Talk:Marnie (dog)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Viriditas (talk · contribs) 21:33, 11 May 2015 (UTC)

Criteria
 Good Article Status - Review Criteria   		A good article is&mdash;  :
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

:
 * (a) ;
 * (b) ; and
 * (c).

:
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

. . :
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).



Review
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Discussion

 * Prose style
 * Remove "as a result" whenever you see it as it is unnecessary. It's used three times in this article, for no good reason. Viriditas (talk) 05:18, 14 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Recent additions to the lead continue to assert and "beg" notability rather than describe it. For example, the lead currently says:
 * 1. "Photos of Marnie have been popular on Instagram and Twitter"
 * 2. "videos of Marnie on Vine, which have also garnered significant attention"
 * 3. " Marnie's popularity originated from her photos on Instagram"
 * 4. "which Braha added to since 2014, and has since became popular."
 * 5. "Marnie is especially famous for her permanent head tilt to the left"
 * This is really unnecessary and reads like a response to the AfD. Assert and/or describe notability or popularity once.  Five times in the lead section is simply ridiculous.  Keep in mind, this is already in addition to you describing her notability on Instagram and Twitter, which means you've actually said she's popular seven times in the lead section.  Try to write from an encyclopedic point of view, as if you had to describe Marnie to people in the future.  There's no need to say she's popular seven times when you can describe it without using those words. Viriditas (talk) 04:53, 18 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Marnie's popularity originated from her photos on Instagram, under the handle @marniethedog, which Braha added to since 2014, and has since became popular.
 * "Which Braha added to since 2014" reads quite strange. Viriditas (talk) 05:54, 18 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Infobox
 * <tt>Known</tt> parameter says "they have garnered significant attention"; that's not needed as that is the entire reason for the parameter and is basically begging the question. Instead of saying "Pictures of Marnie posted by Braha on various social networking services", just say "Internet celebrity".  I think that covers it. Viriditas (talk) 22:33, 11 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * rescue dog adopted
 * Try to avoid the WP:SEAOFBLUE by linking elsewhere. In other words, you don't need to link rescue dog and pet adoption in the same place, they can be linked separately in the article or paragraph. Viriditas (talk)
 * <span style="color: #3BB9FF; font-style: italic; font-family: Lato, sans-serif'">Esquivalience t 02:24, 13 May 2015 (UTC)
 * and Marnie's Twitter account has received over 75,000 followers
 * Please remove "and". Viriditas (talk) 23:16, 11 May 2015 (UTC)
 * <span style="color: #3BB9FF; font-style: italic; font-family: Lato, sans-serif'">Esquivalience t 02:24, 13 May 2015 (UTC)
 * The lead doesn't mention the distinctive feature of Marnie's head tilt. The lead is a good place for this important information.  Remember to summarize the most important points here. Viriditas (talk) 05:14, 14 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Thanks for fixing this. However,  the peer review initially raised this problem several months ago.  I will need to proceed carefully here to make sure previous concerns have been addressed.. Viriditas (talk) 03:36, 18 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Recent edits have attempted to expand the lead section per the above, however this has somewhat confused things. First I read she's a dog adopted by Braha and how she has become an Internet celebrity.  Then, I'm surprised by the second paragraph which tells me she was suddenly moved to an animal shelter and then adopted.  I realize you are trying to summarize the background, but it's disjointed without words leading me into the past.  There are several ways to solve this.  An easy way would be to replace "In August 2012" and move the first two sentences around in the second paragraph.  Something indicating the chronology like, "Braha initially adopted Marnie on Petfinder after she was found by animal control living on the streets of Connecticut". Viriditas (talk) 05:00, 18 May 2015 (UTC)


 * Appearances and merchandise
 * Braha also makes paid visits to events, and sells merchandise featuring Marnie for profit and initially to repay Braha's debt.
 * This reads rather clumsily. "Featuring Marnie for profit and initially to repay Braha's debt" is torturous to read.  Short sections are generally discouraged, so I would delete the section heading and merge this into the "popularity" section which should be renamed to "Internet celebrity" or something else. Viriditas (talk) 21:44, 12 May 2015 (UTC)
 * removed the "profit" section entirely, and merged section. <span style="color: #3BB9FF; font-style: italic; font-family: Lato, sans-serif'">Esquivalience t 02:24, 13 May 2015 (UTC)
 * External links
 * Per WP:ELNO and WP:ELMINOFFICIAL, only Marnie's official blog should be linked here. Her Instagram and Twitter feed is linked from the blog. Viriditas (talk) 22:45, 11 May 2015 (UTC)
 * Per WP:ELNO and WP:ELMINOFFICIAL, only Marnie's official blog should be linked here. Her Instagram and Twitter feed is linked from the blog. Viriditas (talk) 22:45, 11 May 2015 (UTC)