Talk:Mary Poppins Returns/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kingsif (talk · contribs) 23:19, 25 July 2020 (UTC)

Hi, I'm Kingsif, and I'll be doing this review. This is an automated message that helps keep the bot updating the nominated article's talkpage working and allows me to say hi. Feel free to reach out and, if you think the review has gone well, I have some open GA nominations that you could (but are under no obligation to) look at. Kingsif (talk) 23:19, 25 July 2020 (UTC)


 * Talk page and history look stable enough
 * Fair use movie poster in infobox, 3 commons images in article
 * Infobox seems fine - do Van Dyke and Lansbury have big enough roles to be mentioned in it, i.e. are they on the movie poster's credit block (at the bottom)?
 * Copyvio check:
 * from here (same content here): Cherry Tree Lane, Topsy’s Fix-It Shop, Big Ben, the interiors of the Banks home, and the enormous abandoned park and Scenes requiring green and blue screens for visual effects were first filmed on J and K Stages with physical set pieces for the cast to interact with, which were then replaced with animation in post-production need to be originally worded
 * Took out most of the mentioned locations to make it more of a "for example, these sets" type sentence, and reworded the second sentence. Rusted AutoParts  19:11, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * It seems that all of "full of personality and humor, and reverential" without being slavish in their adherence to the musical patterns of the first film is a quote from THR, not just the part in quotation marks
 * Moved the quotation down to the end. Rusted AutoParts  19:11, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Sources all look suitable, inline refs all seem good
 * lead a good length
 * The description in the lead that the film sees Mary Poppins, the former nanny of Jane and Michael Banks, returning one year after a family tragedy seems like a promotional line, and doesn't actually say what happens in the film.
 * Reworded. Rusted AutoParts  19:11, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Plot and Cast sections good Kingsif (talk) 17:25, 9 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Some more colloquial phrasings in That idea was also shot down, however, because Travers proved impossible to deal with since she imposed her own rules, including barring Poppins' clothing from being red could be reworded; I suggest was also shot down be changed to "also did not come to fruition", and the second clause (everything between the commas with ...impossible to deal with...) be changed to "because Travers would not go ahead without certain caveats that the company would not concede"
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:31, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * a good friend of her whom - probably is intended as "of hers", but these two words are still unnecessary
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:31, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * a sequel entitled Mary Poppins Comes Back - just "titled"
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:31, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Make and it was tricky to find an actor to play Bert's brother though an executive suggested that singer Michael Jackson was right for the part its own sentence: "It was also tricky..." (and add a comma after "brother")
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:31, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * The planned sequel eventually was cancelled upon the casting problems and the fact that new executives were now running the company - the phrasing is a little unusual, using verbs that don't match the action. How about "The planned sequel was eventually cancelled because of a combination of issues: the casting problems and the fact that new executives took over the company"


 * If there is a date/year for when the new execs came in, this would be helpful
 * A few more words needed in On the 2004 release of the 40th Anniversary DVD of the original film, the trivia track stated in regards to a possible sequel "One... – "The 2004 release of the 40th Anniversary DVD of the original film contained a trivia track that stated, in regards to a possible sequel, "One..."
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:31, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Blunt and Miranda had been cast in the lead roles - unnecessary repetition?
 * I believe I have fixed this. Rusted AutoParts  21:37, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * the grownup Michael/Jane Banks - "adult" perhaps?
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:37, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Combine the first two paragraphs of Casting into one
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:37, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * I'd link the parts about Streep's casting together, which also allows Michael and Jane's castings to be together - a mix of topical and chronological structure
 * Did a bit of restructuring through the paragraph, hope that works. Rusted AutoParts  21:37, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * the Victorian Government should certainly be written as the Government of Victoria; it's not the Victorian government
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:46, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * ex-Pixar veteran Jim Capobianco. Ex-Disney animator, Ken Duncan, - were they former employees at the time, because that seems strange?
 * Just took the ex-X bits out. Rusted AutoParts  21:46, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Surely there's more to say about Music than just 'soundtrack exists', since it's a musical. It got nominated for an Oscar for original composition...
 * Found some stuff about Shaiman being the one to approach the production to be involved. Rusted AutoParts  21:46, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * of December 25, 2018 - unnecessary repetition
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * At the first mention, you could wikilink it to Christmas Day
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * , with the release date of December 25 - still don't need to restate in the next sentence, either
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * and announced December 19 as the new release date for the film - ditto
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Marketing section is entirely short sentences saying "on X date, Disney released Y": some rewriting would introduce variation and make it easier/less numbing to read
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * If there's nothing more to say about home release, just combine it with the theatrical release sentences.
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * of $349.5 million, against - don't need the comma
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)


 * I think the apostrophes used in the quote Mary Poppins’s return shows that sometimes it pays to wait. Half a century on, her allure hasn’t are text and not html - could they be fixed?
 * I'm not sure I understand this point. Rusted AutoParts  21:56, 9 August 2020 (UTC)
 * the apostrophes will have been copied from a source and they look like  when they should be   - you can copy the first example to search them in the article, then replace by just deleting and typing an apostrophe anew. Kingsif (talk) 23:37, 9 August 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  00:25, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * The first Glieberman sentence should use a semi-colon list because of the multiple clauses in each point. I.e. Change to: "...deemed the film as a "rapturous piece of nostalgia"; lauded Blunt's take on Mary Poppins and described her casting as "practically perfect"; and gave his praise..."
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  00:25, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Grammar fix for the next sentence: He also drew comparisons of the film's quality and tone to the 1960s musicals as well the nostalgia to Star Wars: The Force Awakens to "He compared the film's quality and tone to that of 1960s musicals, and its nostalgia to Star Wars: The Force Awakens"
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  00:25, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Can we find a way to remove the repetition of "performance" in ...leading performance (whose performance he labelled... - perhaps "(which he labelled...", since it's already about the performance
 * Shaved the use of the word from 8 to 3. Rusted AutoParts  00:25, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * More grammar woes at [Truitt] described the film as a "comforting nostalgia-fest" and "satisfaction in spit-spot fashion" as well as commended the performances of Blunt and Miranda (whom he referred to as "endlessly charming") as well Marshall's knack on musical numbers and Shaiman's "swinging delight" original score. - this one might be harder to fix and need re-writing completely
 * I did what I could with it. Rusted AutoParts  00:25, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Run-on sentence (and phrasing repetition) to be fixed: He also found Blunt's version of Mary Poppins as "excellent" and described it as "a little chillier and more austere" while referring to it as "truer to the spirit of the heroine of P. L. Travers’s books".
 * Reworked. Rusted AutoParts  00:25, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * And it should be that he found Blunt's Poppins to be "excellent"
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  00:25, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * The critical response section is structured as "this review says X, this review says Y, this review says Z" - could it be connected more thematically? This stops the same points being made paragraph after paragraph and can get more information on the response across in less words. Given its rampant grammatical errors, rewriting this section seems a necessity.
 * Might be tricky to do. Alot of the more mixed reviews tend to give props to individual aspects, so I feel that would be hard to divy it up to fit. I did merge most of the paragraphs. Rusted AutoParts  00:31, 10 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Another painful run-on: [Travers] rated the film with three out of five stars, praising Blunt's unique portrayal of the title character while describing the film as an "industrial-strength sugarplum" and felt that the sequel didn't live up to the 1964 original, but nevertheless praised the film, remarking, "Mary Poppins Returns shows it has the power to leave you deliriously happy".
 * ✅ Rusted AutoParts  00:31, 10 August 2020 (UTC)

Overall

 * on hold Prose needs tightening, but besides the response section it's close. Kingsif (talk) 20:21, 9 August 2020 (UTC)
 * I believe I've addressed all the points. Rusted AutoParts  00:31, 10 August 2020 (UTC)
 * I made one edit, but the responses seems much better and you've addressed all the other points. Happy to pass. Kingsif (talk) 00:53, 10 August 2020 (UTC)