Talk:Marinus Willett/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 18:06, 22 July 2022 (UTC)

Hi there, I'll review this article. PCN02WPS ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 18:06, 22 July 2022 (UTC)
 * A bit of work to be done but nothing crazy. Placing on hold. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 14:05, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
 * Hi User:PCN02WPS, thanks for taking on this review. I'll start going over your points now. Dabberoni15 (talk) 13:29, 24 July 2022 (UTC)
 * Hey, I think I've address all your concerns. Please get back to me whenever convenient. Adios! Dabberoni15 (talk) 14:16, 24 July 2022 (UTC)
 * , I appreciate your explanations and quick response, I think the article is in even better shape now. I don't have a problem with anything else. Both images are good on licensing, relevance, and captions, and I don't see anything among the sources you've used that gives me pause. I'm happy to give this one a pass, well done! PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 20:48, 24 July 2022 (UTC)

Lead and infobox

 * According to List of mayors of New York City, Willett was the 48th mayor in the city's history, could that be added to the infobox?
 * Done
 * His party affiliation (Democratic-Republican) is also listed (with a citation, it appears) in the above linked article, so that could be added too
 * Done
 * "who served as the Mayor of New York City from 1807 to 1808" → "mayor" here should be lowercase
 * Done
 * "numerous campaigns in the Revolutionary War throughout the Northwest" → I think "Northwest" here is meant to refer to the Northwest Territory instead of the Northwestern United States
 * Done
 * "Born on July 31, 1740 in Jamaica, Queens" → Birth date is given just a few sentences prior, so I don't think it needs repeating
 * Done
 * "he entered King's College in New York on 1772" → should be "in 1772"
 * Done
 * "Joining the Sons of Liberty in the 1770's" → I don't believe "1770s" needs an apostrophe here as it is not possessive, but rather just referring to the decade
 * Done
 * "Serving in the 1st New York, he took part in the Invasion of Quebec before transferring to the 3rd New York in 1776" → recommend expanding to "1st New York Regiment" and "3rd New York Regiment" to benefit the average reader
 * Done
 * "Seeing action at Monmouth" → IMO the link here should only include "Monmouth", not "at Monmouth"
 * Done
 * "He was made the colonel of the 5th New York in 1780" → same "Regiment" recommendation here
 * Done
 * "The town of Willet, New York is named" → comma needed after "New York" per MOS:GEOCOMMA
 * Done

Early life

 * "Marinus Willett was born on July 31, 1740 in Jamaica, Queens" → comma needed after "1740" per MOS:DATECOMMA
 * Done
 * "His parent's identity are uncertain" → should be "His parents' identities are uncertain" since you're talking about both parents
 * Done
 * "though historians have speculated that Willett's father was Edward Willett, a tavernkeeper in New York" → needs a citation
 * Done
 * "led by James Abercrombie on July 1758" → should be "in July 1758"
 * Done

American Revolutionary War

 * "Returning to New York, Willett participated" → tense change from present to past, perhaps add "After" to start of sentence
 * Done
 * "Gansevoort's aide-de-camp" → "aide-de-camp" is not italicized at its page, is there a reason for italics here?
 * No, removed
 * "On June 1778, as his regiment" → "in June 1778"
 * Done
 * "Gansevoort to join George Washington's army, participating in the Battle of Monmouth on June 28" → the second part of this sentence is confusing; does this mean he (1) got permission, then went to join them, and then participated with them at Monmouth, or (2) got permission to join them at the same (or similar) time as they were fighting at Monmouth, or (3) got permission to join them, then went to join them as they were planning an engagement at Monmouth for June 28?
 * 1 is correct. How do you recommend I rephrase this?
 * I've added subsequently to try and clarify things. What do you think?
 * I think your fix here is good, much clearer now. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 20:42, 24 July 2022 (UTC)
 * "In April 1781, he was appointed as colonel of the Tryon County militia, where Willett secured a victory" → The use of the word "where" confuses me here as no location is mentioned - if you're trying to say that he secured a victory while he was in charge of the militia, replace "where" with "with whom"
 * Done
 * "over a British-Indian force at Johnstown on October 25" → link should include the text "Johnstown" instead of "at Johnstown"
 * Done

Political career and death

 * First two sentences need to be cited.
 * Done
 * "Together, the pair frequently discussed plans to counter the political influence of the Democratic-Republican Party, which was dominated by Southern politicians" → List of mayors of New York City lists Willett as having been a Democratic-Republican, so I am confused as to why he would want to counter their political influence
 * Okay, this may need some explaining. Willett, as the source which is used on that article notes, was Democratic-Republican by the time he served as mayor of NYC, but it also explicitly states [|that he was] Anti-Federalist for most of his political career, including the 1780s and 90s. How do you recommend I address this?
 * Made some changes; whaddya think?
 * I like it, all good here. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 20:45, 24 July 2022 (UTC)
 * "on December 1783" → "in December 1783"
 * Done
 * "On April 1792" → "In April 1792"
 * Done
 * "Willett served as the Mayor of New York City" → "mayor" should be lowercase here
 * Done
 * His death does not fit in theme-wise with the rest of the paragraph, so I would recommend moving the two sentences about his death/burial to the "personal life" section.
 * I hate to disagree with you here, but I think your suggestion is something that I disagree with. The third section includes his death as well, and to move his death all the way to the back would include something very important chronologically-wise to a section containing various pieces of information about his life which I felt were better suited to a general collection of personal anecdotes about Willett's life and legacy. In my view, doing as you have suggested would negatively alter the article's narrative flow and structure. I am aware that there is a significant time jump between sentences and an almost sudden death, but I would like to draw your attention to the time jumps between the preceding sentences as well. I have tried to make his death seem more natural by noting that Willett retired from politics after his 1811 defeat. Perhaps we could ask another reviewer for some input?
 * I think we're good as is. We disagree a little but it's a relatively minor thing and I think your rationale makes enough sense to keep it as is, thanks for explaining your thoughts. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 20:43, 24 July 2022 (UTC)

Personal life, family, and legacy

 * "A street in Albany, New York bordering" → comma after "New York" per MOS:GEOCOMMA
 * Done
 * "named in honor of Willett, as was Willet, a town in" → is there a reason why the town name is spelled differently than his name?
 * I don't know, the source mentioned doesn't say. Maybe they couldn't spell?
 * Perhaps, I suppose that's always an option. PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 20:44, 24 July 2022 (UTC)