character, black cat, 2D, 3D, bakery, executive producer, chief executive officer, or anything else the general reader already knows about
 * "Since he felt this character would be good and he did not know of the existence of a ladybug-themed superhero, Ladybug's character was conceptualized." Bit unclear due to length, try breaking it up into two separate sentences.
 * "Lady's haircut" --> "woman's haircut" and remove "obviously" in the following sentence. Be careful of connotations.
 * "He commented that Ladybug's character is similar to Spider-Man." Did Spider-Man have influence on Ladybug, or is Astruc using this as a means of comparison? For a means of comparison I suggest using the word "comparable" over similar, to make it less fancrufty.
 * "He also characterized her as a character that brings happiness. He classified her as his favorite character." These should really be combined.
 * Voice
 * Minor grammar fix, I don't believe saying is being used correctly here. I don't want to rewrite your writer voice, but I'll make a suggestion you don't have to take: try "
 * Be careful of overquoting. You have a lot of two word fragments directly from Vee here. Instead, paraphrase and remove the quotations.
 * Don't link French and recording studio (OL).
 * The information about the French cast is kind of tacked onto the last paragraph before diving into Vee again. I suggest merging all information about Vee to the first paragraph, removing Hautbois from the first paragraph, then making the entire second paragraph about the French cast. You could try something like "Anouck Hautbois plays Marinette in the French version of the series. Thomas Astruc characterized Hautbois and the rest of the French cast as fantastic."
 * In the main series
 * Don't link Chinese and teenage. French-Chinese can be linked, so I went ahead and did it. If you don't want it linked, feel free to remove it.
 * Don't provide the French name information of Hawk Moth. If he gets his own article, it can be added there.
 * In other Miraculous media
 * Don't link Christmas, playable character, comic book, mobile game, musical, film. Pipe out original video animation to "OVA" (that's the common name) but keep it linked.
 * Critical response
 * Don't link pun (OL).
 * Merchandise
 * Don't link toys and action figures (OL).

Verifiability

 * Source linking in general
 * This article suffers a lot from cite overkill. In general you only need two sources maximum for something, maybe three if the statement is very controversial or a compound sentence. But the fact about the ladybug t-shirt and the sticky note only really needed 1-2, Vee portraying Marinette needed one max (and possibly none in the caption, since it's cited in the body anyway). There are parts in this that go up to having five total sources for one statement, which is way too much. I suggest you review anything that has 3+ sources and decide if all of those are needed. 4-5 should really be cut down. If you find all citations are needed, try breaking up your sentences.

"Broad in its coverage"

 * In the main series
 * This section is missing Marinette's relationship with Alya, which is fairly central to her character, and should really be added. Briefly mentioning her relationship being generally positive with the other students and her distaste for Chloé and Lila, and possibly her relationship with Nino are also fairly important to her character as well.
 * Popularity
 * A lot of this is about what those who work for ZAG think of her, which should probably be in "Concept and creation". There is some stuff about how she is received by the general, non-critic public, and that she has some monuments. This could use a lot more about how fans reacted to Marinette, around thew world and in her native France.

Images

 * Vee image
 * The photo for Vee is a bit too big, so I've made it smaller. Feel free to adjust its size. All images that need it have proper Fair Use rationales.

Everything else looks great! Awaiting your changes. DanielleTH (Say hi!) 06:05, 15 January 2019 (UTC)

Hello and thank you for providing the review! I have tried to address all of the comments listed above, with a few mentions:

- Yes, Astruc had used Spider-Man as a means of comparison, so I changed "similar" to "comparable";

- I could not see the suggestion regarding the verb "saying" from the "Voice" subsection, so for now I changed it to "describing her as [one of her favorite characters that she voiced]";

- In the "Voice" subsection, I left the fact that Vee voices Marinette in the English version of the series and Vee's comments in the first paragraph, placed what Wolfson had said in regard to Vee's voice acting in the second paragraph, and put the fact that Hautbois voices Marinette in French and Astruc's comment regarding her and the rest of the French cast in the third paragraph; if I had placed Wolfson's comments in the first paragraph as well, that paragraph would have become too crowded and the difference in size between the first and second paragraphs would have been too big;

- I left "French-Chinese" linked;

- I reviewed the references and made sure that there are at most two references side by side in almost all places; where there are three references, this is because each of those references contains something unique; also, I believe the reference from the caption should be kept;

- I added a paragraph regarding Marinette's relationship with her parents (briefly mentioned), Tikki (briefly mentioned), and her classmates (with Alya, Nino, and Chloé in particular) in the "Appearances" section; her relationship with Adrien is mentioned in the paragraph above this one; I believe Lila should not be mentioned at the moment since she has not appeared in many episodes;

- I placed the comments related to ZAG from the "Popularity" subsection in the "Concept and creation" subsection; still, I could not find exactly how fans reacted to Marinette's character (except for what had already been mentioned - that they made cosplays based on her and that she served as inspiration for meet-and-greet sessions); since both the "Popularity" subsection and "Merchandise" subsection were smaller in size, I decided to combine them and create a "Popularity and merchandise" subsection; this way, every section composed of prose contains exactly two subsections;

- I believe the size of the image set by you is good. Flowerpiep (talk) 18:55, 17 January 2019 (UTC)Flowerpiep


 * All changes look great, so this is a pass, ! Great job with the article, and in particular great job on getting a very global view of the character based on your sources. I find a lot of articles lack that due to the language barrier, so I wanted to compliment your efforts with that. Will review Adrien's article when I get the opportunity. DanielleTH  (Say hi!) 20:34, 17 January 2019 (UTC)
 * Once again, thank you for reviewing the article! Also, thank you for your kind words! Flowerpiep (talk) 20:42, 17 January 2019 (UTC)Flowerpiep