Talk:Mary F. Hoyt/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kavyansh.Singh (talk · contribs) 09:40, 24 February 2022 (UTC) Nominator: Doug Coldwell (talk · contribs) at 22:01, 7 February 2022 (UTC)

Comments

 * Missing a short description


 * "which was followed by hundreds of thousands of women filling these government positions" — Did Hoyt's appointment to federal civil service the main cause for 'hundreds of thousands of women filling these government positions', or is this just a trivia? Can we rephrase?


 * "She was a centenarian." — For the lead, can we say that "She died in 1958, at the age of 100", with 'at the age of 100' piped to centenarian?


 * "Hoyt was born in" — Full name should be mentioned on the first instance in the prose.


 * "She is a niece of" — should be 'was a'


 * "Her first job was a favorable position for a young lady" — I don't think this is too important to mention that it was a 'favorable position'


 * "is a federal law established in 1883 which decided that" — we switch from present to past tense


 * "US president Chester A. Arthur" — I guess it should be clear by the context the Arthur is American president. Remove US. And my reading of MOS:JOBTITLE is that 'p' in 'President' should be capitalized.


 * "in the spring of 1883" — MOS:SEASON discourages the use of seasons to refer to a particular part of the year.


 * "Hoyt produced the highest score" — is 'produced' the most appropriate word? How about received?


 * "at an annual pay of US$900" — suggesting to use


 * "A letter from President Dwight D. Eisenhower was delivered to Hoyt by the chairman of the United States Civil Service Commission, Harris Ellsworth." — which year?


 * "Eisenhower's letter explained that a door had been opened for women's opportunities in civil service, and that she was the leader for these opportunities" — we should be either directly quoting his letter, or paraphrasing it. But I am not sure whether we should be saying "a door had been opened" or "she was the leader for these opportunities" or "Hundreds of thousand of women" in Wikipedia's voice


 * "one fourth" — shouldn't this be "one-fourth"?


 * "while working at the US Census Office" — was she at "US Census Office" or "Census Bureau"?


 * "She took a hiatus" — might be worth explaining in the text what this is


 * "Roger (b. 9/12/1889), Truman (b. 11/4/1893), Alan (b. 10/9/1894), and Elinor (b. 2/15/1896)" — Do we really need to mention the date of birth?


 * File:US Treasury Department 19th century.jpg — If the author is "Government employee of 19th century", shouldn't it be ?