Talk:Mars, Bars

Huh?
I find this article utterly confusing. The entire plot summary is written in-universe and as someone that's not watched the show, it's utterly indecipherable. But even if I did know who these people were and how they are related, I'm still not sure I would understand it. For instance...

"Veronica gets questioned"

... IS questioned...

"by Sheriff Lamb (Michael Muhney) about the whereabouts of Josh without any knowledge gained, as she didn’t do it."

Didn't do what? The only mention of Josh is that he is missing, and thats in the lede (which is bad). So that "it" could be practically anything. Does Lamb think Josh is dead? And whatever "it" is, why would anyone think she did it?

"Lamb will keep her in prison for as long as he can"

On what pretext?

"leading to him calling in Mindy to his office"

For what?

"meaning that the murder took place an hour later than initially thought"

Because they filmed it or something? I'm trying to understand what this has to do with anything. In any event, the rest of the article provides no clue why this missing hour is in any way cogent.

"Veronica gives Josh his new idea"

Which is... what?

"and he gets into his safe-deposit box"

That's either a very large box or a very small person.

"Keith talks to the wife"

Who is "the wife"?

"Josh flees the country until the insurance money is guaranteed"

How does fleeing guarantee insurance money? Or did he flee for some entirely different, and unmentioned, reason?

"She shows Keith the tape"

Who shows Keith what tape? Do you mean Veronica shows Keith the DVD? Or is this some other tape?

"Keith calls the office and finds that Sheriff Lamb has indeed died."

Indeed died? Had they had some inkling of this that this confirmed? And which office does he call? The police station?

Maury Markowitz (talk) 19:36, 17 February 2016 (UTC)
 * Sorry about that. It's my plot summary (I recreated the whole article) and I take full responsibility for its overall lack of quality. I have fixed your suggestions . Let me know if there's anything else I can do. As for the in-universe thing, I'm not sure how to change that, as a plot summary is pretty much in-universe by definition. Johanna (talk to me!) 00:10, 18 February 2016 (UTC)
 * I see some improvement. But much of the text still assumes the reader has a knowledge of the events that occurred in previous episodes, and knows who all the characters are. That's what "in universe" refers to, the use of language only understood within the context of the program. I am going to correct the issues I can, so check my work if you can? Maury Markowitz (talk) 19:08, 19 February 2016 (UTC)