Talk:Martinus Putuhena/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 16:22, 16 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien (talk · contribs) 00:36, 7 July 2024 (UTC)

Hello! I'll have a review written for the article some time this week. The big ugly alien ( talk ) 00:36, 7 July 2024 (UTC)


 * pinging you to make sure you've seen this. The big ugly alien  ( talk ) 06:22, 21 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Oops, I forgot. Will start addressing this tonight. Juxlos (talk) 09:05, 21 July 2024 (UTC)

General notes:
 * I've made a few of the simpler copyedits myself.
 * Lots of sentences start with the word "after", including the start of a few paragraphs, which is a little distracting.
 * Better now? Replaced some of the "afters" and restructured sentences.


 * The article covers Putuhena's life, and that's good enough for GA. But it's still short, so if more details can be found, I encourage adding them some day in the future.

Lead:
 * Consider adding the years he held these offices.
 * Added.


 * Putuhena was appointed to the State of East Indonesia initially as a compromise candidate for a security takeover, before the political situation resulted in a complete takeover which he supervised. – If I had only read the lead, I wouldn't know what this meant. It doesn't say what his appointment was or what takeover happened.
 * Fair enough - does the new version look better?


 * He continued to work under the government – This should say what he actually did or what position he held.

Early life and education:
 * he moved to Tondano to continue his education under a scholarship, and then at an Algemene Middelbare School (AMS) in Yogyakarta – This sentence is throwing me off. It seems like it's saying "he moved to Tondano and then he moved at an Algemene Middelbare School.
 * Is the new "to Tondano [...] to Yogyakarta" better?


 * What's significant about the medical school STOVIA? Was he supposed to go there?
 * Honestly, I don't remember. Looking back at the source, there was some fluffy words about it, but it doesn't seem appropriate. Probably wrote that sentence while under lack of sleep.


 * Is "wet" civil engineering supposed to have quotations marks in it? Right now it looks like scare quotes.
 * Probably not. Removed.

Public works:
 * Putuhena was tasked with sabotaging the infrastructure on Lombok, but due to reluctance from the locals the extent of the damage was limited – How exactly did this work? It's not clear what's meant by "sabotaging" or how the locals were involved.
 * The sentence starting with A member of the Indonesian Christian Party has several different ideas in it, and it should probably be split into two or three sentences.

East Indonesia:
 * KNIL is not defined anywhere in the article. Also, is TNI supposed to be NIT?
 * Did anything come of his negotiations with South Maluku?

Later life and career:
 * Following his return from Indonesia – Where was he returning to? Or is this supposed to say he was returning to Indonesia, in which case where was he returning from?

References:
 * I'm unable to access the Kompas source.
 * Tri Hanggoro (2019) – Good.
 * Direktorat Jenderal Kebudayaan (1991) – Seems good based on a rough machine translation.
 * Leirissa (1985) pp. 47–48 – Good.
 * Leirissa (1985) pp. 55–56 – Good. It looks like this also specifies what class he taught and says that it was common for government officials to be lecturers as well. Both of these might be good additions for the article.
 * Leirissa (1985) p. 77 – Good.
 * Leirissa (1985) p. 107 – Good. The source also mentions Suharto's reason for giving it to him, which could be added.