Talk:Mark Gubicza/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Larry Hockett (talk · contribs) 07:58, 7 August 2022 (UTC)

I'll be happy to review this entry. I should be able to return in the next couple of days with some specific feedback. In the meantime, the nominator may wish to start expanding the lead section to summarize the main content from the body of the article. This lead is too short and doesn't tell us much about Gubicza's career apart from the teams he played for.

Thanks to the nominator for the work that has gone into the entry so far. Larry Hockett (Talk) 07:58, 7 August 2022 (UTC)

I'm sorry I didn't get back to this as a quickly as expected. Thanks for the work on the lead. I'll take a look at it one more time after I get through the rest of the article. I'll go section by section and leave some feedback. For things outside the GA criteria, I'll try to mark them as such, and if you don't get to those things, I may just fix them myself.

Lead

 * Minor point: "He currently is a color commentator" - "He is a color commentator" means the same thing with fewer words; see WP:WTW.
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "Gubicza suffered multiple injuries in his later career" - mostly unnecessary since you describe the specific injuries later in the sentence. If you want to add something there, you might briefly mention the impact of those injuries. It looks like he was held to less than 20 games pitched in four of those seasons.
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)

Early life

 * "Anthony Gubicza Jr., a former pitcher who pitched in the minor leagues" - Anthony Gubicza Jr., who pitched in the minor leagues
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "Gubicza accrued 57 hits at the plate" - take out "at the plate"
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)

1984-1986

 * "Gubicza proved to be a promising pitcher" - take this out, sounds like editorializing
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "Following an 0–3 loss" - in prose, most sources place the higher score first, even for a loss ("Following a 3-0 loss")
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "The rotation proved to be elite" - if you are going to say something like this, name the specific source that described them this way, but don't put it in Wikipedia's voice because it violates NPOV
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "tasked with a pivotal role" - non-neutral
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "a revised Royals rotation that saw" - in encyclopedic writing, inanimate objects don't see; much easier to say Black was moved to the bullpen and Gubicza became _________________
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 20:52, 22 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Just a general point that also applies to other sections: we are missing some inline citations, especially for material that includes statistics.
 * I added in-line citations for several season stat lines as well as a few other citations. Let me know if I missed anything. Sewageboy (talk) 21:51, 22 August 2022 (UTC)

I hope to provide more feedback by tomorrow. Good work so far. Larry Hockett (Talk) 17:11, 21 August 2022 (UTC)

1987-1989

 * "the statistically-best season" - awkward grammar, might be more neutral-sounding to point out that he had career bests in specific statistical categories
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)
 * All-Star and All-Star Game are usually hyphenated
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "through 255 innings" - this makes it sound like there were more innings after the 255
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)

1990-1996

 * the first paragraph seems a little out of order; I'd lead with how he pitched early in the season, then discuss the surgery
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)
 * 6 run shelling - non-neutral; would be okay for a sports blog but not for an encyclopedia
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)
 * uncomfort --> discomfort
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)

Anaheim

 * "Despite the seemingly mild diagnosis" - confusing, as no diagnosis is discussed here
 * Fixed Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)

Broadcasting career

 * No need for a single third-level heading for Bally Sports West; same issue appears in the Personal life section
 * Fixed both Sewageboy (talk) 03:58, 28 August 2022 (UTC)

I may go in and make a few tweaks to the tone, but the above are the things that stick out to me as far as the writing so far. Next I'll go through and check the references. Thanks for your patience as I work through this more slowly than I planned. Larry Hockett (Talk) 02:15, 26 August 2022 (UTC)